Indlela uMtshato obutshintsha ngayo ubuntu bakho

Umxholo

• Ubuntu buFundwe ngokuBalulekileyo
• Izinto ezi-3 zobuso bakho ezixelela ilizwe

Kudla ngokuthiwa izibini ezitshatileyo zikhula ngokufanayo kule minyaka idlulileyo. Kodwa ngaba umtshato unako ukubutshintsha ubuntu bakho? Uphando olutsha yiYunivesithi yaseGeorgia isayikholojisti u-Justin Lavner kunye noogxa bakhe babonisa ukuba ubuntu babantu bayatshintsha, ngeendlela eziqikelelweyo, kunyaka wokuqala onesiqingatha emva kokubopha iqhina.

Iingcali zengqondo zahlulwe kumbuzo wokuba ingaba ubuntu bujongwe ngokuzalwa yimfuza yakho okanye bujongwe ngamava kubuntwana, uninzi lukholelwa ukuba luyindibaniselwano yendalo kunye nokondla. Ebudaleni, nangona kunjalo, ubuntu buhlala busekwa kwaye abuguquki kakhulu emva koko. Okwangoku, olunye uphando lubonakalisile ukuba ezona ziganeko zibalulekileyo ebomini zinokubonisa ubuntu kwicala elithile: Umzekelo, isingeniso esomeleleyo kunye nomnqweno wokufundisa sinokufunda ukwanda ngakumbi kwigumbi lokufundela.

Umtshato, ewe, yenye yezona ziganeko zibalulekileyo ebomini bomntu. Kuba izibini ezitshatileyo kufuneka zifumane iindlela zokuhlangana mihla le, mhlawumbi ayothusi into yokuba babe nokufumana utshintsho kubuntu babo njengoko beziqhelanisa nobomi obuhlulelanayo. Le ngcamango yokuba uLavner kunye noogxa bakhe bavavanya.

Kolu phando, kwaqeshwa abantu abatshatileyo abali-169 ukuba baphendule kwimibuzo ekwimibuzo emithathu emtshatweni wabo- kwiinyanga eziyi-6, 12, ne-18. Ngale ndlela, abaphandi banokubona imeko yotshintsho kubuntu. Kwinqaku ngalinye, izibini (ezisebenza zodwa) ziphendule kwimibuzo emibini, enye ivavanya ukoneliseka emtshatweni kunye nobunye bokulinganisa.

Eyona nkolelo yamkelwe ngokubanzi yobuntu yaziwa ngokuba ziiNtlanu eziKhulu. Lethiyori iphakamisa ukuba kukho imilinganiselo emihlanu yobuntu esisiseko. Iimpawu eziHlanu eziKhulu zihlala zikhunjulwa ngegama elithi OCEAN:

1. Ukungafihli. Uvulelekile kangakanani kumava amatsha. Ukuba uphezulu ekuvulekeni, uthanda ukuzama izinto ezintsha. Ukuba uphantsi ekuvulekeni, ukhululekile ngakumbi kwinto eqhelekileyo.

2. Ukuba nesazela. Uthembekile kwaye unocwangco. Ukuba uphezulu kwisazela, uyathanda ukugcina ixesha kwaye ugcine indawo yakho yokuhlala kunye nokusebenza kucocekile. Ukuba uphantsi kwisazela, awuphikisi malunga nexesha elibekiweyo, kwaye ukhululekile kwimeko yakho exineneyo.

3. Ukongezwa kwamanye amazwe. Uphuma kangakanani. Ukuba uphakame kakhulu, uthanda ukuhlala nabantu abaninzi. Ukuba uphantsi ekutshintsheni (oko kukuthi, ungenise), uyathanda ukuba nexesha lakho ngokwakho.

4. Ukuvumelana. Uhlala njani kakuhle nabanye. Ukuba uphakeme ngokuvumeleka, uyinto elula kwaye wonwabile ngokwenza konke okwenziwa ngumntu wonke. Ukuba uphantsi ekuvumeni, kuya kufuneka ube nezinto ngendlela yakho, nokuba sifuna ntoni sonke.

5. I-Neuroticism. Uzinzile ngokweemvakalelo. Ukuba uphezulu kwi-neuroticism, ufumana uguquko olukhulu lweemvakalelo kwaye unokuba noburhalarhume. Ukuba uphantsi kwi-neuroticism, imeko yakho izinzile, kwaye uhlala ubomi bakho kwi-keel.

Xa abaphandi bahlalutya idatha emva kweenyanga ezili-18 zomtshato, bafumanisa ezi zinto zilandelayo zitshintsha ubuntu phakathi kwamadoda nabafazi:

• Ukuvuleka. Abafazi babonisa ukwehla ekuvulekeni. Mhlawumbi olu tshintsho lubonakalisa ukwamkela kwabo iinkqubo zomtshato.
• Ukuba nesazela. Amadoda ande ngokubonakalayo kwisazela, ngelixa abafazi bahlala bengenjalo. Abaphandi baqaphele ukuba abantu basetyhini bahlala benyukele kunesazela kunamadoda, kwaye bekunjalo ngamadoda nabafazi kolu phononongo. Ukwanda kokunyaniseka emadodeni mhlawumbi kubonisa ukufunda kwabo ukubaluleka kokuthembeka kunye noxanduva emtshatweni.
• Ukongezwa. Amadoda azisa ngakumbi (asezantsi kuthengiso) ngaphezulu konyaka wokuqala kunye nesiqingatha somtshato. Olunye uphando lubonakalisile ukuba izibini ezitshatileyo zihlala zithintela unxibelelwano lwazo xa kuthelekiswa nexesha ababengatshatanga ngalo. Oku kutshona kwe-inversion mhlawumbi kubonisa loo mkhuba.
• Ukuvunywa. Bobabini abayeni nabafazi baye bangathandani ngokuhamba kwesifundo, kodwa oku kwehla kuyabonakala ngokukodwa kubafazi. Ngokubanzi, abasetyhini bahlala bevumeleka ngakumbi kunamadoda. Olu datha lubonisa ukuba aba bafazi babefunda ukuziqinisa ngakumbi kwiminyaka yokuqala yomtshato.
• Neuroticism. Amadoda abonise ukonyuka okuncinci (kodwa kungabalulekanga ngokwamanani) ukwanda kozinzo lweemvakalelo. Abafazi babonisa enkulu ngakumbi. Ngokubanzi, abasetyhini bahlala bexela amanqanaba aphezulu e-neuroticism (okanye ukungazinzi ngokweemvakalelo) kunamadoda. Kulula ukuthelekelela ukuba ukuzibophelela emtshatweni kube nefuthe elihle kuzinzo lweemvakalelo zabafazi.

Ngokuqinisekileyo ayothusi into yokuba ukoneliseka emtshatweni kwehle kuwo omabini amadoda nabafazi ngexesha lesifundo. Ngeenyanga ezili-18, i-honeymoon yayicacile. Nangona kunjalo, abaphandi bafumanise ukuba iimpawu ezithile zobuntu emadodeni okanye kubafazi zixele kwangaphambili ukuba ukwaneliseka kwabo emtshatweni kwehle kangakanani.

Ubuntu buFundwe ngokuBalulekileyo

Izinto ezi-3 zobuso bakho ezixelela ilizwe