Ukulahleka, Ukulangazelela, kunye noThando oluhlala luhleli

Bendimamele nje isiqingatha sengoma kunomathotholo, ukanti usizi olundlongondlongo lwam lundoyisile ngokusweleka kukatata. Ingoma yayinganxulumene notata okanye imeko yam, njengoko ndandonelisekile kwaye ndonwabile ngaphambi kwengoma. Intlungu injena. Ndikho emarikeni, ndikhetha iidiliya endizokuzibeka kwinqwelo yam kwaye ngokukhawuleza ndibuyiselwe ebuntwaneni bam, ndiyokuthenga notata. Akakhethi iidiliya kuphela, kodwa uyatya. "Awungekhe uyenze lonto, Tata. Yiyo leyo ebe." Namhlanje, ndiyancuma ngememori emnandi, egutyungelwe yilahleko kunye nokunqwenela, ndinqwenela ukumbona esitya iidiliya kwakhona.

Ndiyothenga, into esabelana ngayo nomama ngoxolo nangovuyo. Amaxesha amaninzi, ndifuna ukuthi, "Mama, ndathenga izihlangu ezikhulu" okanye "Kuya kufuneka uve ngento endiyifumene kule bhatyi." Ilahleko kunye nomnqweno zikhona ngaphakathi kwam kwaye ngequbuliso ndithathwa kuhambo olubuyela ebhedini kamama, apho wachitha ixesha elininzi, nokuba usempilweni okanye uyagula. Uluhlu oluthuthuzelayo lweemakhishithi, umatrasi onezipeki, kunye neengxowa zeetshipsi kunye neelekese, ezifakwe kumaphephandaba kunye nencwadi emnandi efundwayo. Ndingaba njani kwivenkile yesebe kwaye ngequbuliso ndiphele kwigumbi lokulala likamama? Inokwenzeka njani le nto emva kweminyaka eli-9 1/2 ngaphandle kwakhe? Olu luhlobo lwam lwentlungu kunye nelahleko.

Kwakhona, ndinoxolo, ndicofa ikomityi yekofu xa ndihamba kudederhu lweevenkile kwaye ngesiquphe ndibuyiselwa ekwabelaneni ngendawo nomama. "Ndizokuthengela ikofu. Nantsi imali. Ndizakuhlala phantsi ndikulinde." Ngaphandle, ndindedwa neAmericano yam kwaye akukho mntu undilindileyo.

Xa ndingena eStarbucks, ayisiyiyo kuphela ikofu endiyinqwenelayo kodwa iinkumbulo eziphindiweyo ebendinazo nomhlobo wam othandekayo, othandekayo uMarion, osweleke esemncinci kakhulu kwaye eshiye uninzi. Siza kudibana kwiStarbucks ekufuphi, siyibize ngokuba 'yiofisi yethu.' Ngamanye amaxesha yayiba yimizuzu engama-30 kuphela, kodwa yayilixesha elaneleyo lokuseka "itafile yethu" kwaye ngaphakathi kwisithuba, sasiwa kwilizwe lokuncokola leentombi ezindala: abayeni, ukuba ngumama, ukufumana ibhalansi, inkululeko. Sasinekhadi ekwabelwana ngalo ngeStarbucks, esetyenziselwa iikhofu zethu kuphela. Ndisenawo la makhadi, axabisekileyo ecaleni kwefoto yakhe eqingqiweyo. Intlungu indifikile ngelixa ndilinde ukubhatala, ndikhumbula ukuba omnye wethu angayisindisa njani itafile kwaye omnye uzolinda emgceni. Ndikhangela iitafile, ndimkhangela nasemva kweminyaka eli-15, njengoko oku kulangazelela ngamandla kudlala ngam; Ndihamba kancinci ndiphethe ikomityi yam yekofu, ndizama ukuthatha unxibelelwano lobomi esakha sanalo ngovuyo nangothando.

Kungenzeka njani ukuba ilahleko endiziva ngayo kumakhulu wam, uNana Bea wam, owandincedayo wandikhulisa kwaye wasweleka ngaphezulu kweminyaka engama-34 eyadlulayo, ingaba yinto entsha nelahleko yamva nje? Ndiva ilizwi lakhe ngaphakathi kwam, endikhumbuza ukuba ndibuyele ekhondweni xa ndityibilikileyo. Sabelana ngeentliziyo zethu kunye nobuntu bethu obufanayo, njengoko bendisoloko ndiziva ndisondele kuye kunomama. UNana wayendiqonda, nditsho nangexa lokufikisa kwam, ke xa ndiziva ndingaqondwa namhlanje, iingcinga zam kunye nomphefumlo wam zibuyela kukhuseleko lwentliziyo kamakhulu wam. Kwakungaze kufuneke ukuba andixelele ukuba uyaqonda, kuba ndandisazi ukuba wayesoloko endiqonda.

Andinazimvakalelo zelahleko kunye nokulangazelela eyam iminyaka edlulileyo ngesantya esingaka. Ndizisebenzise kakuhle. Ndiyabulela kubo kwaye andibafuni ukuba babuye. Andifuni ukuba nama-20, 30, 45, okanye kwa-50 kwakhona. Ndabenza konke okusemandleni am. Ndikubudala xa abanye abantu besifa zizizathu zendalo, nokuba kuthetha ntoni. Andizidubi ngokuzisola okanye ngamathuba aphosiweyo. Akukho lahleko apha. Usizi alubanjwanga kukulangazelela kwam ukubuya kweminyaka yam, kodwa kwabo bahamba nam.

Ndirhalela u-canine wam wokuqala u-canine Teddy, owandincedayo ukusuka ekubeni ngumama omncinci ukuya kumxube wamava onamava nokwazi. Ndiyazixabisa iinkumbulo zezilwanyana kunye nabantu endingasokuze ndibenabo ixesha lam lonke kodwa bahlala bengaphakathi. Mhlawumbi, emva koko, umsebenzi welahleko yam kukuvuselela konke endikuthandayo, isikhumbuzo sokuba Ndisafuna bonke abantu kunye namava aphakathi kwam kuhambo lwam olungaphambili. Bayingoma kude; umdiliya kude; ikomityi yekofu kude; Uthethathethwano olulungileyo, njengokulahleka kwam kunye nokubanqwenela bonke.

Ilahleko yam iyaqhubeka, apho ngamanye amaxesha ingene ngaphakathi kwaye ikhuselwe, ithambile, kodwa igqabi eliwayo, uphawu lokumisa, incwadi yam, iglasi yamanzi, inokukhulula isikroba sentlungu yam, ivule ucango lwayo. Ngale mizuzu, ndiziva ndinyanisekile, ndigqibelele, kwaye ngelixa ndonakele, ndiyazi ukuba ndinobulunga obunobulunga ekwabelaneni iminyaka yam kunye nabo ndibavalelayo kaninzi. Oku ilahleko kunye nokunqwenela kunye nothando lwam.