Ubudlelwane obukude, buTyelelwe kwakhona

Umxholo

• Amanqaku aphambili
• Ubudlelwane obufunekayo ekufundeni
• Ikhonkco elinyanzelayo phakathi kothando kunye nobukrelekrele

Amanqaku aphambili

• Ngexesha lobhubhane, iindlela esinxibelelana ngazo kwaye sinxibelelana nabanye abantu zitshintshe kakhulu.
• Ubudlelwane obubalulekileyo, ukusuka koyena mntu usondeleyo kwezona zinto zixhaphakileyo, njengomntu osebenza naye, kuye kwanyanzeleka ukuba kunxibelelwano olukude.
• Ulwazi olunokuthi lulahleke, ligqwetheke, okanye lungaqondwa kakuhle xa unxibelelana phantse lufuna uhlengahlengiso kutoliko.
• Indima esifuna ukuba umntu ayidlale ebomini bethu inokufuna ukuphononongwa kwakhona kodwa iinzame zomeleza ukuthembeka kubudlelwane obusondeleyo.

Ibhlog yam, "Ubomi, ibonakalisiwe," yaqala ngeengxoxo malunga nobudlelwane bezithandani, ukuthanda phakathi kobomi (kunokwenzeka ukuba bakhule abantwana), ukuxabisa ubudlelane obukude, kunye nokuhamba kwabo kwimiceli mngeni.

Ngobhubhane, ubudlelwane obuninzi bunyanzeliswa kumhlaba omtsha: ukunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni kwaba yingxaki kwaye abantu bafuna iindlela zokuhlala besondele kwabo babathandayo. Bazama ukugcina amakhaya abo, umsebenzi, uluntu, kunye nentlalo-ntle yabo kangangoko banakho. Kwangelo xesha, ngequbuliso bafuna ukuphinda bachaze unxibelelwano kwihlabathi langaphandle.

Itekhnoloji yenze ukuba unxibelelwano nabanye lubonakale. Imisebenzi yafudukela kwi-Intanethi, kunye neendlela zokufunda, zokwabelana, zokufundisa, kunye nokuthenga nantoni na kwinto yokucoca izindlu zangasese ukubukela iibhetri. Ubudlelwane bethu buye batshintsha njengoko abantu beyekile ukuhamba, balwa bodwa, kwaye belangazelela umoya omtsha kunye nokuhamba. Ndabhala malunga "Xa Ubudlelwane obuValiweyo buhamba ngokuBonakalayo," ndichaza ezinye izibonelelo ezinokubakho kunye nemiceli mngeni ehambelana nemeko yokunyanzelwa yokunxibelelana kumgama omde, ukwandisa ububanzi "bobudlelwane obude" ukubandakanya ubudlelwane ngaphandle kwalabo bathandanayo.

Ulwalamano oluninzi luye lwaphazamiseka. Ngexesha lobhubhane, iimfuno zethu zendalo zonxibelelwano lwasentlalweni kunye nokuzibophelela okusibophelelayo ekunxibelelaneni nabanye ngeenjongo zomsebenzi okanye ezinye izinto ezichazwe ngokutsha esithethe nabo ngoluphi uhlobo kwaye kaninzi kangakanani. Iifowuni ziye zaziva zisondele ngakumbi kuneentlanganiso kwizikrini. Babephelela ekunxibelelaneni nabantu esinokufikelela kubo ngokobuqu. I-ID yomntu otsala umnxeba ivumele ukuba umamkeli athathe okanye angahoyi ngokuzikhethela, azise ukungachani rhoqo malunga nokuba umntu ofowunayo akahoywa okanye akagatywanga kwaye unyanzela ubudlelwane obusondeleyo kude nakude ukusuka ekuphakameni kwaye ngenxa yoko kufutshane nakufutshane nokuqeshwa kweshishini.

