Ngaba Ufanele ube Ngumntu "Omkhulu"?

Nokuba kukwi-Intanethi okanye kubomi bokwenyani, kulula kunakuqala ukuba sizifumane ngesiquphe singena kwimiphefumlo yengxabano evuthayo. Ngokukodwa eyandiswe yimeko yezopolitiko neyenkcubeko eyahlukanisayo kule minyaka imbalwa idlulileyo kunye nenyaniso yokuba iinyani , ngokwabo, ngoku balungele ingxoxo-mpikiswano, esona senzo sokungavumelani — okanye masikhe sijongane naso, ukulwa — siye savela ngendlela emangalisayo ngoku.

Ke, umbuzo uhlala, yeyiphi indlela eyiyo yokusondela kwimpikiswano? Singaba njani "ngumntu omkhulu" kwimbambano, ngaphandle kokujongela phantsi amaxabiso ethu okanye ukurhoxa nje sivume ukungavumelani? Ngamanye amagama, ungakhe ube ulungile kwaye umntu omkhulu?

Ukuba ucinga impendulo ngu Hayi, sidlulile kwintetho yoluntu kwaye eyona nto ifanelekileyo ukuyenza kukuphepha iimpikiswano xa zizonke, ke ufana nam. Kodwa, ndathi ndakufikelela kwizazi ngengqondo kunye neengcali zempilo yengqondo ukuba zithathe, uyazi ntoni, abavumelani.

Isizathu sokuba silwe kwasekuqaleni kukuba siziva ngathi "sibambekile," utshilo uLa Keita D. Carter, isayikholojisti enelayisensi esekwe eMaryland.

"Xa uthatha isigqibo sokuba ungoyena mntu ubalulekileyo kuthetha ukuba," Andizimiselanga kubanjiswa nguwe ngale ndlela ixesha elide okanye ngokusisigxina. "

Iingxoxo zihlala ziphathwa njengomdlalo we-zero-sum. Elinye icala liyaphumelela, elinye liyaphulukana. Ukuba ngumntu omkhulu kufuna ukuba sijonge ngaphaya kolu lwakhiwo, nangona kunjalo. Eyona nto iphumeleleyo ijongeka njengokuyeka ngempumelelo ilifu elimnyama elihamba phezu kobudlelwane kwaye uligqithise.

Ngaba uya kulunge okanye wonwabe?

“Ungathanda ukuba unyanisile okanye wonwabe?” yindlela uChristian de la Huerta, umqeqeshi kunye nombhali othengisa kakhulu Ukuvusa Umphefumlo waMandla, Ukujongana nokusombulula iingxaki.

Naxa sele sichanile ngokusisiseko ngengxabano, uthi, "uyolo 'lokuphumelela' ludlula kwaye ekugqibeleni alufanelanga," kuba ubudlelwane "buphela kungquzulwano, ukungavisisani nokungathembani."

Yiyo loo nto ecebisa ngeengxwabangxwaba ezisezantsi, ezingenasiphumo sikhulu, "kungakuhle ukuba ungabi nakumaxhakaxhaka kwaye ungabuyeli kwimeko entle." Oko kukuthi, ukunikela ngokulula, "Mhlawumbi ulungile" kunokuba, ewe, yinto elungileyo ukuyenza.

Xa izikhonkwane ziphezulu, nangona kunjalo, ukuvumela omnye umntu ukuba enze indlela yabo akukwenzi umntu omkhulu.

Endaweni yoko, uluvo lukaBrian Wind, ugqirha wezengqondo kunye noprofesa okwiYunivesithi yaseVanderbilt, ucebisa, kukuba "ubambe kwaye ... uqwalasele iimfuno zomnye umntu ngelixa ujongana nomcimbi ngendlela eyakhayo."

Kubonakala njani oku xa uziqhelanisa?

Isitshixo kukucela omnye umntu imibuzo "ukukunceda uqonde umbono wabo ngcono, utshilo. Injongo apha ayikokuncama isikhundla sakho, kodwa bonisa ukuba "uyazixabisa izimvo zabo kwaye unika nezisombululo."

Ewe uyavuma ukuba kulula ukuyithetha le kunokuba kuyenziwa-ngakumbi xa elinye icala linoburharha, lingenzi nto, okanye linomnqweno omncinci wokusombulula imbambano.

Ngelixa “kulula kakhulu ukuncama nokuphelisa incoko, endaweni yokuzingisa ukufikelela kwisiphumo,” ukuba uzimisele ukubeka lo msebenzi, ukusombulula ungquzulwano olwakhayo kubangela iziphumo ezingcono, ubudlelwane obuthe chatha, kunye nokuzithemba okwandileyo Ukuzithemba.

