Iindlela ezi-3 zokuxelela ukuba woyike uthando

Umxholo

• Ubudlelwane obufunekayo ekufundeni
• Izizathu ezingama-23 zokuba abantu bashiye ubudlelwane

Ngelixa uninzi lwethu lusithi sifuna uthando, intle kakhulu kuthi sonke sinoloyiko oluthile malunga nokusondelelana. Uhlobo kunye nobungakanani bolu loyiko bunokwahluka ngokusekwe kwimbali yethu yobuqu: iipateni zokuncamathisela esizenzileyo kunye nokuzikhusela kwengqondo esikwenzileyo ukuzikhusela kwiintlungu zokuqala. Ezi patheni kunye nokuzikhusela zihlala zisibambezela okanye zonakalise ubomi bethu bothando. Nangona kunjalo, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba siza luloyiko lwethu ngokunyaniseka.

Ngenxa yokuba uncamathiselo lwethu lobuntwana lusebenza njengemodeli yendlela esilindele ngayo ukuba ubudlelwane busebenze kubomi bethu bonke, ubunzima kobu budlelwane bokuqala bunokusikhokelela ekubeni siziva sizikhusele. Sinokucinga ukuba sifuna uthando kunye nokunxibelelana, kodwa kwinqanaba elinzulu, siyanyamezela ukuyeka ukulinda ngenxa yokoyika ukuvuseleleka kunye nokufumana iimvakalelo ezindala ezibuhlungu. Njengotata, ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nombhali Ukoyika ukusondelelana URobert Firestone wabhala wathi, “Abantu abaninzi bayoyika ukusondelelana kwaye kwangaxeshanye bayoyika ukuba bodwa.” Oku kunokudala ukudideka okukhulu, njengoko ukungahambelani komntu kunokubangela ukutyhala okwenyani kunye nokutsala indlela abaziphethe ngayo. Ke, ungabona njani ukuba uloyiko lwakho lokusondelana luyangena kwindlela yothando?

1. Izenzo zakho azingqinelani neenjongo zakho

Abanye abantu, ixhala labo malunga nobudlelwane liyabonakala. Banokuyiqaphela ngokwabo imeko yabo yokuhamba kunxibelelwano okanye ukuzibophelela. Kwabanye, kunokuba nobuchule ngakumbi. Banokuziva ngathi bazama ukusondela xa isenzo sabo sikhokelela ngokuchaseneyo. Ngenxa yolu dideko, into yokuqala yokujonga ukuba ingakanani into esicinga ukuba sifuna ukuba ihambelane nokuziphatha kwethu.

Indlela esiwenza ngayo umgama kubudlelwane yahlukile kuthi sonke kwaye sixhomekeke kakhulu kwimbali yethu yokuncamathisela. Umntu onepatheni yokuncamathisela ethintela ukungakhathali unokuba kude kwiimfuno zomnye umntu, ngakumbi iqabane elithandanayo. Batyekele ekubeni bazimele geqe, bazikhathalele kodwa bakufumanise kunzima ukubuyela kumaqabane abo kwaye bazive benovelwano kwiimfuno zomnye umntu kunye neemfuno zakhe. Banokuphepha ukusondela kakhulu kwaye bacaphuke nomnye umntu kuxhomekeke kubo. Xa iqabane labo (rhoqo elingenakuphepheka) livakalisa ukukhathazeka ngenxa yokufuna okungakumbi kubo, umntu othintelekileyo anganxaxha ashiye kude nangakumbi, evakalelwa kukuba uphulukene ne "qabane" labo.

Umntu onepatheni yokuncamathela exakekileyo unokuziva echasene ngqo, ngokungathi bafuna ukufumana ingqalelo yeqabane lakhe. Banokuba notyekelo lokuziva bengakhuselekanga ngakumbi, bexhalabile, bengazithembi, bephazamisekile, bekrokrela, okanye benomona kubudlelwane babo. Banokucinga ukuba bafuna ukusondela ngakumbi kunye neqabane labo, kodwa banokuzibandakanya kwimikhwa ebambelele ngakumbi kulawulo, ethi isebenze ityhalele kude amaqabane abo.

Umntu onepateni yokuncamathisela eyoyikekayo unokubakho uloyiko malunga neqabane lakhe liza kubo nangokuthi iqabane labo lisuke kubo. Xa izinto zisondela kakhulu, kunokwenzeka ukuba barhoxe, kodwa xa beqonda ukuba iqabane labo liyakhukuliseka, banokubambelela kwaye bangazithembi.

Ukwazi imbali yethu yokuncamathisela kunokusinika ukuqonda okungathethekiyo kwiipateni zethu kunye nokuqonda indlela esiziphethe ngayo. Nangona kunjalo, njengoko sivavanya ubudlelwane bethu ngexesha lokwenyani, kubalulekile ukufumanisa amaxesha apho izenzo zethu zingangqinelani nombono wethu wento esiyifunayo. Ngaba sithi sifuna ukuhamba neqabane lethu, emva koko sichithe lonke ixesha lethu lokucwangcisa kunokuhlala okwangoku?

Ngaba siyakhalaza ngokungafumani xesha lodwa, emva koko siphelelise efowunini yethu lonke ixesha sikunye? Ngaba sithi sifuna ukudibana nomntu kodwa size nezizathu zokungathandani nomntu ngamnye esidibana naye? Ngaba siyakholelwa ukuba sifuna ukuba semngciphekweni kodwa sizifumanele ukwenza okuncinci kumlingane wethu? Ngaba sithi siyamthanda umntu kodwa singathathi ixesha lokumbuza ngaye? Ezi zenzo zingalunganga zinokuba yimiqondiso yokuba siyoyika ukuba sesichengeni kwaye sisondele kakhulu.

2. Uba yi-Hypercritical yeQabane lakho okanye amaqabane anokubakho

Esinye sezikhalazo zixhaphakileyo phakathi kwezibini emva kokuba bekunye okwethutyana kukuba baphulukana nentlantsi okanye bayeke ukuziva bonwabile okanye betsala omnye komnye. Oku kuninzi okunento yokwenza nenkqubo yethu yokhuselo. Ukusondela ngakumbi kunokoyikisa ngakumbi. Ke ngoko, xa izinto ziba nzulu ngakumbi, siqala ukunyanzela umgama ngokuzibandakanya kwiingcinga ezingalunganga ngakumbi kunye nokuqwalaselwa kweqabane lethu.

Ubudlelwane obufunekayo ekufundeni

Izizathu ezingama-23 zokuba abantu bashiye ubudlelwane