Njani izibini ezisebenza ngokungafaniyo kwiminqweno yesondo

Xa kufikwa kwisini kubudlelwane, akukho nto inokuthi ithathelwe ingqalelo njenge "qhelekileyo, "kwaye ukugxila kumndilili kuphazamisa kuphela iyantlukwano enkulu yamava esondo lomntu. Ke, umzekelo, ukuba uyazibuza ukuba zingaphi izihlandlo apho abantu abatshatileyo kufuneka "babelane ngesondo", uyaphoswa linqaku. Ngelixa abanye abantu banokufumana kube kanye okanye kabini ngenyanga ngaphezulu kokwaneleyo ukubopha kunye neqabane labo, abanye bayayifuna yonke imihla okanye nangakumbi rhoqo. Ngamanye amagama, abantu bahluka kakhulu kwinqanaba labo lomnqweno wesini.

Ngaphaya koko, nakwinqanaba lomntu ngamnye, abantu banamava okwahluka kwiminqweno yesini. Ezinye iintsuku uziva unesidingo esivuthayo, ezinye iintsuku azininzi kangako. Kwaye kukho amaxesha apho kungekho nto inokukufumana kwiimood. Olu luhlu lubanzi lokwahlukana-kokubini phakathi kwabantu naphakathi kwabantu-kuphela kwento "eqhelekileyo" malunga nomnqweno wesini.

Ngenxa yoku kwahluka, akunakuphepheka ukuba izibini ziya kujongana nokungahambelani komnqweno wesini. Ngapha koko, esi sesinye sezizathu eziqhelekileyo zokuba izibini zifuna ingcebiso. Kodwa ngoncedo okanye ngaphandle koncedo, izibini ziyazifumana iindlela zothethathethwano malunga nomnqweno wesini, nangona ezinye zazo zinokwanelisa ukogqitha ezinye.

Ukucacisa lo mbandela, ugqirha wezengqondo kwiYunivesithi yaseSouthampton (eNgilane) uLaura Vowels kunye nogxa wakhe uKristen Mark babuze abantu abadala abangama-229 kubudlelwane obuzibophelelayo ukuba bachaze iindlela abazisebenzisayo xa befuna ukungangqinelani kwiminqweno yesondo neqabane labo. Abaphandi baxele iziphumo zolu phononongo kwiphepha lakutshanje le- Oovimba bokuziphatha okubi ngokwesondo .

Okokuqala, abathathi-nxaxheba baphendule kuvavanyo olujolise ekuvavanyeni amanqanaba abo ngokubanzi ukwaneliseka ngokwesondo, ulwaneliseko lobuhlobo, kunye nomnqweno wesini. Abaphandi abafumananga iyantlukwano ngokwesini ngokwemiba yezokwabelana ngesondo kunye nolwalamano. Nangona kunjalo, amadoda ayenamathuba amaninzi kunabafazi ukuba axele inqanaba eliphezulu lomnqweno wesini kunamaqabane abo, ngokuhambelana nophando lwangaphambili.

Emva koko, abathathi-nxaxheba bacelwa ukuba baxele ukuba zeziphi iindlela abazisebenzisileyo ekuthethathethaneni umahluko kwiminqweno yesini kunye neqabane labo. Baphinde bakala ukuba baneliseke kangakanani sisicwangciso ngasinye abasisebenzisileyo. Lo yayingumbuzo ovulelekileyo kuba abaphandi bafuna ukuqokelela izicwangciso ezininzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka.

Emva koko, abaphandi baqhuba uhlalutyo lomxholo, apho babenakho ukuqoqa onke amacebo akhankanyiweyo kwimixholo emihlanu, ababeka ngokwamanqanaba ezenzo zesondo ezichaphazelekayo. (Kubalulekile ukuba uqaphele apha ukuba ngeenjongo zolu phononongo "isini" sachazwa njengokwabelana ngesondo.) Nantsi into efunyenwe ngabaphandi:

