Ibali lokwamkelwa kunye nokuphazamiseka kokuNxibelelana kwakhona

Ugqirha T wayengenakonwaba ngakumbi ngenkqubela phambili kaJulia. Kwiinyanga ezili-18, umntwana wam wayeneminyaka engama-95 ^th ipesenti yepesenti yobunzima bayo. Wayethetha, ehamba, ithoni yezihlunu zakhe zazintle. Yonke imiqondiso elungileyo yomntwana eyamkelwe kwiinyanga ezili-14 ngaphambili kwikhaya leenkedama laseSiberia.

UGqirha T ugxile ekunyangeni abantwana abamkelwa kwilizwe liphela. Ngexesha lotyelelo lwam lwesithathu lwentombi yam, wacebisa umjikelo wesibini wogonyo kuba wayengazithembi ezo wazifumana eRashiya. Undibuze ukuba utya kanjani uJulia, ejonge ngaphezulu koobuntu bakhe ukuba afunde itshathi yakhe. Ndimxelele ukuba uku-organic, ukutya okupheleleyo, ukutya okungengokwenyama. Uthe, "ulungile," kwaye enolwazelelo ngamehlo akhe, wongeze, "Ubonakala emhle. Wenza umsebenzi omkhulu. Mbuyiseni kwiinyanga ezintandathu. ”

Uthe xa eqala ukutyibilika egumbini lokubhalela iimviwo ndathintitha, "Yima, ndinombuzo."

Uye wandijonga ngomonde.

"Ndazi njani ukuba uJulia akanangxaki, uyazi, ngokwengqondo nangokweemvakalelo?"

Uye wathula.

Ndamchazela ukuba intombi yam exabisekileyo blonde, umntwana oqaqambe ngokukhethekileyo, akandincamathelisi okanye andijonge emehlweni okanye anyamezele ukubanjwa. Akasifikeleli isandla sam okanye andivumele ndimfundele okanye ndidlale naye. Unobuntu bendoda, ndathi, ndizibuza ukuba lilizwi elilungileyo ukusebenzisa elo. Akaphumli xa evalelwe ebhedini okanye kwisitulo esihambahambayo. Akaze aphumle aze amange ngofefe. Uyalawula kwaye kunzima. Hayi ngamanye amaxesha. Lonke ixesha.

Ngaphandle kokuphosa isingqi wathi, "Ungachaza into ebizwa ngokuba yiReactive Attachment Disorder." I-RAD, njengoko ndiza kuthi kamva ndiyifumanise, sisifo esibonwa kubantwana abaninzi abamkelweyo, ngakumbi abavela eRashiya naseMpuma Yurophu. Iintsana zinengxaki yokuncamathisela kubazali bazo ngenxa yokuba zixhelekile okanye zingahoywanga, kwaye zijonga umzali owamkelekileyo njengomnye umgcini onokuthi abalahle okanye angabashiyi. Nangona bebancinci, ezantsi bakholelwa ukuba kuphela kwabo banokubathemba. Yimeko entsonkothileyo, engaqondwa ngokubanzi ngoogqirha babantwana abaninzi.

Ugqirha T uthe kusenokwenzeka ukuba kusekutsha kakhulu ukuxilonga. Umncinci kakhulu kaJulia. Emva koko wajonga phezulu kum, wabona uloyiko ebusweni bam, wongeza, “Ungakhathazeki. Unexesha. ”

Ukuthomalalisa uloyiko olubi, bendihlala ndizixelela “sinexesha, sinexesha. UJulia uzakudibana. ”

Sobabini nomyeni wam sasineminyaka engama-40 xa samkela uJulia. Ndiyintatheli. Uligqwetha elidla umhlala-phantsi. Akuzange nanini na ngexesha lenkqubo yokwamkelwa komntwana ngowama-2003 kubekho umntu othe wakhankanya ingxaki yokuQhoboshela esiThintelweyo kuthi. Ndaqala ukuyiva ikhankanywa xa sasiseSiberia. Esinye isibini esamkela umntwana wabo wesibini waseRussia kwangaxeshanye sasithatha uJulia waziva exhalabile xa bedibana nonyana wabo osana kuba usana aluzange lujongane namehlo kwaye wayengaphenduli. Bendingazi ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndinikele ingqalelo kwimpendulo yabo eyoyikisayo. Ndeva eli binzana kwakhona xa ndandithetha nomhlobo wosapho, ugqirha wezengqondo, kodwa wayethetha ngemivumbo ebanzi, ejonge ezantsi kumntwana wam omncinci othandekayo, wathi, "Ungakhathazeki. Ubonakala elungile. ”

Kwanasemva kokuba uGqirha T ekhankanyile ngesi sifo, ndandingekakulungeli ukuyamkela le ngcaciso, nangona yayiya kuchaza isizathu sokuba ndizive ndingafanelekanga njengomama. Kungathatha eminye iminyaka emibini, xa uJulia wayeneminyaka emine kwaye efumana ulwimi, kumyeni wam uRicky kunye nam ukuyenza umsebenzi wobomi bethu ukuqonda i-Reactive Attachment Disorder, kunye nokwenza into ekufuneka siyenzile ukuhlangula intombi yethu kwi kwindawo ekwanti wayevaleleke kuyo.

