Ngaba ukhe unqwenele ukuba ubuye nento oyithethileyo?

Umxholo wokuzisola malunga neenkcazo zasesidlangalaleni ubuyile kwimithombo yeendaba ngoFebruwari 4, 2021 ukuzama kukaMmeli wase-US uMarjorie Taylor ukubanga ukuba akasakholelwa kwimicimbi yeendaba zentetho kunye nentetho.

Enxibe isambatho esinegama elithi “Intetho yasimahla,” wema phambi kweqonga kwiNdlu yabaMeli kwaye wazama ukubuyisa amabango akhe angaphambili: “Ndavunyelwa ukuba ndikholelwe izinto ezingeyonyani kwaye ndiza kubuza imibuzo ngazo. kwaye uthethe ngazo, kwaye yinto endizisola ngayo leyo. ” U-Greene wenza ezi ngxelo ukunqanda ukususwa kwizabelo zakhe zekomiti, kodwa iinzame zakhe azizange zibenampumelelo.

Nangona uGreene engazange axolise ngokwenyani, intetho yakhe "yokuzisola" inokuba yathetha ukuba uziva ngathi uphazamile. Uhlalutya amagqabantshintshi akhe ngakumbi, kwaye ujonge umyalezo ophikisanayo othunyelwe bubuso bakhe, ungaqaphela ukuba usebenzisa isenzi sokuchaza ekuchazeni isizathu sokuba enze ezo ngxelo (okt. "Ndavunyelwa ukuba ndikholelwe ..."). imeko, ngaba iyakukhumbuza amaxesha owazama ukubuyisa into oyithethileyo eyadala umonakalo ebomini bakho?

Nangona intetho kaGreene yayilungiselelwe ngaphambi kwexesha, kunokwenzeka ukuba xa uthethe into onqwenela ukuba ubungayithethanga, yenziwa ngokungxama ebushushwini bomzuzwana. Ngephanyazo, kuphuma amagama emlonyeni wakho ongenako ukuwutyhalela kuwo.

Mhlawumbi iqabane lakho lilungiselele isidlo esinexesha kwaye sikunika sona ngokuzingca. Ulinde impendulo yakho, iqabane lakho liwele phantsi xa usithi “Sthandwa, kulungile, kodwa inyama inzima.” Ukugxotha ngaphandle kwegumbi, iqabane lakho liyafunga lingaze liphinde lisebenze nzima ukondla umntu ongalufanelekelanga olu qwalaselo. Akukho sixa sokulandelela umkhondo kubonakala ngathi sinesiphumo kwiqabane lakho, kwaye ukongeza ekonakaliseni isidlo, wenze i-wedge eya kuba nzima ukuyisusa.

Akuqhelekanga ukuba izibini zibalekele kwezi ntlobo zeemeko ezixakekileyo zinikwe amava amaninzi emihla ngemihla abelana ngawo. Nangona kunjalo, ukugqitha kule mingxunya, ngaba kungcono kunxibelelwano abaludingayo, okanye enye into? Ngokwe-Enrico Gnaulati yeYunivesithi yaseSeattle (2020), ebhala malunga nendlela entsha yokunyanga izibini, “Kukho umbono ovelayo wokuba into enesibini esitshatileyo efuna uncedo asizizo izakhono zonxibelelwano ezingcono kodwa kukuqinisekisa uthando kunye nokuqwalaselana ”(Iphepha 2). Isibini esonwabileyo, uqhubeka esithi, ayisiyongxabano. Yenye, esekwe kuphando lwangaphambili, apho amaqabane "anokulawula" ezo ngxabano zingenakuphepheka.

Ngokombono wethiyori owaziwa njengobukho bempilo, olo lawulo lunokwenzeka ngcono xa izibini zisamkela “okubonakala ngathi kukungavunyelwa kweengxaki ezifunyanisiweyo zezibini [ezinje] ngokungafaniyo kumaqondo okulala akhethiweyo, ... ” Ngale ndlela, awuzukwenza ngathi khange uthethe into oyithethileyo malunga nokutya okanye okubi, wenze ngathi khange kwenzeke. Endaweni yoko uya kwamkela uxanduva. Njengokuba uGnaulati esitsho, “Kuthatha ukuthobeka ukuvuma isenzo ... amagama aneziphumo; kwaye ukukholelwa ekubeni kufuneka sikwazi ukuphefumla ngaphandle kokugwetywa yinto yokulahlekiswa kwezinto (iphe. 8). Ukuguqula, oku kuthetha ukuba awunako ukwahlula kwiqabane lakho kuba nobabini banefuthe kwaye baphenjelelwa. Akohluli ziathom ezingaze zingqubane enye kwenye.

