Iindlela ezili-9 zokuvavanya kunye nokuphucula ulawulo lwakho lweemvakalelo

Ngalo lonke ixesha uphulukana nayo, nokuba kungoyiswa ngumsindo, ukuhleka, okanye unxunguphalo, ulonwabo lwakho kunye nobudlelwane bakho buza kuba sengxakini. Kulungile kubantwana abancinci ukuba bacaphuke ngoko nangoko xa umntakwabo ethatha into yokudlala kubo, okanye abakwishumi elivisayo ukuba bafumane ityala lokugigitheka kumhlobo Faux pas . Njengabantu abadala, kulindeleke ukuba sibambe iimvakalelo zethu, okanye ubuncinci sizigubungele, ukuze zingasenzi sibukeke sizizidenge, singakhuli, okanye singathembeki.

Inani elininzi lophando kwimimiselo yeemvakalelo izama ukuchonga izinto ezimisela ukuba ngubani onako ukwenza njalo kwaye ngubani ongekhoyo, kodwa uninzi lwazo lusekwe ekusetyenzisweni okungazithembi kwezixhobo zokuzixela. Njengoko sisazi, abantu abakwazi ukumisela amandla kunye nobuthathaka babo xa kungekho mntu uqinisekisa iimpendulo zabo. Akucaci nakwiphepha lemibuzo ukuba ingaba abantu bakulungele na ukwenza oko bathi banako. Inkqubo entsha esekwe kudliwanondlebe yolawulo lweemvakalelo ijongana nokusikelwa umda kwengxelo yakho kwaye ikwabonelela ngeendlela ezifanelekileyo zokusebenzisa le nto ibalulekileyo ebomini bakho.

Ngokusekwe kwingcinga yokuba iingxelo zabantu ezizezakho aziyiyo eyona ndlela yokuvavanya umgaqo wabo weemvakalelo, iYunivesithi yaseAuburn uDaniel Lee kunye noogxa bakhe (2017) baphuhlise enye indlela, abathi yi "Semi-Structured Emotion Regulation Udliwanondlebe" (SERI ). Injongo yokusetyenziswa kweeklinikhi, i-SERI iqulethe iseti yemibuzo apho abaphenduli banikezela amanqaku abo malunga nabo. Uncedo lwendlela esekwe kudliwanondlebe kukuba abantu abasoloko bekwazi ukulebhelisha iimvakalelo zabo ngokuchanekileyo, Kananjalo abanakho ukuhlangabezana neemvakalelo nganye ezigutyungelwe kwiphepha lemibuzo elinenjongo yonke. Umzekelo, ukuba khange bazive benomsindo ogqithisileyo kutsha nje, ngekhe kufaneleke ukuba nemibuzo egxile kulawulo lomsindo. Ukuba unxunguphalo yimvakalelo ekujolise kuyo, umntu odliwanondlebe unokutshintsha endaweni yalo mbuzo. Iphepha lemibuzo alinakuba nalo olu bhetyebhetye. Ukongeza, ubume obulungelelanisiweyo bemilinganiselo yodliwanondlebe kuthetha ukuba imibuzo efanelekileyo esemgangathweni iyabuzwa kubantu abohlukeneyo, inqobo ebalulekileyo yento eluncedo ngokwasengqondweni. Udliwanondlebe luqeqeshelwe ukusebenzisa imibuzo elandelayo esebenzisa igama elifanayo kumntu ngamnye, kunokuba uyidlale ngendlebe.

Kwi-SERI, emva koko, xa abathathi-nxaxheba bechonge iimvakalelo ekujoliswe kuzo, udliwanondlebe uyaqhubeka nokubabuza malunga nezi zicwangciso zili-9 zokulawula uvakalelo. Jonga ukuba zeziphi oqhele ukuzisebenzisa:

1. Ukufuna inkxaso kwezentlalo:Ukuguqukela kwabanye ukuze uqiniseke kunye nezimvo.

2. Ukuzinyanga ngokwakho:Sebenzisa izinto okanye utywala ukuthomalalisa iimvakalelo zakho.

3. Ukuzilimaza ngabom:Ukuzibangela ukuba uzenzakalise.

Ukwamkelwa:Ukuthatha imeko ngokungxama.

5. Ukuphononongwa ngokutsha okuthe ngqo:Ukujonga kwicala eliqaqambileyo lemeko ekhathazayo.

6.Ukucinezela okubonakalayo: Ukuzama ukugcina iimvakalelo zakho.

7. Ukukhanya:Ukuhamba ngaphezulu kwengqondo yakho imeko leyo icaphukise imvakalelo.

8. Ukuphepha indlela yokuziphatha: Ukuhlala kude neemeko ezithwele iimvakalelo.

9. Ukuphepha ukuqonda: Ukuhlala kude neengcinga malunga nemeko egcwele iimvakalelo.

Kwisicwangciso-qhinga ngasinye ngokubhekisele kolunye lweemvakalelo ekujoliswe kuzo, bonisa ukuba uyisebenzisile ngelixa unamava emvakalelo, kangaphi, kwaye nokuba ngaba isicwangciso eso besibonakala sisebenza kuloo meko.

