Kukho kodwa ngenxa yoBabalo lweMeds

Ndandihleli emgceni ekhemesti ndiyothatha amayeza. Bendingonwabanga. Eli lelinye lamayeza am abiza kakhulu, kwaye andikhange ndijonge phambili ekufumaneni ngaphezulu kwekhulu leedola ezazifuneka ngokungxamisekileyo kwenye indawo. Njengoko ndandilindile, ndazibuza: Kutheni ndithatha eli chiza, phofu? I-antipsychotic atypical, kwaye andikaze ndibenengqondo. Mhlawumbi kulapho i-atypical ingena khona. Ngubani owaziyo? Ngokuqinisekileyo ayindim, kwaye mhlawumbi nokuba ngugqirha wam, kuyo yonke i-CV yakhe enamaphepha angamashumi amabini. Akukho mntu uyaziqonda kakuhle iindlela zala machiza e-psychotropic kuba akukho mntu waziyo ukuba yintoni ebangela ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo okokuqala. Yinto crapshoot, igqwirha ekuzingeleni, irub igeza ngenxa isibane genie.

Kodwa ndilinde emgceni kunjalo, kwaye ndalikhupha ikhadi lam letyala kuba yile nto uyenzayo xa uthobela amayeza: uyayithobela.

Kuvulwe ucango lwangaphandle, okanye ucango luvulwe ngumfazi oneminyaka ephakathi. Ngelizwi elikhulu ngokwaneleyo ukufikelela kwikona yonke yekhemesti, wakhwaza, "Andizuku f * king *!" Oku kwalandelwa ngumtya weziqalekiso, ezazingangcolisi kakhulu kwaye andizukuzama ukuzenza kwakhona apha. Ndamjonga ngokukhawuleza ndabuya umva, njengabanye abantu ababini ababehamba nam.

Impahla yakhe yayihlanjululwe, ubuso bakhe butyhafile, kwaye wayenuka ngamandla umbilo nomchamo. Khange andijonge okanye ajonge mntu. Uqhubeke nokuqalekisa ngelizwi elinobukrakra kunye nelomzimba elibuhlungu elilimaza iindlebe zam. Ndifuna ukuhamba, kodwa wayevimba ukuphuma.

Ndibizele ugqirha wam! ” wakhwaza. "Yenze! Mfowunele! Andizuku f * * * kumkani! ”

Ndaziva ndinesiyezi, hayi ngenxa yevumba okanye uloyiko lwam, kodwa ngenxa yokuba ngequbuliso ndatshona nzulu kwi-déjà vu. Kwakunokwenzeka kwiminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu eyadlulayo, kwaye ndandihamba ecaleni kwevenkile enkulu eMalibu. Ewe, "ukuhamba" kusenokungabi lilizwi elifanelekileyo. Bendikhubekile. Uluhlu. Unqwenela ukunyathela kumgca othe ngqo, kwaye usilele. Bendinganxilanga, kodwa ndithatha ichiza elitsha elibizwa ngokuba yi-monoamine oxidase inhibitor, okanye i-MAOI ngokufutshane. Yayilichiza lokugqibela kuxinzelelo olunganyangekiyo kunyango, kwaye ukuba bendingazimiselanga kangako, ngekhe ndiyithathe.

Iziphumo ebezingalunganga zazimdimaza ngokwenene: Ukuba utye ipitsa okanye isosi yesosi okanye nakuphi na ukutya okuqulathe into ebizwa ngokuba yi-tyramine, ungabethwa yistroke. Kuyafana ukuba uthathe kunye nezinye izinto ezichasayo okanye amayeza okunyanga. Okanye utywala. Imijikelezo encinci yemicimbi enjalo. Kodwa eyona nto yayindixhalabisa yayikukungazichazi nokugula okunamandla kwesiyezi endandiqhubeka nokufumana. Ndandilungile ngokude ndihleli phantsi, kodwa kanye xa ndandime okanye ndihamba andizange ndazi ukuba ndiza kuzifumana ndifa isiqaqa ezandleni zomntu wasemzini. Kwakungekho nto yothando ngezi swoon. Rhoqo, ndiye ndawa ndayibetha entloko okanye ndenzakele kakubi kumzimba wam omnyama noblowu.

Ngala mvakwemini ndandiziva ngathi ndi-woozy njengesiqhelo — kangangokuba ndandizokukhwela iteksi ndisiya ezivenkileni, into eyayiza kubiza imali eninzi, kodwa ndandingafuni ukuzibeka esichengeni sokuqhuba, kwaye le yayiyindlela engxamisekileyo: Ndizingele ijean efanelekileyo yomhla ozayo kwaye ivenkile ibindibambele kude kube lixesha lokuvala. (Njengoko uninzi lwabasetyhini luya kungqina, siza kuya nakweyiphi na ubude beeblues ezifanelekileyo.) Bekuziva ngathi ngumgama ongenakuphikiswa ukusuka kwindawo yokupaka ukuya kwi-boutique, kwaye kuye kwafuneka ndihlale phantsi amaxesha ambalwa ukufumana ibhalansi yam.