• Ukuyekiswa. Umlingane onomnqweno ophantsi wesondo uyala inkqubela phambili okanye uqhankqalazo ngokuchasene nabo, ngelixa iqabane elinomnqweno ophakamileyo wesini linokuyeka okanye kungenye indlela yokuhambisa iingcinga zabo kwizinto ezingezizo ezesondo ezinje ngokwenza umthambo okanye ukuzonwabisa. Ngelixa iipesenti ezili-11 zabaphenduliyo zichaze ukungazibandakanyi neqabane labo, kuphela sisi-9 seepesenti kwaba basifumene isicwangciso esikhokelele kwiziphumo ezanelisayo. Kuzo zonke izicwangciso zokujongana neyantlukwano kwiminqweno yesini, ukungakhathalelwa kwezona zinto kuluncedo kuyeyona kuluncedo. Ikwanakho ukubangela umonakalo omkhulu kubudlelwane ekuhambeni kwexesha.
• Unxibelelwano. Esi sibini sixoxa ngezizathu zokungangqinelani komnqweno wesini kwaye sizama ukufumana isisombululo sokulalanisa, njengokucwangcisa isondo ngelinye ixesha. Iipesenti ezili-11 kuphela zabaphenduli abaxele ukuba basebenzise esi sicwangciso, kodwa kwezi, iipesenti ezingama-57 zathi zilufumene luluncedo. Abantu abatshatileyo bayasondelelana xa benokuthetha ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka malunga neemvakalelo zabo kunye neminqweno yabo, kwaye banakho ukusombulula ukungavisisani kwabo kwiminqweno yesondo ngokwenza njalo. Nangona kunjalo, iinzame zonxibelelwano zinokukhokelela kukukhathazeka xa amaqabane ezifumana ekhuselekile okanye eziva engonwabanga ukuthetha ngemicimbi yesondo.
• Ukuzibandakanya emsebenzini ngaphandle kweqabane. Lo mxholo ubandakanya imisebenzi enje nge-solo masturbation, ukubukela iphonografi, kunye nokufunda iinoveli zothando okanye i-erotica. Malunga nekota yabaphenduli (iipesenti ezingama-27) bajongana nokwaliwa ngokwesini ngale ndlela, kwaye phantse isiqingatha sabo (iipesenti ezingama-46) basifumana njengesicwangciso esiluncedo. Ngapha koko, ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha sabaphenduli sikhankanye ukuphulula amalungu esini njengenye yeendlela zawo, nokuba ayisiyiyo indlela yabo eqhelekileyo. Njengesithuba sokumisa umahluko okhoyo okwexeshana kwiminqweno yesini, ukuzikhuthaza sisisombululo esifanelekileyo. Nangona kunjalo, inzondo inokwakha xa elinye iqabane livakalelwa kukuba le yeyona ndlela yokufumana iimfuno zabo zesondo.
• Ukuzibandakanya emsebenzini kunye. Oku kubandakanya imisebenzi enje ngokuganga, ukuphulula, kunye nokuhlamba kunye ezinokuthi zikhokelele okanye zingakhokeleli kwisini. Ngenye indlela, iqabane elinomnqweno ophantsi linokunika enye into enokwabelana ngesondo, enjengokuphulula amalungu esini okanye isini somlomo. Ngaphezulu kwesithathu sabaphenduli (iipesenti ezingama-38) baxela ukusebenzisa le ndlela, kwaye ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha (iipesenti ezingama-54) bakufumene kukhokelela kwiziphumo ezonelisayo. Nokuba imisebenzi engeyiyo eyokwabelana ngesondo, njengokupheka isidlo kunye okanye ukubambana ngezandla ngelixa uhamba epakini, kunokuba ngamava abalulekileyo okudibanisa izibini, kwaye ezi zinokunceda iqabane elinomnqweno ophantsi liphinde liphinde linomdla wesondo kwezinye izinto ezibalulekileyo.
• Ukwabelana ngesondo nokuba kunjalo. Kwezinye izibini, iqabane elinomnqweno ophantsi libonelela nge "quickie" endaweni "yesini esipheleleyo." Abanye bayavuma ukuba babelane ngesondo njengesiqhelo nangona bengekho kwimeko, amaxesha amaninzi bafumana ukuba bavuswa kwinkqubo. Abaphenduli abachaze ukusebenzisa le ndlela babonisa inkolelo yabo ekubalulekeni kwezesondo kubudlelwane kunye nomnqweno wabo wokwanelisa iimfuno zamaqabane abo. Ngelixa kuphela iipesenti ezili-14 zabaphenduli abathi basebenzise le ndlela, ngaphezulu kwesiqingatha sabo (iipesenti ezingama-58) bathi bonwabile ziziphumo.

Olu pho nonongo lubonisa ukuba izibini zisebenzisa iindlela ezahlukeneyo zokujongana nokungafani komnqweno wesondo kwaye ngamnye unokusebenza ngokufanelekileyo ekusombululeni ingxaki.

Ukwahluka kuphela kukungakhathali, nto leyo eyonakalisa ngokucacileyo ubudlelwane, ngakumbi xa isisiqhelo. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba uyala inkqubela yeqabane lakho, kufuneka unxibelelane nezizathu zokungabikho komdla kwaye unike iqabane lakho ezinye iindlela ezingezizo ezesondo zokubopha. Kuya kufuneka uvuleleke kumnqweno wokubuyela kwisondo xa ubunye ubudlelwane bakho kunye neemfuno zeemvakalelo zifezekisiwe.

Kwangokunjalo, ukuba ufumanisa ukuba inkqubela yakho ngokwesondo iyaphazamiseka, kuya kufuneka uvule ijelo lonxibelelwano neqabane lakho, ungavali ngaphandle. Ngapha koko, kubalulekile ukuba ugcine engqondweni ukuba ukumamela kubaluleke kakhulu kunokuthetha ukuba ufuna ukuqonda ukuba livela phi iqabane lakho. Njengoko uhlangabezana nezinye iimfuno zabo, unokufumana ukuba zishushu kuwe nakwezesondo.

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