Iindlela ezi-5 zokuPhilisa iimvakalelo zakho

Yintoni ebangela iimvakalelo? Zezona ndawo zinamandla amakhulu ngaphakathi kuwe ezenziwa zisebenze ngokuziphatha komnye umntu okanye izimvo zakhe.

Xa uxhokonxwa, ungarhoxa ngokweemvakalelo kwaye uzive ukhathazekile okanye unomsindo okanye uphendule ngendlela enomsindo oya kuzisola ngayo kamva. Ukuphendula kwakho kukhulu kakhulu kuba uzikhusela kwiimvakalelo ezibuhlungu eziye zavela.

Umzekelo, ukuba umntu osebenza naye uthi, "Awunangqondo ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungafaka isicelo salo msebenzi mkhulu", okanye isihlobo sithi, "Umdala kakhulu ukuba ungafumana iqabane," uyakhathazeka. Uyacaphuka, uzithandabuze, kwaye uzive uphantsi okanye ucinga ngokungafanelekanga ukuba ungaphaya “kwenduli.” . ”Awukho kwimeko yokuxhokonxa ngenxa yokuba uyaliqonda ixabiso lakho lokwenene.

Izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo zakho ngamanxeba afuna ukuphola. Ezi nkolelo zisekwe kuloyiko — ayizizo ezokwenyani. Awufuni ukuphindaphindwa. Kuyadinisa kwaye kubuhlungu, ngakumbi kubantu abanovelwano kakhulu nabanovelwano.

Ukupholisa izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo, qala ngokuvavanya ngemfesane kwaye utshintshe naziphi na iinkolelo oye nazo usapho lwakho okanye uluntu, njengokuthi, "Andikho krelekrele ngokwaneleyo" okanye "Andicaphukisi kakhulu." Kuya kufuneka ujongane ngobunono namalungu akho azive ephosakele okanye ungazithembi malunga nomzimba wakho okanye ukufaneleka kwakho ukufumana iqabane. Xa uphilisa umothuko wokuqala okanye inkolelo engeyonyani, uzibeka ukhululekile ngokwasemphefumlweni. Emva koko awuyi kuchukunyiswa ngokulula okanye ucofe amanzi.

Sebenzisa ezi ndlela ukuqala ukuphilisa izinto ezibangela iimvakalelo.

1. Lumka. Kwijenali yakho, chonga izinto ezintathu eziphambili ezibangela ukuba ube nomsindo kwaye ulahle imali eseleyo. Umzekelo, xa umntu egxeka ubunzima okanye imbonakalo yakho? Okanye ukuba awufumani umvuzo othile? Okanye mhlawumbi uziva ungathandeki kwaye ungafanelekanga kubudlelwane obuphilileyo? Bhala ezi zinto ukuze ucacise imiba ekufuneka uyinyange.
2. Landa umkhondo wemvelaphi yokubangela. Ijenali malunga nokuba ezi zinto zibangela zivela phi. Ngokomzekelo, ngaba abazali bakho bathi “utyebile” okanye akuthandeki? Ngaba utitshala ukuxelele ukuba awunanto yakwenza nempumelelo esikolweni? Okanye ngaba wawutyeshelwe lusapho lwakho, ke wakhula uziva ungathandeki. Ukwazi apho zivela khona izinto zakho kukuvumela ukuba uzazi ngcono.
3. Phinda uguqule iinkolelo ezimbi. Qala ngento enye enentlawulo encinci yeemvakalelo kwaye uqalise ukuyilungisa ngovelwano. Zixelele, "ayisiyonyani le." Eyona nto iyinyani kukuba, "Ndiyathandeka, ndiyakwazi kwaye ndikrelekrele." Faka endaweni yenkolelo egwenxa, ngeyona inokwenene.
4. Yenza ngokungathi. Ekuqaleni kwenkqubo yokunyanga, kungafuneka "wenze ngokungathi" xa ungadibananga ngokupheleleyo nenkolelo elungileyo. Kulungile. Umzekelo, ukutsho nje umntu, “Andivumelani. Ndiwufanele ngokupheleleyo lo msebenzi ubaluleke kangaka ”(nokuba awuyikholelwa ngokupheleleyo loo nto) uhlahl 'indlela yeenkolelo ezinzulu kamva. Okanye “Ndinebhongo ngeemvakalelo zam. Nceda ungazibeki phantsi. ” Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka uziqhelanise nokuziphatha okukhanyiselwe ngakumbi ukuze ungene ngaphakathi kwaye ube yinyani.
5. Sebenza nonyango okanye umqeqeshi. Ihlala iluncedo ekufuneni isikhokelo sokukunceda ufumane ingcambu ye-trigger kunye nenkqubo yeemvakalelo ezichaphazelekayo. Unokuziva unomsindo omkhulu okanye ulusizi ukuba usapho lwakho alukhange lukholwe kuwe, ngenxa yoko awuzange ufunde ukukholelwa kuwe. Ukuchaza kunye nokukhupha iimvakalelo kukuvumela ukuba uphilise ukuqala kwakho kwaye uqhubeke nokwamkela amandla akho okwenyani.

Ukuphilisa izinto ezibangela ukuba ukhululeke kuyakhulula kuba ngekhe ulahlwe okanye uphelelwe ngamanzi ngenxa yezimvo zabantu ezingafanelekanga. Basenokucaphukisa, kodwa ngekhe babenawo amandla okukufumana. Okukhona uphilisa okubangela iimvakalelo zakho, kokukhona uya kukhululeka ngokwasemoyeni.

Ithathwe kwi-Empath's Survival Guide: Iindlela zoBomi zaBantu abaNobunzima nguJudith Orloff, MD.