Kwangelo xesha, intengiselwano yeshishini eyandayo kunye namalungiselelo okwenziwa kwe-intanethi, afakwe kwi-chat "enqabileyo" enqabileyo xa sasilufuna uncedo lwabantu kwaye sakwazi ukufikelela kwezinye. “Amagumbi okuphumla” abe zizipho ezamkelekileyo, xa sinokuthi "sidibane" nabantu abatsha nokuba sikhethwe ngokungacwangciswanga okanye ngenxa yokuba babelana ngomdla othile okanye umdla. Ukunxibelelana nabantu okuxabisekileyo nabantu esiqhelene nabo okanye esingabaziyo kuye kwancipha njengoko siphepha iindawo zikawonke-wonke, ukunxibelelana ngokwasemzimbeni, ngakumbi izihlwele.

Kwenzeke ntoni kubudlelwane bethu obusondeleyo nabantwana, nokuba sesikolweni okanye ngabadala; kunye namanye amalungu osapho, nokuba ngokwembali asondele okanye asesikweni kwaye ukude; nobuhlobo, nokuba loluntu (njengosapho, kugxininiswa ku “thina”), ezembali (ngokusekwe kwiinkumbulo ekwabelwana ngazo okanye iziganeko ezibalulekileyo zophuhliso), okanye intengiselwano (isivumelwano esicacileyo okanye esicace gca abathathi-nxaxheba "abaza kusinika" kwaye "basamkele" ngokulinganayo kubudlelwane)?

Iyenza nzima yonke le nto, umhlaba utshintshe kakhulu. Embindini wenkulungwane yama-20, izifundo ezenziwe okanye eziphefumlelweyo nguTed Newcomb eBennington kunye noLeon Festinger eMIT, zibhalwe kwi "Proximity Principal," umbono wokuba siziva sinxibelelene kakhulu nabo siqhakamshelana nabo kaninzi-abantu esihlala nabo baba ngabahlobo abasenyongweni. , Abahlobo basekuhlaleni baba ngamaqabane, abasebenzi esibabona ngokufuthi baba ngoogxa abaxabisekileyo. Ezi zinto zifunyanisiweyo ziye zaqubuda kuxinzelelo lokuhamba komhlaba kunye noncedo lwe-elektroniki, ukuvumela unxibelelwano olulula kuwo onke amaxesha, ijiyografi kunye nolwazi lomntu. Ubudlelwane obuninzi obusondeleyo buqala kwi-Intanethi kwaye buphele xa ubomi bezinto bufikelela. Abasayi kuphila "baya kuphila."

Kwangelo xesha, uninzi lwabantu luthathe isigqibo sokuba ubudlelwane bothando bungumthwalo kakhulu, okanye bunokulahlwa kwaye bunokutshintshwa ngokulula, okanye bonakalise iinjongo zakho, izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka, ukuzilandela. Iqondo lokuzalwa lehlile njengoko abantu abakwiindawo eziphuhlileyo bekhetha ukungazalanga. Iintsapho ezikhethiweyo zihlala zithatha indawo yeentsapho zentsapho kumalungiselelo okuhlala, imibhiyozo, inkxaso. Ngaphandle kokubuza ukuba uloyiko lokusondelelana luyinto eqhelekileyo, sinokubuza ukuba "Luphathwa njani lonke olu lwalamano kude?"

Ngohlengahlengiso kunye nolungelelwaniso.

Imiceli mngeni: Yintoni emele ilahleke kubudlelwane obuya buhlukaniswe ngokwendawo?