Njengoko uGnaulati eqhubeka nokujonga, ayizukunceda ubudlelwane bakho ukuwathoba amagama akho abuhlungu kodwa endaweni yoko wamkele indima yakho ekwenzeni iqabane lakho lingonwabi. Kunyango, uyaphawula, uya kusebenzisa "ukunyanzeliswa kwetyala" (iphepha 8). Ecaphula imeko yesinye isibini kunyango, yayikukubonisa kukaGnaulati ityala lomyeni okwagqibela kumkhokelele ekuxoliseni ngokunyanisekileyo, nto leyo eyathi yabangela uxolelo lomfazi. Ngandlel 'ithile, umfazi waziva ebhetele kuba umyeni wakhe wayeziva ukuba mandundu.

Ukuze olo xolo lusebenze, u-Gnaulati uxela, akunakubakho “kodwa” okuphawuliweyo ukunciphisa ukunyaniseka kocela uxolo. Ngokwembono yommkeli, nangaphezulu, ulwalamano lobudlelwane luyaqhubeka xa kungekho kunaba kwengxabano ukuya kwiindawo ezingaphandle kwemeko yangoku njengokuzisa "iziphene zomlinganiswa" kwiqabane.

Ukubuyela kumbuzo wokuba netyala, into uGnaulati ayibiza ngokuba "lityala elilindelweyo" inokukuthintela ekwenzeni ezo zimvo zingakhathaliyo kwasekuqaleni. Xa iqabane lakho likunikeza esi sidlo sihle, yima ucinge ngaphambi kokuba uthethe amazwi abuhlungu. Ayisiyokunganyaniseki, kodwa endaweni yokuba ucinga malunga nemeko ngokwembono yeqabane lakho.Ecaphula ababhali bangaphambili, ugqirha wengqondo waseSeattle ucebisa ukuba akukho mfuneko yokuba "wonwabe" ngokupheleleyo ngaphambi kokuba uncome. Ewe, inyama inokuba lukhuni, kodwa mhlawumbi isosi imnandi. Qhubeka uphawule ngaloo nto.

Ukuqhuba yonke le ithiyori, ngokwe-Gnaulait, kukwamkela ukuba izibini ezinothando ziyakwazi ukudlula kwezi hiccups kunxibelelwano lwazo. Kwakhona, ukubuyela kumbono okhoyo, ukuqonda ukuba ubomi buethe-ethe nokuba wonke umntu uyafa kungakhokelela kwizibini ukuba "ziphile ubomi bazo ngabom nangokufaneleyo ngoku" (iphe. 12). Umsebenzi we-Therapist, ngokwale ndlela yokujonga, kukunceda izibini ziqonde "ixabiso eliphambili lobudlelwane bothando."

Kwiphepha leGnaulati, uyabona ukuba nangona ungasoloko umisa umlomo wakho ekuthetheni into ozisolayo ngayo, ungayamkela into yokuba uyithethile. Ngelo xesha, ukuxolisa ngokunyanisekileyo kunokukunceda ukunciphisa umonakalo. Kwinkqubo, unokuqhubeka nokunceda ukuphilisa ngokubonisa ukuba uvulekile ukuva ukuba iqabane lakho lithathe njani eli lizwi.

Ngoku ungasibona ngokucacileyo isiphako kwingxelo kaGreene "yokuzisola." Ukusetyenziswa kwakhe kwelizwi lesenzi kukuphikisana ngqo nohlobo "lokuzithoba" olucetyiswa yindlela yeGnaulati. Kuyinyani ukuba uGreene wayengathethi ngayo nantoni na nokuba ukude njengobuhlobo obusondeleyo bomntu, kodwa umgaqo usasebenza. Ngaba ebekwazi ukubeka amazwi akhe kwilizwi elisebenzayo, eshiya inxenye "ekhokelwe kukukholelwa", kunokwenzeka ukuba angathatha iNyathelo # 1 ukulungisa igama lakhe elonakeleyo noogxa bakhe.

Ukushwankathela , Wonke umntu uthetha izinto anqwenela ukuba ngebengazithethanga. Ukukwazi kwakho ukuba nala magama onqwenela ukuba uwathathe ungabuyisa indlela yokwenza nokubuyisela kunye nokuphucula ubudlelwane nabantu obakhathalele kakhulu.