Ukujongana naBantu abaNzima Kuqala Nathi

Kwibhlog yangaphambili, ndinike izikhombisi zokujongana nabalinganiswa abanganelisekiyo esidibana nabo kwiiofisi, ezikolweni, kwiintsapho nakwizangqa zentlalo, Ukugcina Umoya Uphezulu Xa Abanye Basitsalela Phantsi.¹ Iingcebiso ekwabelwana ngazo azikhetheli kulo naliphi na ixesha lonyaka kodwa zingqineka ziluncedo kunxibelelwano lwethu lwemihla ngemihla.

Eyona nto iphambili ekusingatheni inzondo yabantu, i-barb kunye ne-zinger abayikhuphelayo, kunye nokugxeka kwabo kunye nemiyalezo engeyiyo yomlomo kukuphinda sisebenze. Hayi bona, kodwa thina. Ngokusisiseko, yonke inkqubo yabo iwela njani okanye isitshintshe njani, ngakumbi ... ukuba siyabavumela.

Iintsuku okanye iiveki emva kokudibana: Sibavumele?

Ngaba sivumele abantu abanzima okanye iimeko ukuba zisoyise? Kwaye singazitshintsha njani ukuba siqhubele phambili?

Ibhlog yam yangaphambili ichaze umahluko phakathi komxholo kunye nenkqubo, uqaphele ukuba abantu bahlala bebetha ngezihloko ezitsha (umxholo) kodwa olo tshintsho lwenene lubandakanya ukulungisa indlela esithetha ngayo okanye esenza ngayo (inkqubo).

Nalu uluhlu lokujonga olusebenzayo ukuphucula unxibelelwano lwakho ukuze "unyaka omtsha wonwabe" uyasebenza ngokwenene:

Sukulindela ukuba abanye batshintshe. Sebenza ngokwakho endaweni yoko. Xa sibeka okuphantsi okanye singalindelanga abanye, sinethuba elingcono lokoneliseka. Ukongeza, jonga ukuba ujongana nomcimbi wobuntu obumiliselwe ngokwenene. Ukuziphatha komntu, ekuhambeni kwexesha, kusixelela oku. Ukuba okanye xa ufumanisa isihloko seempawu ezinzima, iingcinga eziqhelekileyo kunye nothethathethwano kunqabile ukuba zisebenze njengoko ndibhalile kwi Misa ukuNika iiPasile zaSimahla kubantu abaNzima.

Kuya kuthini ukuba olo lonwabo luxhomekeke kancinane kwabo bakwigumbi elilandelayo okanye kwinxalenye yendlu? Qhubeka ufunda.

Yenza umzekelo wotshintsho onqwenela ukulubona. UMahatma Ghandi uthe, "Inokuba ulutshintsho ofuna ukulubona ehlabathini." Ewe, ukuba sivela kwimiceli mngeni, sinokukhuthaza abanye apha endleleni. Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuba sithobele kancinci ekusebenzeni kakubi kunye nethemba, umbono uhlala uqaqambile.

Ziqhelise ukuba nethemba. Cinga umlinganiso wezinto ezintle ezenziweyo, nokuba kusekhaya, esikolweni, emsebenzini, okanye phakathi kwabahlobo.

Kuthatha nje ubuninzi okanye nangaphantsi amandla ukubeka uncumo okanye uluvo olukhathalayo kunokwenza ukuncwina, ukufinga iintshiyi, okanye ukugculela. Mhlawumbi uFred Rogers udlulisele eyona ndlela intle: “Zintathu iindlela zokuphumelela ekugqibeleni. Indlela yokuqala kukuba nobubele. Indlela yesibini kukuba nobubele. Indlela yesithathu kukuba nobubele. ”

Musa ukuthatha izinto ngobuqu. Bukela oku kunye nokunye ukugqwetha kwengqondo, njengokuqiqa ngokweemvakalelo, ukucinga okumnyama nokumhlophe, ukwenza ngaphezulu, ukufunda iingqondo zabanye abantu, ukuqikelela ikamva nokwenza izinto zibe ziintlekele.