• Ukunxibelelana nomzimba. Abantu kufuneka babe kwindawo efanayo yokwabelana ngokuthinta, amandla, ukudibana kwamehlo (kunye nokuvumelanisa okuyinyani), ulwazi olunyanisekileyo, usulelo lweemvakalelo, kunye nengxelo kwangexesha ebangela ukuba ubudlelwane buphendule ngakumbi kubantu ababandakanyekayo kulo kunasesikolweni umdlalo ofanayo.
• Umxholo ekwabelwana ngawo. Ubudlelwane obunyamezela ukwahlukana bulahlekelwa ngumxholo oqhelekileyo wento uRichard Hackman ayibiza ngokuba yi-"ambient stimuli" kwimeko-yintoni abantu abahlangabezana nayo (kwaye banokuphenjelelwa) ngenxa yokuba babelana ngendawo efanayo. Ukusuka kumaxesha emini ukuya kwimpembelelo yemozulu ukuya kwizandi zangaphandle ezichaphazela ngokungathandabuzekiyo imo yethu kunye nokuziphatha, abantu kubudlelwane obukude bavezwa kwiiseti ezahlukeneyo zezinto ezisingqongileyo. Ukongeza, amava abo anokubethelelwa kwiinkcubeko ezahlukileyo ezichaphazela umbono, izimo zengqondo, iinkolelo. Umahluko ocacileyo okanye izinto ezifihlakeleyo ezinokuchaphazela indlela ulwalamano olulawulwa ngayo. Njengoko uJohn Bargh ebonakalisile (ireferensi engezantsi), umntu kwimozulu efudumeleyo osela iti enomkhenkce unokuziphatha kakuhle ngakumbi komnye umntu ahlala kwindawo ebandayo, osela iti eshushu. Imixholo eyahlukeneyo ithetha ukuba abantu ababini banokungena kwiinethiwekhi ezahlukeneyo zobuhlobo. Omnye unokuba noxanduva lwabazali okanye umsebenzi okanye ulindelo losapho olungekhoyo komnye.
• Unxibelelwano oluphosakeleyo okanye olugqwethekileyo yeenjongo okanye zokuphendula. Sihluza into esiyibonayo, kwaye into esiyiqondayo sele igqwethiwe ngumxholo esiwufumanayo. Eyona mingcipheko mikhulu ukusuka kumgama omde ohambelana noluhlu olususela ekucingeni okukukhokelela kwindlela ephosakeleyo ekutolikeni ngendlela engeyiyo, eyona nto iphambili ekuqondeni iintsingiselo zokuthula. Ngaphandle konxibelelwano olomeleleyo ukubuza ukutolikwa okuyingxaki, iingqikelelo, ukuthembana kungasuswa. Sisenokukrokrela ukungcatshwa. Okubi nangakumbi, amathuba okwakha okanye ukugcina iziseko eziqinileyo kubudlelwane aphulukene, siphulukana nokwenza iinkumbulo ezintsha ekwabelwana ngazo, ukubhiyozela kunye, ukunika ukuqonda okufunekayo, ukubonelela ngononophelo oluphendulayo kunye nokhathalelo, kunye nokulungisa ukungaqondani okunokubakho ngexesha elifanelekileyo.

Amathuba. Kwangelo xesha, ubudlelwane obukude businika amathuba awodwa okuphucula unxibelelwano kunye nokomeleza ubudlelwane kwimizabalazo yethu yokuyigcina.

• Unxibelelwano. Ngokusebenzisa amagama ukuncedana ukutolika ulwimi lomzimba, sinokuchonga ngcono ukuqonda kwethu kunye nokuphendula ngokweemvakalelo kwaye sifundise omnye umntu ukuba awaqonde ngcono njengoko sisenza thina. Ngokusebenzisa amagama ngale ndlela, siye siwathembe amandla abo kwaye sinokuphucula ukusebenzisa kwabo ukucacisa ukungaqondani okanye ukusombulula ukungavisisani. Singazenza izivumelwano malunga nendlela abantu ababini abaza kujongana ngayo nempixano (Ingaba ukungahoyi omnye umntu kuvumelekile? Yintoni eniyifunayo komnye nomnye?). Iingxaki malunga nemfihlo, ukuziveza, kunye nokwabelana ngolwazi oluyimfihlo-okanye ukwala ukwabelana ngalo-kunokuphononongwa.
• Amandla omzabalazo. Imiceli mngeni ethile yakhelwe kubudlelwane obukude: ngaba unokwenza iindlela zokunceda omnye ajongane nobunzima, kubandakanya ukungabikho kabuhlungu? Ngaba unokwenza amasiko amatsha kwaye ubuyise izithethe, ugcine intsingiselo efanelekileyo? Ngaba ukuziqhelanisa nokulawula ukwahlukana kunye nokudibana kunokukunceda wakhe ubuchule bokuzithemba, ukuthembela kunye nokholo kwikamva? Ngaba umgama unokukunceda ukuba usebenzise amaxesha okubonakalisa ukucacisa okulindelweyo komnye nomnye kwaye ujonge umahluko ekuboneni, isimbo, iinjongo, amaphupha kunye neenkumbulo?

Ubudlelwane obufunekayo ekufundeni

Ikhonkco elinyanzelayo phakathi kothando kunye nobukrelekrele