Ngaba Uziva Unomsindo Kwiqabane Lakho? Makhe Sithethe Ngayo

Umxholo

• Amanqaku aphambili
• Xa Unomsindo kwaye Uyayazi: Kutheni Kuqhelekile kwaye Wenze Ntoni (kwaye Hayi Yenza) malunga nayo
• Izinto ezi-3 zokuziqonda xa uziva unomsindo kwiqabane lakho
• Umsindo ubalulekile ukuFundwa
• Wayenjani uMad uHitler?

Amanqaku aphambili

• Ngelixa ukuziva unomsindo kungeyonto imbi ngokwemvelo, umsindo unokuba nefuthe elibi kumtshato wakho ukuba awuphathwa kakuhle.
• Ukungashukuxwa okanye ukucinezelwa ngumsindo kuhlala kukhokelela kwinzondo kunye noxinzelelo, olunokuba yingozi emtshatweni.
• Ukuziva unomsindo ngamanye amaxesha kwiqabane lakho kuyinto eqhelekileyo; inyathelo elilandelayo kukuqinisekisa ukuba uveza umsindo wakho ngokufanelekileyo.
• Soloko ugcina indawo emtshatweni wakho ngobabalo oluncinci nokuthobeka, kwaye ukulungele ukwamkela ukungafezeki komnye nomnye kunye neefafs zomzuzwana.

Ngaba ukhe ube nomsindo kwiqabane lakho? Uninzi lwethu, impendulo ngu-ewe ocacileyo. Singabantu, emva kwayo yonke loo nto, kwaye umsindo yimvakalelo yomntu eqhelekileyo.

Kodwa ngelixa ukuziva unomsindo kungekuko okubi ngokwemvelo, umsindo unokuba nefuthe elibi kumtshato wakho ukuba awuphathwa kakuhle.

Xa Unomsindo kwaye Uyayazi: Kutheni Kuqhelekile kwaye Wenze Ntoni (kwaye Hayi Yenza) malunga nayo

Ukuba unolu luvo lokuba izibini ezisempilweni azikhe zicatshukelane-okanye ubuncinci "azifanele" ukuba nomsindo-lixesha lokuba ulahle loo nkolelo ingancediyo. Inyani yile yokuba zonke izibini ziyalwa. Ngokwengcali yobudlelwane kunye nomphandi uGqirha John Gottman, kwanezibini ezinempilo ngamanye amaxesha ziyacaphuka, ziyangxola, kwaye zishushu ngemiqolo.

Ngaphezulu, umsindo unokuba luncedo kwizibini ezitshatileyo kwiimeko ezininzi. Ungakhululekanga? Ngokuqinisekileyo. Kodwa iluncedo — ewe! Umsindo uhlala usebenza njengesixhobo esinceda amaqabane atshatileyo ukuba ajongane nemicimbi engasonjululwanga.

Ewe, ngumsebenzi onzima ukuhlala phantsi kwaye uxoxe ngengxaki esisiseko kunye nomsindo ovelayo, kodwa iindleko zokungenzi njalo ziphezulu kakhulu. Ngamanye amagama: ukungaxinzelelwa okanye ukucinezelwa ngumsindo kuhlala kukhokelela kwinzondo kunye noxinzelelo-kuyingozi emtshatweni nakwimpilo yabantu.

Ke, xa sele sivumile ukuba ukuziva unomsindo ngamanye amaxesha kwiqabane lakho kuyinto eqhelekileyo, inyathelo elilandelayo kukuqinisekisa ukuba uveza umsindo wakho ngokufanelekileyo. Nantsi imizekelo embalwa yento ongafanele uyenze xa unomsindo:

• Ukugxeka ngokuthe ngqo kumlingane weqabane lakho ("Uyonqena!")
• Yenza ubanzi ngokubanzi kunye nokucingela ("Uhlala usenza lento!")
• Sebenzisa ukubhuqa, ukuthukisa, ukubeka ezantsi, iintloni kunye nokusola amaqhinga, kunye nezisongelo (kubandakanya izoyikiso zoqhawulo mtshato)
• Sebenzisa "ukungathethi cwaka" okanye "umsindo othuleyo" ngokunika igxalaba elibandayo okanye uthando olugodlayo
• Yell, phosa izinto, okanye ubonise ezinye iindlela zokuziphatha ezinobundlongondlongo
• Thetha okanye wenze xa iimvakalelo zakho ziphakame kakhulu kwaye zinamandla

