Indlela engaqhelekanga yokuQikelela ukuba iqabane lakho liya kukopa

Kuya kuba luncedo ukwazi ukuba iqabane lakho liza kukopa. Unokucinga ukuba sele unengqiqo entle yoku kwindlela iqabane lakho eliziphatha ngayo kuwe: Ukuthanda, ukukhathalela, nokumamela, kubonakala ngathi iqabane lakho alisoze laphambuka, kwaye ubudlelwane bakho buza kuba yinto elungileyo enye eneminyaka yolonwabo ngaphambili. Ewe kunjalo, kunokuba luncedo ukuba nendlela ethembekileyo yokuqikelela ikamva. Uphando olutsha lubonisa ukuba kungafuneki ujonge kude kunabazali beqabane lakho. UDana Weiser weYunivesithi yaseTexas kunye neDyunivesithi yaseNevada Reno kaDaniel Weigel (2017) baqhube uthotho lophando ngeendlela zokungathembeki kwizizukulwana ngezizukulwana ukufumanisa ukuba, njengoko bekrokrela, abantu "bafunda" ukukopa ukuba bakhulele kumakhaya apho abazali babo babesaziwa ukungathembeki.

U-Weiser no-Weigel bacebisa ukuba, kwiindlela ezininzi zokuchaza ukungathembeki, eyona nto ibalulekileyo ibandakanya "ukufihla isimilo kunye nokushukuma kweemvakalelo okubangelwa kuko." Baqhubeka becebisa ukuba eUnited States, "ukunganyaniseki kujongwa ngokungamkelekanga kubudlelwane bezothando." Yintoni ekhokelela ekubeni abantu bangathembeki, ke, ukuba ibangela isiphithiphithi esingaka? Abantu banokuba notyekelo lomntu ngamnye lokungathembeki kumaqabane abo. , ngababhali, kodwa bayafunda nakwiintsapho zabo zemvelaphi ukuba kulungile na ukuphambuka. Ithiyori yokufunda kwezentlalo Bacebisa, babonelele ngesakhelo esiluncedo sokuqonda ukuhanjiswa kweepatheni zokungathembeki ezisuka kubazali ziye kubantwana babo. Ufunda ngokubukela abazali bakho ukuba ukuthembeka kuvelisa iziphumo ezilungileyo, kwaye ke nawe kunokwenzeka ukuba uthembeke. Kwelinye icala, ukuba omnye wabazali bakho ubonakala ngathi uyonwaba ngokuzibandakanya kwimicimbi engaphandle komtshato, ezi ndlela zokuziphatha ziya kuqiniswa kuwe. Ngale ndlela, abantu bahlakulela "izikimu ezinzima malunga nobudlelwane bezothando" (iphe. 935).

Ukuvavanya inkcazo yokufunda ekuhlaleni yokuhanjiswa kokungathembeki, iqela liqhube uthotho lwezifundo ezintathu ngokudityaniswa kwesidanga kunye nesampulu yabantu abadala kwi-Intanethi.Ngokubalulekileyo, nangona uninzi lwabathathi-nxaxheba babethandana kunokuba babe nobudlelwane emtshatweni, amanyathelo okungathembeki asetyenzisiweyo kuvavanyo kuvavanywa nayiphi na Umzekelo wokukopa, hayi ukukopela kulwalamano lomntu lwangoku. Abaphandi bachaze ukungathembeki hayi ngomgangatho othile oqinisekileyo, kodwa kukuba abathathi-nxaxheba bakholelwa ukuba indlela abaziphethe ngayo iyaphula inkcazo yabo yokuthembeka. Kwiphepha lemibuzo "leenkolelo zokungathembeki," abathathi-nxaxheba babonisa amanqanaba esivumelwano okanye ukungavumelani neengxelo ezinje "Ubudlelwane bunokuqina emva kokungathembeki" (iziphumo ezilungileyo); "Ukungathembeki kubangela ubudlelwane buphele" (iziphumo ezibi); kwaye "It kulungile ukuba neentlobano zesini nomntu ongelilo iqabane lakho olithandanayo ”(ulwamkelo) .Abathathi-nxaxheba bakwangqinela ukuba bangabandakanyeka njani kwiindlela zokuziphatha ezinxulumene nokukopela.