Inqaku eliphambili lomdla kwezi ndlela zokulawula uvakalelo kukuba ingaba bayasebenza na. Ngokwenkcazo, ezinye iindlela azisebenzi kangako kunezinye ukunciphisa imvakalelo ozama ukuyilawula. Ukukhanya kuyakwenza kuphela ukuba nomsindo, usizi kunye noxinzelelo. Ukuzinyanga ngokwakho nokuzenzakalisa kuyonakalisa impilo yakho ngokwasemzimbeni nangokwasemzimbeni. Ukuthintela akusebenzi kakhulu xa kukho ingxaki ekufuneka ujongane nayo, kunokuba ucofe phantsi komphezulu.

Akukho cebo lolawulo lweemvakalelo olusebenza kakuhle, ngokwenkcazo, ukuba alinciphisi amandla emvakalelo ohlangabezana nayo kwaye likuncede uzive ungcono. Kodwa ngaphandle kokunqongophala okukhoyo kwezinye zezi ndlela, abantu abakwiLee et al. Uphononongo luchaze ukuzisebenzisa nakanjani na. Ngokuyinxenye, oku kunokuba ngenxa yokuba abantu bengazi ukuba izicwangciso ngokwazo ziyingxaki (njengokuzinyanga ngokwakho), okanye abakwazi kuchonga okanye basebenzise iindlela ezifanelekileyo. Abantu abaphendula le mibuzo basenokungabinaye umntu abanokwabelana naye ngeengxaki zabo, okanye bangazi ukuba bangazibandakanya njani na kwinkqubo yovavanyo kwakhona. Kunokubonakala kulula ukuphepha nje izinto-nokuba kukuziphatha okanye ukuqonda-kunokuba ujongane noxinzelelo olunokubakho okanye imeko evusa umsindo.

Iqela elikhokelwa yiYunivesithi yase-Auburn lenze izinto ezininzi ezinomdla ekuvavanyeni amandla e-SERI ukuhambelana namanye amanyathelo amiselweyo ngaphambili olawulo lweemvakalelo. Inye yayikukuba abaphenduli bebengasoloko bekwazi qaphela xa babekhe banemvakalelo engeyiyo. Emva kokubonisa ukuba mhlawumbi basebenzisa enye yeendlela zokuphepha ekuqaleni kodliwanondlebe, njengoko umvavanyi eqhubekeka nokubuza, aba bantu bafumana ukuqonda kumava abo ngokweemvakalelo. Okwesibini, abaphenduli bebengasoloko bekwazi ukwahlula phakathi kwezicwangciso ezinxulumene nolawulo lweemvakalelo, ezifuna ukuba abo benza udliwanondlebe babonelele ngakumbi.

Kuba ibonelela ngovavanyo "olungenanto" ngakumbi yolawulo lweemvakalelo kunokuzixela ngokwakho, ababhali bagcina ukuba i-SERI yeyona ndlela ingcono yokufumana kwizicwangciso ezithi zisetyenziswe ngabantu xa bezama ukujongana neemvakalelo ezibuhlungu kunengxelo esemgangathweni. Oku kuphakamisa ukuba xa sifunda izifundo ezisekwe kwingxelo yakho, sizithatha ngengqolowa enkulu yetyuwa. Ukukwazi ukwamkela iimvakalelo zakho kwaye ubone indlela ozisingatha ngayo linyathelo elikhulu ekubulaleni. Ukuba uyazi ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungaphendula isikali sengxelo yakho, uya kuba nakho ukuqonda okwaneleyo malunga nokulawula indlela ophatha ngayo ezi mvakalelo zibuhlungu.

Ukushwankathela, U-Lee okqhubekayo. Uphononongo lubonisa ukuba ungazuza ngokuthatha isitokhwe ngokwakho ukuba zeziphi na iindlela ezili-9 ozisebenzisayo kwiimvakalelo zakho ezinengxaki. Umgaqo wesithupha kuncwadi lokulwa nokuba akukho ndlela "ilungileyo" yokujongana noxinzelelo. Nangona kunjalo, xa kuziwa kummiselo weemvakalelo, isicwangciso sakho kufuneka sisebenze okungenani kukuvumela ukuba ulawule iimvakalelo zakho.

Ukufezekiswa ngokweemvakalelo kuxhomekeke kwinto elungileyo ngokubanzi ekoyisa okungalunganga kwisikimu esikhulu sobomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Ukufumana izicwangciso ezikusebenzelayo kwezi zidweliswe kwi-SERI kunokukunceda usondele kule ndlela ilungileyo kunye neyanelisayo yokubonisa.

Ilungelo lokushicilela uSusan Krauss Whitbourne 2017