Iimpendulo ezingenampilo ezinje ngezi azizukudala naluphi na utshintsho oluqinisekileyo-kodwa ziya kugqibela ngokwenzakalisa wena, iqabane lakho, kunye nabantwana bakho ekufuneka benike ubungqina kumzekelo wakho. Endaweni yoko, Nazi iindlela ezisempilweni zokuchaza, ukunxibelelana nokuphendula kumsindo wakho:

• Gxila ekugxekeni kwisenzo esithile seqabane lakho okanye ukungasebenzi ("Ndinomsindo kakhulu ulibale ukukhupha inkunkuma kwaye usenze saphoswa kukuthatha inkunkuma, nangona ndikukhumbuze kathathu")
• Thetha xa uziva ulawulwa ngamazwi kunye nezenzo zakho
• Sebenzisa iindlela zokuzihlaziya ukuze uzincede ufike kwimeko engakhuthazwanga kangako
• Xoxa kwaye uhloniphe imida ejikeleze unxibelelwano olunomsindo ("Siza kuthatha imizuzu engama-20-ukuba omnye wethu uqala ukuphakamisa amazwi akhe okanye athethe into ethoba isidima")

Izinto ezi-3 zokuziqonda xa uziva unomsindo kwiqabane lakho

1. Funa ukuqonda ukuba kutheni unomsindo.

Cacisa malunga noku kunokwenzeka. Ngaba unomsindo ngento ethile okanye ungenzi nto kwiqabane lakho? Ngaba ucaphukisa omnye umntu kwaye uyikhuphe kwiqabane lakho? Ngaba unomsindo ngenxa yokuba wenze into engeyiyo? Ngaba unomsindo ngenxa yokuba inxeba elidala leemvakalelo lakhutshwa, okanye ngenxa yokuba ungakhange uthembeke ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho malunga nento ekukhathazayo?

Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu (okanye izizathu) sesomsindo wakho, yifumane. Yiba nomdla. Yiba nengqondo ephangaleleyo. Yiba nobubele kuwe ngeli xesha lokuhlola. Akudingeki ukuba uyiqonde kakuhle ngalo mzuzu, kodwa ubuncinci uchithe ixesha elibonakalisiweyo elithe cwaka kamva ukuze ufumane ukuqonda. Ukwazisa malunga nokuba kutheni unomsindo linyathelo lokuqala lokujongana nemvakalelo kwaye uqhubeke kuyo.

2. Gcina iindlela zokuzithomalalisa epokothweni yakho esemva.

Asikuko nokuba ungaze ube nomsindo. Imalunga nokwazi indlela yokujongana nomsindo wakho xa usiza. Kwaye akufuneki ube uzolile njengoBuddha ngaphambi kokuba uthethe neqabane lakho malunga nento ekucaphukisileyo-qiniseka nje ukuba uzolile ngokwaneleyo ukuze ukwazi ukuzilawula.

Unokuthula njani? Fumana izicwangciso-qhinga zokuthomalalisa kwaye uzigcine zilungile — nokuba kukuhamba uhambo olude, ukuzilolonga, ibhafu yokuhlambela, iphazili, izahluko ezimbalwa zencwadi, amaphepha ambalwa kwincwadi, umthambo wokuphefumla wemizuzu emihlanu, okanye enye into iyonke. Ukuba ufuna njalo, bhala phantsi uluhlu lwakho lweendlela "zokuya" ekulawuleni umsindo kwaye uyiqwalasele rhoqo.

3. Kulungele ukuxolela.

Kuvakala kulula, kodwa kulungele ukulixolela iqabane lakho.

Khumbula, kwanezibini ezisempilweni zinokulwa, zishushu umsindo. Kodwa okona kubalulekileyo, izibini ezisempilweni zikwanaso nesakhono sokufumana uxolelo kwaye hayi ukubila izinto ezincinci. (Izibini eziphilileyo zihlala zilungile ekubonakaliseni umsindo ngokufanelekileyo kwaye zizama ukuqonda owona mthombo wengqumbo, nazo.)

Umsindo ubalulekile ukuFundwa

Wayenjani uMad uHitler?