Ukudlala umdlalo weTyala

Thina zichanekile. Bona akulunganga. Uninzi lwempikiswano lusibophelela kule myopic, binary, kunye nengqondo ephosakeleyo ngokwenyani. Kodwa ukuchonga ukuba ngubani oyena mntu uphosakeleyo akuyi kufana nokusikwa kunye nokoma, ngakumbi xa omabini amaqela enokwabelana ngesityholo.

Yiyo loo nto uLaura Louis, ugqirha wezengqondo onelayisensi esekwe eAtlanta kunye nonyango lobudlelwane, ecebisa ukuba ukuba ngumntu omkhulu kwingxabano kuthetha ukuloba kunye nokwamkela uxanduva kwinxalenye yethu kwimpixano.

Ukuvuma nje indima yethu, "Ndicela uxolo ngokukuvisa kabuhlungu, ndingenza ntoni ukuze uzive ungcono?" Unokwenza umahluko omkhulu komnye umntu, uyachaza. Kwangelo xesha, ukuba inye kuphela umntu osoloko ecela uxolo ngaphandle kokuphindisela, oku kunokuba yiflegi ebomvu. Ubudlelwane obuphilileyo, utshilo, bobunye "apho omabini amaqela anakho ukuyamkela eyabo indima kungquzulwano."

UMfu Sheri Heller, ugqirha wengqondo osebenzela eNew York, naye unoluvo olufanayo. Ukuze sibe ngumntu omkhulu, kufuneka sibonise "ukuzimisela ukufumana izinto ezifanayo kunye nokuphumeza isisombululo, nangona umntu ngamnye ehlukile," ushilo.

Indawo yokuqala, utshilo, kukumamela omnye umntu. Okanye ngokuchanekileyo, mamela ngenkuthalo-oko kuthetha ukuba unike ingqwalaselo epheleleyo kwinto ethethwa ngomnye umntu ngenjongo yokuqonda uluvo lwabo. Le asiyondlela esebenza ngayo incoko eqhelekileyo. Endaweni yokuphendula ngezigwebo ezikhawulezileyo okanye wabelane nolwakho uluvo, umsebenzi wakho kukusebenza nje njengebhodi enesandi. Ukumamela ngokukuko sisixhobo esiqhelekileyo esisetyenziselwa ukucebisa nokusombulula ungquzulwano.

Enye indlela acebisa ngayo kukubeka imida kwimiba ethile ethi "ivuselele ukungazinzi."

Sonke sinemida yethu kunye neendawo ezingaboniyo-kwaye ukumamela ngokunyanisekileyo kunokwenza kuphela okuninzi. Kule meko, indlela enobuchule yokuthintela ungquzulwano kukuphepha nje ukuwela izihloko ezikwindawo ephikisanayo.

Okukhulu akusoloko kulunge

Masithi ulugqibile lonke ukhetho lwakho. Ubonise ubabalo, ukuthobeka, kunye nengqondo evulekileyo. Ucele uxolo ngezenzo zakho. Kwaye okwangoku, elinye icala alisayi kuguquka okanye liyala ukubuyisela nayiphi na imizamo yakho yokholo yokuphelisa umlo ngoxolo. Wenza ntoni ke?

Ukuba uziva uphelile ngentambo, ke ukuba ngumntu omkhulu kunokuba sisisombululo esifanelekileyo kule meko. Ngamanye amaxesha xa behla, kubonakala ngathi akunakwenzeka ukuya phezulu. Kwezi meko, uShawnnell Batiste, ugqirha wezengqondo onelayisensi esekwe eTexas naseLouisana, uthi, sukuyinyanzela.

“Ukuba ngoyena mntu ubalulekileyo akuthethi ukuba ngowona mkhwa ulungileyo ... Asilulo lonke ulwalamano oluya kuhlangulwa. Mhlawumbi kufuneka kubekwe imida. ”

Nangona ilungile, asizuku (kwaye ngekhe) sihlala silungelelanisa iyantlukwano yethu. Ngokombono wakhe, uBatiste umisela ukusonjululwa kwempixano njengokuthi umntu ngamnye akwazi "ukuveza iingcinga kunye neemvakalelo zakhe ngendlela ehloniphekileyo neyanelisayo." Kwaye, nokuba omabini amacala akazimiselanga kulalanisa, iqela ngalinye lisa "hamba lisiva ukuba alivi, ukuba aliqondakali."