Ngokukodwa, kuthathe usuku olubi kwikonsathi yesikolo sabantwana abancinci ukuthatha inyathelo lokuqala elifunekayo ukuguqula ubomi bethu, ngokwenene "Ukuhlangula uJulia Kabini," njengoko incwadi yam ibizwa njalo. Ngexesha lokwehla komtshato ndaye ndalila ndaza ndalila ngenxa yokuba ndandiqonda indlela endandililolo ngayo, neyokufuduka neyayindodwa intombi yam. UJulia akazange akwazi ukucula kunye neqela. Ukuziphatha kwakhe okuphazamisayo kwanyanzela utitshala ukuba amsuse eqongeni aphume kwigumbi. Oku akunakuvakala njengesona siganeko singaqhelekanga kumntwana omncinci-kodwa ndibeke kwimeko, ndaqonda kwangoko nangoko, ndifuna ukungenelela.

Mna nomyeni wam sidibene ndawonye ukuze sifunde yonke into ezincwadini, kwizifundo zobugqirha nakwi-intanethi esinokukwenza kwisifo. Ikhadi lethu leBhingo laligcwele. UJulia wayengumntwana wepowusta kwi-RAD. Senze umzamo omkhulu kunye nokuzibophelela ekuncedeni intombi yethu kwaye sizenze saba lusapho. Yayingumsebenzi wethu wemihla ngemihla. Sifunde ukuba ukukhulisa umntwana onengxaki yokudibana kufuna ukuba nethuku lokuba ngumzali ngokuchaseneyo-ezinye ziphazamisa kwaye zothusa usapho kunye nabahlobo. Abantu babengenakuqonda ukuba siza kuphendula ntoni xa uJulia ephikisana nobuso be-poker ngaphandle kokumonwabisa. Sasiyihleka ngexesha lokuvutha kwakhe ade abalahle, kwaye aqhubeke ngokungathi ngekhe kwenzeke ngenxa yokuba abantwana be-RAD banomlutha kwisiphithiphithi kwaye kubalulekile ukususa umdlalo. Abazange baqonde ukuba uJulia akazimisele ukunika ii-hugs kwaye khange simcele ukuba enze njalo. Ngoncedo lophando kunye nemeko yophando, sasinebhokisi yezixhobo. Ezinye iingcebiso zazingabalulekanga, ezinye zahluleka. Ezinye iindlela zasebenza okwethutyana. Sasihlala ngaphakathi elebhu. Ndiyayazi indlela endandibe nethamsanqa ngayo lokuba neqabane elinjengoRicky kuba imitshato emininzi kunye namakhaya achithakele ngumceli mngeni wokwamkela abantwana abanzima.

Ixesha elingaphezulu, bekukho ukubandakanyeka okungakumbi noJulia. Kwakunganyanzelekanga ukuba ibe nothando kwaye ifudumele ekuqaleni kodwa yayihamba kwicala elifanelekileyo. Besimzoba. Uye wakwazi ukubonisa umsindo kunokuba angakhathali. Njengokuba ubuchule bakhe bokuthetha bukhula, saba nethuba lokuba sikwazi ukumcacisela ukuba siyamthanda kwaye asinakuze simshiye. Oko saqonda ukuba kwakusoyikisa kangakanani ukuthandwa ngumntu omdala kwaye wayekhuselekile. Simfundise indlela yokuziva ekhululekile xa simjonga emehlweni, samqeqesha ukuba enze njalo. Ukuqonda indlela akhathazeke ngayo kwavula intliziyo yam kwaye kwandenza ndanovelwano ngakumbi, kwaye ndakhuthazeka ngakumbi ukuba ndibengumama wakhe.

Inkqubela phambili ithathe ixesha-kwaye umsebenzi wokuhlala udityanisiwe nomntwana owenzakeleyo ngumzamo wobomi bonke. UJulia waphuma kummandla oyingozi xa wayeneminyaka emihlanu okanye emithandathu. Watsho evuthulula umnqwazi wakhe wokulwa nezixhobo. Uye wandiyeka ndangumama wakhe. Ndiyayihlonipha loo ntembelo ngokukhumbula, yonke imihla, indlela alwa ngayo needemon ezingaziwayo kunye nendlela elinamandla ngayo idabi lakhe kwaye eliya kuhlala linjalo.

Kwiminyaka eyi-11 ubudala, uyamangalisa kum. Ayisiyongqondo yakhe yoburharha kuphela emenza ukuba akwazi ukuzoba iikhathuni ezintsonkothileyo okanye indlela adlala ngayo ivayolin okanye eqhuba kakuhle esikolweni. Eyona nto ayifezekisileyo kukuvumela uthando lungene ngaphakathi.

Ilungelo lokushicilela Tina Traster