Isibuko sokuya exesheni

Ekuqaleni kwenkulungwane yamashumi amabini, i-avareji yobudala bokufa kwabafazi yayineminyaka engama-47, uphuculo olukhulu ukusuka ngo-1841 xa intombazana esandul 'ukuzalwa yayingalindelwanga ukuba ibone usuku lwayo lokuzalwa lwama-43. Kwakungaziwa kancinci malunga nokuyeka ukuya exesheni, ekwakukholelwa ukuba kuhambelana nokufa. Kodwa ngu-2021 kwaye umhlaba yindawo eyahlukileyo. Phantse. Okothusayo namhlanje, xa uninzi lwabasetyhini luphila kwiminyaka yabo yamashumi asibhozo, 'ukunqamuka kokuya exesheni' kusengaphakamisa ukungcangcazela kwaye kushiye abanye abantu ababuthathaka baziva ngathi abafikeleleki.

Kukho ukungabikho kolwazi kunye nokuqonda malunga nokuyeka ukuya exesheni, okuhlala kungumba kubudlelwane nabantu besini esahlukileyo. Ngokungaqhelekanga, ndinezigulana ezingamadoda ezingakumbi ¹ ngaphezu kwabasetyhini ekusebenzeni kwam. Andiva nje kuphela ngemiceli mngeni yokuphuma exesheni kwabasetyhini kodwa kunye nokudideka kunye noxinzelelo oluxhokonxwa ngamaqabane abo. Uninzi lwazo ludinga ukuqinisekiswa ukuba iimpawu ezichaziweyo zokuphulukana ne-libido, ukungalali, kunye noxinzelelo oluphakathi ukuya kolulinganiselweyo ziziphumo zexeshana zotshintsho lwehomoni. Umntu omnye, kungenjalo umntu wehlabathi ngokwentelekiso, wabonakala edidekile xa ndicebisa ukuba ukuya exesheni kunokuba noxanduva lokutshintsha okuphazamisayo kwiimvakalelo zomfazi wakhe. Uhlazile wabuza ukuba lithetha ukuthini eli gama. Ndimthumele ekhaya eneentakumba zothando kwindlebe yakhe kunye nomsebenzi wesikolo kuGoogle.

Kukwabaluleke ngokulinganayo ukuba, ngonyango okanye ngophando, abantu basetyhini banolwazi ngakumbi kwaye baqonde ukuba ubuninzi be-HRT, iihomoni ezibiza imali eninzi okanye ikhosi ye-anti-depressants inika uncedo ngexesha lotshintsho lwehomoni, eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukwamkela le archway ingaziwa ngolwazi , ukwazi, nokuzithemba. Isikhuthazo esimangalisayo sokuzithemba kukuzama ukuseta iqela labasetyhini lokuyeka ukuya exesheni. Kwimeko yam, sidibene ixesha elide kwafuneka sizinike igama elitsha njengeqela elitshintsha inyonga. Kwakukhululekile ukuba sonke sabelana ngoloyiko olufanayo kunye neentloni ezincinci zomzimba.

Umxholo, kuyo nayiphi na ingxoxo yonyango, ibalulekile kwaye amava ababhinqileyo wokuyeka ukuya exesheni aya kwahluka njengezigaba zenyanga. Xa kuziwa kumjikelo wehomoni, nokuba uthetha nge-blues yenyanga, uxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka, okanye ukuya exesheni, umbuzo uhlala ufana: Lithini inqanaba leempawu: ucelomngeni kodwa uqhelekile okanye ungakhubazisi ukuba ungenelelo lonyango olungaphaya konyango iyafuneka?

Kwimeko yam, ngelixa bendixinezelekile emva kokubeleka, ndiye ndakwazi ukuthetha ngokuyeka ukuya exesheni ngaphandle kwengozi. Eyona nto ndandiyixhalabile yayingazi ukuba izophela nini kwaye ndinqwenela ukuba ndiyakufumana ileta evela, 'Phezulu' indazisa ngalo mhla. Ndiyakhumbula, emva kokungayi exesheni iinyanga ezininzi, idipozithi yamathambo egazi afana neerubhi, endikhethileyo ukuwafuzisela njengokuya ebomini.

Ngelixa ukuya exesheni kwinqanaba eliqhelekileyo lomzimba, ikwalixesha lokuba sesichengeni kokubini ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo. Ndicebisa ukuba 'izigulana' ziziphendulele kwizindlu ezikhanyayo ezivavanya imizimba yazo ukuze zibenamaqhuma kunye namaqhuma njengeempawu ze-menopausal ngamanye amaxesha ezifihlakeleyo zezifo ezenzeka ngaxeshanye.

Kwimeko yam, andikhange ndibethwe kukubila kunye nokuqaqamba, kodwa umzimba wam utshintshe ubushushu ngonaphakade. Andinakungena kwivenkile yokutyela ngaphandle kokucinga malunga nokuba ndiza kuba shushu kakhulu. Iqondo lobushushu kwigumbi lokulala liguqukele kwimpikiswano yeGoldilocks malunga nokungaze ilunge ngokufanelekileyo. Nokuba iqondo lobushushu liyasilela ukusombulula iingxaki zokungalali, okulufaka ngaphezulu kuluhlu, kubonakala ngathi kungumba wabasetyhini kubo bonke ubomi. Ngokuphathelene nesifo esingaqhelekanga kodwa esinzulu esichaphazeleka ngenxa yokuyeka ukuya exesheni, ndiyakhunjuzwa ngoThomas Mann's The Black Swan, ixhegwazana elithandekayo nelidimazekileyo kwezomtshato likholelwa ukuba linamava okungaqhelekanga emzimbeni walo, kodwa inyani ebuhlungu kukuba unomhlaza we-Ovarian.