Ukuvuka kwam okwesithathu, ndazi ukuba yimpazamo. Ndathabatha amanyathelo ambalwa, ndaza ubumhlophe obumfamekisayo bandigubungela. Ndeva isandi esikhulu ngokungathi nditshiswa ziinyosi ngequbuliso, kodwa ndathi ndingawawanga ngamadolo ndaza ndawa phantsi. Iintlungu ezibukhali ezibetha isidlele sam-iinyosi? Emva koko, andikhumbuli kwanto de ndaye ndangcangcazeliswa yindoda engaqhelekanga enxibe iyunifomu eqhelekileyo: ipolisa. Ayilo polisa lasevenkileni, nokuba yeyiphi-ipolice-toting eyi-fide, ejonge ngasemva.

"Ungubanu igama lakho?" Ubuze. Ndanikina intloko yam ngaphandle kwenkungu yayo ndamxelela.

Makhe ndibone isazisi. ” Izandla zam zazingcangcazela — amapolisa ayandenza ndanovalo — kodwa ndakhangela kwisipaji sam ndaza ndanika iphepha-mvume lokuqhuba.

"Kodwa khange ndiqhube apha," nditshilo. “Ndithathe iteksi, kuba—”

"Nksk. Cheney, ubusele namhlanje? ”

Ndanikina intloko ngamandla hayi.

“Kuba ubonakala unxilile kum.”

Andinxilanga, ndinesiyezi nje kwaphela. ” Ndiphakame ndazilimaza, ndaphinda ndanesiyezi. Ndabamba ingalo yepolisa ukuxhasa.

"Akukho nto ingekhoyo apha," utshilo. “Ndikusa esikhululweni.”

“Hayi, jonga, yile yeza litsha ndilapha kulo. Ndiyaphila logama nje ndihleli phantsi, kodwa— “

"Isixeko sinemithetho engqongqo ngokuchasene nokunxila koluntu," utshilo.

“Kodwa andinxilanga,” ndanyanzelisa. “Amayeza asemthethweni ngokugqibeleleyo. Apha ungafowunela ugqirha wam akuxelele. ” Ndikhuphe ikhadi lam lengqondo kwisipaji sam. Ndayiphatha kuyo yonke indawo, nokuba kwenzeka ntoni kuba ndandiziva ingathi ububungqina bam kwaye ndandingazi ukuba ndingayifuna nini.

“Hayi, kungcono ndinamkele,” watsho. Kukhuseleko lwakho nakuluntu ngokubanzi.

Iyenzile loo nto. Wayecinga ukuba ndiza kwenza ntoni, ndiqhubeke nokubamba ngokungakhathali? Ndalifaka ikhadi lakhe ndaliva ilizwi lam lisitsho kamnandi, kodwa andizange ndikwazi ukuzibamba. Andizukuya ejele! ” Ndithe. Ndibizele ugqirha wam! ”

Ndandinomsindo, ndaqala ukulila. Ipolisa kufuneka ukuba lelinye lolo luhlobo lwamadoda angenakunyamezela ukubona iinyembezi zowesifazane kuba wayephethe ugqirha wam, owathi wambiza kwangoko waqinisekisa ukuba bendifumana nje iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga zamayeza amiselweyo. Ndicinga ukuba wamqinisekisa ukuba andiyonzakalisi mna okanye abanye, kuba ipolisa lindivumele ukuba ndiye.

“Uyazi,” utshilo njengefilimu yokuzahlula, “ngenxa yokuba kusemthethweni ayikulungeli oko. Usenganxila nangona umiselwe. ”

Amagama alumkileyo esazela esikhulu, kodwa bendilangazelela kakhulu ukuba ndimsuse ukuze ndivume ukubaluleka kwabo. Into endiyifunayo yayikukususa isihogo apho, ngaphaya kokufikelela kwigunya elikhohlakeleyo. Ndandididekile kangangokuba andizange ndifumane ijean yam entle. Ndihleli nje elunxwemeni ndilinde ikhumbi ukuba indihlangule engozini.

Kwiminyaka elishumi elinesihlanu kamva, xa umfazi ongenakhaya kwikhemesti yam esiya esiba mandundu ngakumbi, ubomi bam bangaphambili babungxola ngokungxola. Ndibizele ugqirha wam! ” yayingeso sikhalo osivayo kuye wonke umntu esitratweni. Ngokucacileyo singoodade abaphantsi kwesikhumba, abohlulwe kuphela kukungacacisiseki kwekamva. Ndiphiwe izibonelelo awayenqatshelwe ngokucacileyo. Isigulo endinaso siye sasabela kunyango — ebengasoloko egudileyo, kodwa ekugqibeleni siphumelele. Mhlawumbi ndandinesazela awayengenaso esandigcina ndithobela, kodwa ngubani oza kuthi liphi ibali lakhe?

Umntu othile wayebize amapolisa kuba kwafika amapolisa amabini ezomthatha. Iinyembezi zakhe zazingenampembelelo kubo; babengekho nabathantamisayo njengoko babemkhupha. Usokhemisi wanikina intloko xa endinika iipilisi zam. "Simbona kakhulu," utshilo. Ungacinga ukuba umntu othile angalufumana kuye uncedo. ” Ndijonge ibhotile yam ye-atypical antipsychotic, kwaye ndajonga imoto yamapolisa isuka nje ecaleni. Kwaye, andikhawulezanga ndigcine usuku. Khange ndizame ukulungisa ikamva. Kodwa ndavala amehlo am ndaza ndamthandazela; ndiye ndasikelela enye nenye yeepilisi ezincinci ezipinki endiziphethe ngesandla. Akukho nto ingako ndiyayiqondayo malunga neli shishini lokugula ngengqondo. Kodwa ndiyayazi inceba xa ndiyibona.