Iqela lophando laqala ukumisela ukuba, njengoko bekuxelwe kwangaphambili, abantu abanabazali abangathembekanga kunokwenzeka ukuba bakwamkele ukuthanda ukungathembeki, emva koko babe nakho ukuzibandakanya nokuziphatha ngokukhohlisa. Izinto ezinje ngokuthemba kunye nokuziva unentembelo kumandla abo okonwaba kubudlelwane azidlalanga ndima. Nangona kunjalo, uphononongo lwesibini lwabonisa ukuba ukungathembeki kwabazali kwakungadibananga ngqo neenkolelo zabantwana ngokungathembeki. Ababhali baqiqa ngelithi ukungathembeki kwabazali kuphela, akwanelanga ukuseta inqanaba leenkolelo ngabantwana babo malunga nokuba ngaba baziva bekhohlisa kwamkelekile na. Endaweni yoko, kwisifundo sesithathu, esasiquka isampulu enkulu neyahlukileyo kunale mibini idlulileyo, u-Weiser no-Weigel baphonononge indima enokubakho yonxibelelwano lwabazali malunga nokungathembeki. Yinto enye ukukhulela kwikhaya apho umzali ethandana nomntu ongaphandle komtshato, kodwa esenza oko ngobulumko, kunye nenye apho kubonakala khona, nokuba kukuziphatha komzali okanye kukuva abazali bephikisana, ukuba ukungathembeki kuyenzeka.

Isampulu endala kunye neyantlukwano ikwaxele inqanaba eliphezulu lokungathembeki kunabanye ababini, omnye kwabathathi-nxaxheba echaza ukuba bebengathembekanga ngaxeshanye kolunye ubudlelwane babo. Ukongeza, eyona nto kugxilwe kuyo kwesi sifundo sesithathu kukuba ngaba unxibelelwano lwabazali malunga nokungathembeki luya kuba nefuthe kwinkolelo yokungathembeki, eya kuthi ke iqikelele iingxelo zokukopa. Abathathi-nxaxheba balinganise ukuba zingaphi iinkcazo malunga nokungathembeki ezifanayo kwimiyalezo abayifumene ekhaya, nokuba abazali babo babaxelele ngokuthe ngqo ukuba ukungathembeki kuyinto enqwenelekayo okanye hayi kubudlelwane bezothando. La manyathelo onxibelelwano osapho adlale indima enkulu kakhulu kunokuveza nje ukungathembeki kwabazali.

Ababhali baqukumbele ngelithi, ngokuhambelana noqikelelo lwabo, "ukungathembeki kwabazali kuthumela imiyalezo engalibalekiyo kwinzala malunga nokwamkeleka okukhulu kokungathembeki," imiyalezo "engene ngaphakathi kwaye isetyenziselwa ukwakha iinkqubo zenkolo yenkolelo." Ngenxa yemida ethile yesifundo, ngakumbi Ukuxhomekeka kwiingxelo ezibuyayo, u-Weiser no-Weigel bayaziqaphela ukuba iziphumo zifuna ukuphindwaphindwa kwaye, ngokufanelekileyo, uyilo olude lokulandela ukungathembeki ekuhambeni kwexesha. izimvo.

Ukufaka olu phando kubomi bakho, ke, qala ngokuthatha isitokhwe kwinto osele uyazi ngemvelaphi yeqabane lakho. Ukuba sele uhleli kubudlelwane iminyaka emininzi, kwaye iqabane lakho lihleli lithembekile, mhlawumbi ukhuselekile. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba uzama ukuthatha isigqibo sokuba ungene kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo nomntu ongamazi kakuhle, ukufumanisa ngabazali bakhe kunokukunika isiseko sokuqonda kwangaphambili. Le isenokungabi sisihloko sencoko yomhla wesidlo sothando, kodwa inokubonakala ngokulula kwinto oyifundayo ngabazali beqabane lakho njengoko ubudlelwane bakho buqhubeka. Kuyenzeka, ewe, ukuba xa abantu bekhulele kwiintsapho eziphawulwe kukungathembeki, benza isifungo sokungaze bawele kwisilingo, kodwa ukuba indlela yokufunda yoluntu iyasebenza, loo nto yokufunda kunzima kunokuba nzima ukuyinqoba.

Ukushwankathela: Ukuba umkhathalele ngokwenene iqabane lakho, ukuphonononga indima yeendlela zonxibelelwano zosapho malunga nokungathembeki kunokunceda ekupheliseni iingxaki kubudlelwane bakho ngaphambi kokuba zikhule. Ulwaneliseko lobuhlobo lunemithombo emininzi, kwaye ukuba ukuthembeka lixabiso okholelwa kulo, ke ukuqonda ukuqonda kweqabane lakho kuya kunceda elakho libe lelonelisa ngakumbi nelinyamezelayo.