Ulwa njani ukuba neXhala loLuntu: Buyisa i-Etiquette!

Ukuba unengxaki yokuphazamiseka koxinzelelo lwasentlalweni, sukuvumela nabani na ukuba akuphoxe ekucingeni ukuba ziintloni. Ayiyo. Kukuchongwa kwempilo yengqondo eyaziwayo ebonakaliswa luloyiko olukhulu kunye nokungonwabi kwiimeko zentlalo, ezichaphazela ngaphezulu kwesigidi se-15 sabantu abadala kwaye ziphazamisa ukusebenza kwemihla ngemihla. Unokoyika ukujongwa okanye ugwetywe ngabanye, okanye wenze iimpazamo, okanye ube neentloni. Unokufumana iimpawu zomzimba ezinjengokubila, ukungcangcazela, ukubetha kwentliziyo okukhawulezayo, kunye nesicaphucaphu; ezi zihlala zikhokelela kuthintelo lwentsebenzo ebalulekileyo yemihla ngemihla. Isizathu asikagqitywa: ubungqina bezinto zemfuza bukhona, nangona indalo idlala indima eyomeleleyo.

Andikhumbuli ixesha ebomini bam xa ndingazange ndilwe noxinzelelo lwentlalo. Xa ndandikwibanga lesibini, utitshala wam wandimemela ekhayeni lakhe kwisidlo sasemini kwaye ndandisoyika nje. Kuthekani ukuba andinakukutya ukutya akuphakileyo? Kwafuneka izinto zilungiswe ngendlela ethile okanye ndothuke. Bendingafuni ukuba krwada, kodwa bekunokwenzeka ukuba waye luhlobo lomntu onokuthi abeke i-pickles kwiisanti zentlanzi. Kwakufuneka ndimelane njani naloo nto?

Amatheko okuhlala ayimfihlakalo kum: abantu kubonakala ngathi bazibandakanya ngokuzithandela. Ngoba? Kutheni le nto beya kuzibeka koko? Umntu akazange azi ukuba alindele ntoni kuwo nawuphi na umsitho-abantu abanakulindeleka. Ndandiye ndibuye ekhaya ndivela epatini okanye emngqungwini okanye kwipikniki ndidinwe mpela ngumgudu wokuzonwabisa ngelixa ndizondelela ngenzondelelo. Wonke omnye umntu wayebonakala eyazi imigaqo; Kuya kufuneka ukuba ndiyiphose iklasi yeseminal, bendicinga, kwaye yayihlazo kakhulu ukubuza ikhosi yokuzihlaziya ngoku.

Kwangoko kwangoko, ngelizama ukubonisa ukungahambelani kwezentlalo wonke umntu ubonakala ngathi uyayithathela ingqalelo, ndiye ndaqala ukuqokelela iincwadi kwi-etiquette: eyakudala, eyintyatyambo ephuzi malunga nendlela yokubamba i-canapé, okanye indlela yokufihla itshefu yakho umkhono. Ndafunda ukuba xa uluma kwisiqwenga segristle okanye kwithambo leentlanzi, ubufanele ukuba "ngobunono" -zonke iincwadi zithi "ngobunono" -ukususa isuntswana elikhubekisayo emlonyeni wakho ulibeke ecaleni kwepleyiti yakho. Ulwazi olunjalo aluzange lundithuthuzele, kwaye bendihlala ndifunda ezo ncwadi kangangeeyure, ndonwabile ngokwazi ukuba kweli hlabathi linesiphithiphithi, elinesiphithiphithi ubuncinci bendinamandla okuphatha umzuzwana.

Kodwa ngokuya ndikhula abantu abadala batshintsha, hayi ukuthanda kwam. Kwii-70s bekufanele ukuba uyikhuphe yonke, yaphosa indibano emoyeni, kwaye uhambe nokuhamba. U-Emily Post akazange ahambe kunye nokuhamba. Ndaziva ndilahlekile kwaye ndinesikwere kwaye ndiphelelwe lixesha, kwaye ixhala lam lokunxulumana nabantu lakhula kakhulu. Kwakufuneka ndivele njani "ngayo" kwaye ndikhululeke, ngelixa ndandixakekile? Akundithathanga xesha lide ukufumana impendulo: Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine.

