Kutheni Ukwahlukana Kubetha Abanye Abantu Kunzima Kunabanye

Umxholo

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Ukwahlukana akukho lula nakubani na, kodwa ngaba ukhe waqaphela ukuba abanye abantu babonakala bejamelana nazo ngcono kunabanye? Ngelixa abanye bebethanda kwaye belahlekile bengakwazi ukuphuma ebhedini, abanye babonakala ngathi babuya ngokukhawuleza. Ewe ulwalamano ngalunye lukhethekile, kwaye xa luphela, sinokulindela ukuba iimvakalelo zethu zibonise iimeko ezithile. Nangona kunjalo, abantu abathile banotyekelo lwemvelo lokufumana ubunzima ekuphulukaneni nothando kunabanye, kwaye uphando lubonisa ukuba oku kunokuba nento yokwenza nesitayile sethu sokuncamathisela.

Uhlobo lwethu lokuncamathisela lwenziwa kwasekuqaleni kubomi bethu, phakathi kwethu kunye nabanakekeli bethu abanempembelelo. Ezi patheni zokuncamathisela ziba yimodeli yokusebenza yangaphakathi echaphazela indlela esidibana ngayo njengabantu abadala kubudlelwane bethu bothando. Ngokuxhomekeke kugqirha Daniel Siegel, umbhali-mbhali Umzali ovela ngaphakathi ngaphakathi . Ukuncamathiselwa okungakhuselekanga kunokukhokelela umntwana kwenye yezindlela ezintathu zokuncamathisela: ukuphepha, ukuxhalaba. okanye ukungalungelelani . Ukuqonda ukuba isitayile sokuncamathisela umntu sinokuyiphembelela njani impendulo yokwahlukana, kuyanceda ukwazi kancinci malunga nodidi ngalunye:

• Ukuncamathela Ukuncamathiselwa okuphephekileyo kunokubakho xa umzali engafumaneki ngokweemvakalelo. Abantwana abakwimeko enjalo bahlala befunda ukuba eyona ndlela yokufumana iimfuno zabo ezisisiseko kukukwenza ngokungathi abanakho. Njengabantu abadala, banokwenza ifomathi ye- ukugxotha Ukuthintela ukunamathela kwiqabane olithandanayo, apho banotyekelo lokuziphatha ngokungafaniyo okanye ukumelana nokusondela.
  
• Ukuncamathela Umntwana owenza isitayile esingaqondakaliyo okanye esinexhala sokuncamathisela uhlala enomzali onjalo ngamaxesha athile iyafumaneka kwaye iyakhulisa kodwa ngamanye amaxesha ingabinamdla okanye iphazamise. Aba bantwana bafunda ukuba ukuba babambelela okanye bahlala begxile kumzali, ekugqibeleni bafumana iimfuno zabo. Njengabantu abadala, abantu abanale pateni banokwenza uxinzelelo lokuzixakekisa, apho baziva bedinga okanye banqwenela nomntu abathandana naye.
  
• Uncamathiselo olungalungelelaniswanga: Iifom zokuncamathisela ezingalungelelaniswanga xa abantwana boyikiswa okanye benzakaliswa ngulo mntu babuyela kuye ukuze bakhuseleke, ihlala ingumzali. Olu hlobo lokuncamathisela luxhaphakile phakathi kwabantwana abanomzali onengxaki yokusombulula engakhange isombululeke ebuntwaneni bakhe, ebangela ukuba enze into ephazamisayo kwaye othuse nomntwana ngamaxesha oxinzelelo. Abantwana abakhulele kule meko abanakho ukuphuhlisa indlela elungelelanisiweyo yokufumana iimfuno zabo ezisisiseko, kuba umzali wabo akalindelekanga. Njengabantu abadala, banokuba nayo uloyiko lokuthintela ukuthintela, ebashiya bebanjiwe; xa iqabane lisuka, lisoyika kwaye lisebenze ngokubambelela, kodwa xa iqabane lalo liza kubo, banokuba noxinzelelo kwaye baphinde babuye.

Uhlobo lokuncamathisela ebesinalo njengomntwana lwenza umohluko kwindlela esivakalelwa ngayo kubudlelwane bethu babantu abadala. (Jonga "Indlela yokuncamathisela kwindlela yakho yokuchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho" Kulula ukubona ukuba iipateni zethu zokuncamathisela zinokuba nefuthe njani kwiimvakalelo zethu nakwindlela yokuziphatha kubudlelwane, kodwa ikwachaphazela indlela esivakalelwa ngayo xa ubudlelwane buphela.