Kuze kube ngoku, ukujonga kwam kwisibuko se-menopausal bekungokwasemzimbeni, kodwa umntu ongabonakaliyo udlala njengekhulu, ukuba ayisiyo nxalenye inkulu, ngeendlela umfazi ahambelana nalo msebenzi ubalulekileyo. Ndiyasithanda isikweko sentsimbi enxitywe kwimidiliya yokuzala ngokweemvakalelo nangokwasengqondweni ekufuneka 'wonke umntu wasetyhini' adlule kuyo ade abhiyozele. Nangona kunjalo, kukho imiqobo engenakuphepheka ekufuneka ujongane nayo.

Impendulo yomfazi ekuyekeni ukuya exesheni iya kuthethelelwa nokuba unabo na abantwana. Apho ukungachumi, endaweni yokukhetha, kudlale indima kuhambo lokuyeka ukuya exesheni kunokwahluka kulowo wokuba ngumama. Iimvakalelo zikamama zinokulamla yile nto ndibhekisa kuyo njenge 'Sleeping Beauty syndrome'. Ngokuzalwa komntwana osempilweni, akunakuphepheka ukuba abazali abonwabileyo banombono oqinisekileyo wekamva 'eligqibeleleyo' kwaye balibale, kwingozi yabo, ukugqibelela kuyinkohliso. Ixesha elinikiweyo, bonke ubomi baba sesichengeni sokuphoxeka kweenjongo kunye namabhongo ngokufika kwe'Fairy Fairy '. Ngexesha lokufika komfazi ukuya exesheni, sele ejongene nesifo se-nest esingenanto xa omnye umzuzu onzima wokuqwalaselwa usenokufika. Amaphupha akhe osapho olugqibeleleyo anemivumbo yobomi enokubandakanya uqhawulo-mtshato, ukugula, iimfuno ezizodwa, iziyobisi, kunye nokucinga ukuba abantwana abathandekayo bangakhula babe ngabantu abadala abadanisayo. Sinokulangazelela ukuba iintsana zikhule zibe ngabahlobo bethu abasenyongweni, kodwa iintsapho-okoko ezo ntlekele zamaGrike-zikwangumxube weetyhefu zomoya kunye nokugxekwa.

Ukuyeka ukuya exesheni kungangqinelana neli xesha libuhlungu lokuphoxeka okukhoyo kongezwe uloyiko olungenakuphepheka lokunganqweneleki kancinci kunye nokudana ukuba usapho alujikelanga ekubeni yintsomi, kodwa i-'Fairy Fairy 'iqhubekile. Yinto enye abantwana abaphuma kwindlwane kwaye baqalisa ukuzimela kodwa ikwakhona imizekelo xa abantu abadala behluleka ukusungula ngobuchule babe ngabantu abadala. Emva koko, umama wokuyeka ukuya exesheni uziva enetyala kwaye edanile ngenxa yeemvakalelo ezinxulumene nehormoni zokungaphumeleli kunye nokuzinciphisa.

Owu! Uyilo lwelo nyango lokunyanga lokuzithemba. Nokuba isipili asisazibonakalisi njengeyona intle kunazo zonke, singayisebenzisa inkululeko kwimisebenzi yoomama ukuya kumama ukuba asizikhathazi ngokuzithanda. Uthando, hayi i-narcissism, ukuba ligama elifanelekileyo. Ukuyeka ukuya exesheni lutshintsho xa kufuneka sondle uthando lwethu lokuphila kunye nothando. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ibe kunye nomntu, kodwa kufuneka ibe yinto yenoveli ukuza kuthi ga ngoku asikabinalo ixesha lokukhulisa. Kwimeko yam, ndiyekile ukuba 'ngumfundi' kwaye ndaba 'ngumbhali'. Ndilithandile ngokwenyani eli gama.

Ndinomdla wokufumana, ngaphezulu kwesihlandlo esinye, abaguli babelane ngolangazelelo lwexesha elide kunye nemfihlo yokuncitshiswa kwamabele kunye nokuthatha ubume obungaphezulu. Abanye bakhethe ukusebenzisa imali abayigcinileyo ukuze bafumane amazinyo kwaye baqala ukonwabela ukuncuma. Ayisiyongxaki ukuba yeyiphi na inde ukuba yeyakho kuphela. Okukhona kubhukuqwa ngakumbi. Ndenza isithembiso kum xa ndiza kuma-60 ukuba andizukuvumela uloyiko lokwaliwa ukuba lundithintele ekuqhekezeni indibano kwaye ndicele into, yonke into, nantoni na enesidima, ndiza kuyeka u-'hayi '.

Ukuyeka ukuya exesheni kusinika umngeni wokuba sijonge kwiimbono zethu malunga nokwaluphala kunye nokungamampunge kwethu. Ngokwembali yayilixesha laxa abasetyhini belahlekile kwigumbi lokuzoba. Namhlanje, isenokuba ngumzuzu xa umfazi ethatha isigqibo sokuyeka iinwele zakhe zibe ngwevu okanye uhlahlo-lwabiwo mali lokuqaqambisa ngakumbi. Ukuyeka ukuya exesheni lixesha lokuxabisa umzimba kwaye uthathe usuku.