Ngaba ufuna uncedo lokusebenza neengcinga kunye nokuchonga iinkolelo ezizenzekelayo, ezingenangqondo? Cela uncedo ngenkqubo yoncedo lwabasebenzi (EAP) kunye / okanye iiseshoni ezininzi kunye nomcebisi ngempilo yengqondo osebenzisa unyango lwengqondo-lokuziphatha (CBT).

Yiba ngqo. Gcina ekwenzeni oonxantathu. Umgama osondeleyo phakathi kwamanqaku amabini ngumgca ochanekileyo.

Unento yokuthetha nomnye umntu? Cinga ngomgca. Xa loo mgca ugxadazela, ufana nabantu ababini abangahlali macala omabini.

Ukuba siyothula umthwalo komnye umntu-senza unxantathu-ukukhululeka kwethutyana kunjalo. Okwexeshana.

Yiba ngothozolileyo kwaye ufunde indlela yokuthambisa ukuqala ingxoxo kuloo mntu kuya kufuneka uthethe naye.

Coca ukungcola ngokweemvakalelo. Kwiincwadi endizibhalileyo, kukho amanqanaba amane emsindweni: ukwakhiwa, ukubengezela, ukunyanzeliswa, ukuqhushumba (okanye zombini), kunye nenqanaba lokucoca. ²

Njengoko ndicacisa kubaxhasi, ukuba sichithe isoda kwimigangatho yethu, ngaba singayishiya apho? Hayi, kuba iya kungcolisa, itsale iincukuthu, idale umngcipheko wokuwa, ngamanye amagama, ibe yinto engalunganga.

Kodwa amaxesha amaninzi abantu bashiya ingqumbo, ubumbano oluncamathelayo naphina apho lwenzeka khona ngaphandle kokuzicoca okanye ukuzisombulula. Inxulumene nokuchithwa kwamatye, esaziyo ukuba kuya kulungisa ubudlelwane, ekuhambeni kwexesha.

Phola. Sebenzisa imiyalezo-I. Thintela iingxelo "wena" kunye nemibuzo "kutheni" kuba ezi zikhaba kukhuseleko.

Musa ukunqunyulwa kubantu obathandayo. Ngaphandle kwamehlo, ngaphandle kwengqondo, akunjalo? Akulunganga. Iinkqubo zosapho zisifundisa ukuba i-cutoff, enye yeendlela ezisibhozo ze-Bowen ithiyori, iqhuba uxinzelelo ngakumbi kunokuba ilungisa. ³

I-cutoff yeemvakalelo yeyona ndlela igqithileyo yokuziyeka, kodwa oku kunexesha elide ekuqinisekiseni ubudlelwane obusondeleyo bexesha elizayo, nkqu nezizukulwana, kuba ixhala alinako ukufakwa. Uxinzelelo olungapheliyo luyanda.

Abo banqumlayo bajonge abanye ukwanelisa iimfuno zabo zonxibelelwano. Xa obo budlelwane buba nzima, ngakumbi ukuba abantu abasebenzeli ukuphucula isiqu sakho, kwavela iingxaki ezifanayo.

Ilungelo lokushicilela @ 2020 nguLoriann Oberlin. Onke amalungelo agciniwe.

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https://tinyurl.com/Free-Pass-Misery

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https://tinyurl.com/Mary-Trump-Revelations

2. UMurphy, T. kunye no-Oberlin, L. (2016). Ukoyisa ubundlobongela: Ungayinqanda njani ingqumbo efihliweyo ekuchitheni ubudlelwane bakho, umsebenzi kunye nolonwabo. IBoston: ICandelo leDaCapo.

3. UGilbert, R. (2018). Iingcamango ezisibhozo zeTheory Bowen. ILake Frederick, VA: Iinkqubo eziPhezulu zoPapasho.