Mhlawumbi ngenxa yokuba uxinzelelo lwam lwalunzulu kakhulu, bendihlala ndikwazi ukubeka kude utywala obuphindwe kabini kunentombi zam. Kwakungekho nzuzo kunxano lwam olungenasiphelo. Ngandlela thile, kuyinto entle ukuba ndinxile kakhulu, kuba ndinenkumbulo enamabala endikuthethileyo okanye ndiyenzileyo. Ndiyayazi loo nto, ukuzisola kwam okukhulu, utywala abuzange bundijike bube nguNoel Coward. Akunjalo. Bendi luhlobo lomntu ongakhathaliyo, onxilileyo othanda ukujinga kuwo wonke umntu, esithi "Ndiyakuthanda kakhulu." Ndiyothuka xa ndicinga ukuba bendikhe ndabonakala ngaphandle kolawulo. Intombazana eyayingenakukwazi ukugcina ityhuna kwintlanzi yayo yetyhuna ayihlawulanga kangako kuhlobo lwamadoda awayewathatha ebhedini yakhe.

Ngoku ndineminyaka engaphezu kwe-18 ndinganxilanga, ubumnandi bobomi buye bacocwa. Ndigcina umqamelo wam kum, kwaye ndihamba ngokukhawuleza kunye nokudlwengulwa kwam uthando. Ukunyanga ngokuziphatha kwengqondo kukwenzile nemimangaliso-indibonisile ubuyatha beengcinga zam. Kude nokungena kwiintsilelo zam, abantu kusenokwenzeka ukuba abacingi nokucinga ngam, kodwa malunga nenye into iyonke (bahlala ngokwabo). Obo bulumko buwenze lula umphefumlo wam, kodwa kufuneka ndivume ukuba ayisoloko indithomalalisa ngokwaneleyo xa ndityebile malunga nesidlo sangokuhlwa esizayo. Ngenxa yoko, kufuneka ndikhuphe iincwadi zam, kwaye ndiphinde nditshekishe ukuba ngubani owaziswa kuqala kubani, kwaye apho ndibeka khona iglasi yam yamanzi, kunye nendlela yokubonisa ngobulumko umncedisi.

Kodwa isimilo simalunga nokungazi ukuba zingaphi izihlandlo zokuba kwifolokhwe yesaladi. Isimilo sisinceda sincokole nabanye abantu. Bacebisa ngendlela yokunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni. Zigudise imiphetho erhabaxa yonxibelelwano olusondeleyo. Ngamafutshane, banciphisa ukungaqiniseki kokuzibandakanya kwezentlalo ngokumisela indlela echubekileyo nokulindelweyo yokwenza izinto. Mhlawumbi oku kuvakala ngathi kunqabile kwaye kusemthethweni kuwe. Unokukhalaza ukuba kuthatha ubumdaka kunxibelelwano lwasentlalweni. Kodwa ngokoluvo lwam, yinto entle leyo. Ke kuya kuthini xa sizibeka emngciphekweni wokubeka esichengeni amandla okuzenzekelayo? Ukuya kuthi ga ngoku ndixhalabileyo, ukuzithemba lelinye nje igama lokungaqiniseki. Kwaye nantoni na enciphisa ukungaqiniseki iya kuba nefuthe lokuthomalalisa imithambo-luvo yam.

Kwinqanaba layo, i-etiquette isekelwe ekuqwalaseleni iimvakalelo zomnye umntu. Umgaqo kuphela ofuna ukuwulawula nguMthetho Omkhulu: yenza kwabanye ngendlela oya kuthi benze ngayo kuwe. Okanye, njengoko ikopi yam yowe-1938 yeManners for Moderns isitsho, "Imbeko kukwenza nokuthetha / Eyona nto ilunge kakhulu." Ukuba bendinokuphuma ngomso ndiye kuluntu apho wonke umntu ethembise ukuthobela lo mgaqo, bendiya kuba nomdla-hayi, isihogo, ndingavuya kakhulu-ukwenza uluqhelwano.