Ukwahlukana kwePhobia: Kutheni sihlala kubudlelwane obunobungozi

Ukuba ubunobudlelwane obungasebenzi kakuhle okanye obungonelisiyo, ungashiya? Ukuba ufana nabantu abaninzi, mhlawumbi ucinga ukuba ungathanda. Ukuphuma kubudlelwane obungenampilo kunye nokungonwabi ngokucacileyo kuya kuba yinto enengqiqo yokwenza. Kodwa uninzi lwethu alwenzi ngendlela efanelekileyo kwimicimbi yothando. Ngelixa abanye boyika ukwenza izibophelelo, abanye boyika ukutsala iplagi.

Kunzima kangakanani kuwe ukuyeka ubudlelwane obungasebenziyo kuxhomekeke kwisitayile sakho sokuncamathisela (UJoel et al., 2011; UGeorge et al., 2020; UMikulincer kunye noShaver, 2016). Isinamathiselo silinganiswa kunye nemilinganiselo emibini: uxinzelelo lokuncamathela kunye nokuthintela ukunamathela. Uxinzelelo lokuncamathisela lubonisa inqanaba othambekele ekucingeni ukuba iqabane lakho likukhathalele kwaye likulungele ukukuxhasa kwaye liphendule kwiimfuno zakho, ngelixa ukuthintelwa kokuncamathisela kubonakalisa inqanaba oxhomekeke kulo ukuchitha ixesha unxibelelana neqabane lakho ukuze uzive ulungile ngawe.

Njengamanqanaba aphezulu oxinzelelo lokuncamathisela anokudibanisa nenqanaba eliphezulu, eliphantsi okanye eliphakathi lokuthintela ukunamathela, kukho iindlela ezininzi apho unokuthi uncamathele khona. Ezona ndlela zimbini zixhaphakileyo zokuncamathisela kukoyika ukoyikeka, uxinzelelo oluphezulu oludityanisiweyo kunye nokuthintela okuphezulu, kunye nokuxhalaba, okuxhalabisayo okuphezulu kunye nokudinwa okuphantsi (IBartholomew kunye neHorowitz, 1991).

Abantu abanesitayile sokuncamathisela esoyikayo bazibophelela kakhulu kwi-phobic. Olona luvo lokuba nolwalamano olusenyongweni luyaboyikisa, kuba ixesha labo elidlulileyo libafundisile ukuba ukusondela kunye nokusondelelana ngokungathandabuzekiyo kukhokelela ekugatyweni nasekubandezelekeni ngokweemvakalelo. Ngamaxesha athile bayaphumelela ukoyisa uloyiko lwabo kodwa ngokuthatha amanyathelo omntwana amancinci. Nje ukuba ekugqibeleni bathathe intshontsho, ukuzibophelela kwabo kunokujika kube "kukuqhekeka kwephobia," ukwenza imali. Banokuhlawulela ubudlelwane obungonelisiyo okanye obungasebenziyo, ukuba ukwenza njalo kunokubasindisa kwintlungu yentliziyo kunye nokwaliwa. Kodwa banamathuba amaninzi okubaleka ngaphambi kokuba afike kuloo ndawo.

Abantu abaxhalabileyo abaxakeke kakhulu bathambekele ngakumbi "ekwahlukaneni ne-phobia" kunogxa wabo othintelayo. Kwa kanye ingcinga yokuqhekeka ibangela ukungonwabi okungathethekiyo. Kodwa ngokungafaniyo nomntu owoyikayo owoyikayo, aboyiki utshintsho kulwalamano ukuba nje olo tshintsho lubandakanya inqanaba elikhulu lokuzinikela okanye ulwalamano.

Ukuxhalaba nokuxhalaba kunye nabantu aboyikayo ngokuthintela ukwahluka kule nkalo kuba xa kufikwa kumba wokuphepha, zichasene ne-polar. Ngelixa kwa ingcinga yokungena kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo inokubangela impendulo eyoyikisayo kubantu aboyikayo aboyikayo, abantu abanesithukuthezi sokukhumbula isitayile sokuncamathisela kwaye banqwenela uthando, ukwamkelwa, kunye nengqwalaselo abayiphosileyo kubuntwana babo okanye ubuhlobo bangaphambili kunye nolwalamano.

Abantu abanoxhalabileyo abanomdla wokuqinisekisa ukuba iqabane labo liphosa iimvuthuluka zothando kwicala labo, banokufumana ukonwaba okuphezulu. Ngaphakathi, nangona kunjalo, izikhalazo zabo zokufuna uthando kunye nokwamkelwa zizenzo ezibuhlungu zeendlela ezingalunganga ababezisebenzisa ukunxibelelana nabantu kwixa elidlulileyo.

Kuba abantu abaxhalabileyo abaxhomekeke kakhulu kubudlelwane abakuyo kwaye bade bazichaze ngokwabo, bahlala bekulungele ukunyamezela amanqanaba okubandezeleka ngokweemvakalelo ukukhusela ukuphela kwayo.

UGeorge, T., Hart, J., kunye noRholes, uW S. (2020). "Ukuhlala kubudlelwane obungonwabisiyo: Iindima zonamathiselo unxunguphalo kunye noloyiko lotshintsho." Ijenali yobuDlelwane boLuntu kunye noBuntu, 37 (5), 1626-1633. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520904156

UJoel, S., MacDonald, G., Shimotomai, A. (2011). "Uxinzelelo oluphikisanayo malunga nokuzibophelela kwezothando kubantu abaxakekileyo." Ijenali yoBuntu, 79, 51–74.

UMikulincer, M., Shaver, P. R. (2016). Ukuncamathiselwa ebudaleni (Umhleli wesi-2). Guilford.