Isifundo seYunivesithi yePace sixele:

"[Mna] ndibona izinto ezilinganisileyo zokungakhathalelwa kunye nesitayile sokuncamathela kuye ndafumana ezona ziphumo zibi kuqhawulo-mtshato kunye nokwaliwa."

Oku akumangalisi. Umntu owenza uxinzelelo oluxakekileyo unokuziva engakhuselekanga okanye esoyika kakhulu ukwaliwa. Ngengqondo ethile, banokuncamathisela ubunikazi babo kwiqabane labo. Abayenzi ngabom le nto, kodwa ngethuku lemvelo, kuba ingavakala ngathi yinto yokuphila. Njengomntwana, kwafuneka babambelele kumzali wabo ukuze bahlangabezane neemfuno zabo, ngelo xesha, ibingumbandela wokusinda. Njengabantu abadala, banokuziva ngathi ulwalamano lwabo lubanika ingqiqo yabo, kwaye ke ukwahlukana kuya kuthetha ukulahleka ngokwabo kwaye hayi iqabane labo kuphela.

Impendulo yethu ngokweemvakalelo ekuqhekekeni inokuba nokuninzi okunxulumene nesitayile sethu sokuncamathisela kunye nobukrelekrele bemvakalelo, kodwa iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ayizinzanga Singahlakulela ukunamathela okukhuselekileyo kwaye sonyuse inqanaba lethu lobukrelekrele bemvakalelo nangaliphi na ubudala. Enye indlela ebalulekileyo yokwenza oku kukuqonda ibali lethu.

Enye indlela eqinisekisiweyo yokutshintsha isitayile sokuncamathisela kukwenza into yokuncamathisela kunye nomntu owayenesimbo esincomekayo sokuncamathisela kunokuba sinamava. Singathetha nonyango, njengoko ubudlelwane bonyango bunokunceda ukwenza uncamathiselo olukhuselekileyo. Singaqhubeka nokuzazi ngokwethu ngokuqonda amava ethu adlulileyo, sizivumele ukuba senze ingqiqo-kwaye sive iintlungu ezipheleleyo-zamabali ethu, emva koko siqhubele phambili njengabantu abadala abahlukeneyo, abahlukeneyo. Ngokwenza oku, sihamba kwihlabathi liphela sinemvakalelo yangaphakathi yokhuseleko esinceda ukuba simelane ngcono neentlungu zendalo ezinokuza nobomi.

Njengabantu abadala, asinazo iimfuno ezifanayo ebesinazo njengomntwana, ke xa iimvakalelo ezinje ngomona omkhulu, ukungazithembi, ukungazithembi kunye noxinzelelo ziqala ukungena, kubalulekile ukucinga ukuba zivela phi ezi mvakalelo. Xa siziva sivuselelekile kubudlelwane, ukwazi isimbo sethu sokuncamathisela kunokusinceda ukuba siqale ukwahlula okudlulileyo kunangoku. Xa umsitho obangela ukwaphuka kwenzeka, sinokwenza unxibelelwano phakathi kweemvakalelo zethu zangoku kunye nolwalamano oludlulileyo kunye neziganeko ezivela kuzo. Ngokwenza oku, sinokuzikhulula ukuze sizive sikhuseleke ngakumbi kubomi bethu bangoku. Singaqala ukwahlukana nokungaqiniseki kunye nokuzikhusela okwakusisebenzela njengabantwana kodwa kwasenzakalisa njengabantu abadala.

Kungekudala siza kufunda ukuba singasinda kukhatywa ngaphandle kokuncama uthando ngokupheleleyo. Singaziva sigqibelele ngaphakathi kuthi, kwaye siqhubeke ukukhangela umntu esinokuziva sikhuselekile kuye.

* Ekwenziweni kweBali lakho: Ukuqonda ixesha lakho elidlulileyo ukuze ukhulule i-Present yakho kunye nokuXhobisa ikamva lakho, "ikhosi ekwi-Intanethi endizakube ndiyikhokela kunye noGqr.Daniel Siegel, siza kuthetha ngendlela yokwenza ingxelo ehambelanayo yebali lethu amava anokusinceda sakhe impilo esempilweni, ukunamathela okukhuselekileyo kunye nokuqinisa imeko yethu yomelele yokomelela ngokweemvakalelo.

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