Kutheni Kulungile — Nokuba Sisilumko — Ukuvumela Umntwana Wakho Ayeke

Nguwuphi umzali ongenamntwana othi ngamanye amaxesha okanye omnye athi ufuna ukuwisa umdlalo okanye iqela? Misa umdaniso okanye izifundo zomculo? Okanye nawuphina umsebenzi wena, njengomzali, onokuba utyale imali eninzi okanye ixesha elininzi, mhlawumbi uvuyiswa ecaleni okanye uqhwaba izandla ngokuzonwabisa?

Nokuba umntwana wakho uyaphumelela okanye akaphakamanga kulolo hlobo, unokuziva uyeka ayisosisombululo. Sonke sivakalelwe njalo ngezizathu ezahlukeneyo. Nangona kunjalo, ukutshintsha iigiya kwaye ewe, ukuyeka, kunokuba yinto elungileyo yokuhamba kwabantwana.

Kule posi yeendwendwe, uPhyllis L. Fagell LCPC, umcebisi wesikolo eSheridan School kwiSithili, ugqirha weChrysalis Group eBethesda, Maryland kunye nombhali we Imicimbi yeSikolo esiPhakathi Icacisa ukuba kutheni ukuyeka kunye nokunamathela ngaphandle kunokuba yinzuzo enkulu kumntwana wakho.

Iposi yeendwendwe ngu UPhyllis Fagell:

Emva kwelahleko enzima kwitumente yokubiyela ilizwe lonke, uSophie, oneminyaka eli-15, walila. Wathi, “Ndenza ntoni apha? Andingowalapha, ”watsho umama wakhe, uJen“ J.J. ” UCannon ukhumbula. Nanini na xa uSophie ebuza ukuba ingaba ukubiyela kufanelekile kwiindawo eziphakamileyo nezisezantsi, umama wakhe umkhumbuza ukuba angahlala ephumla kwaye aphinde aqwalasele kwakhona. UCannon ngamanye amaxesha unengxaki yokuba la mava enza okubi ngakumbi kunokulungileyo, kodwa uyaqonda ukuba ukubiyela kube yinxalenye yesazisi sikaSophie.

"Into endiyaziyo, kwaye umyeni wam uyavuma, kukuba le nto ingaphezulu kakhulu kokubiyela ukubetha-ukuphumelela okanye ukwahlula," ucacisa uCannon. "Ukuhlala phaya kwisiqwengana sodwa kwakha amandla kunye nokuziphatha, kwaye ulilungu leklabhu esele ifana nosapho."

Njengomcebisi wesikolo esiphakathi, abazali bahlala bendibuza ukuba ngaba umntwana wabo kufuneka ayeke ukwenza into. Njengakwimeko kaSophie, akukho mpendulo zicacileyo, kodwa ndiyakholelwa ukuba inkqubo yokwenza izigqibo ibaluleke kakhulu kunesiphumo. Ngokudlulisa le miyalezo mihlanu ilandelayo, uya kuphakamisa umntwana olaziyo ixesha lokutshintsha amagiya.

Phinda unike igama lokuyeka

Kukho imbono ephosakeleyo yokuba ukuyeka bubugwala, kodwa xa unyanzelisa ukuba abantwana bakho babambelele kwimisebenzi ebenza babe lusizi, ungabafundisa ngokungazi ukuba bahlale kwiimeko ezimbi. Kwicala elisezantsi, abantwana abasebenza isibindi sokulahla into ecekisekayo baziva belawulwa ngakumbi ngekamva labo.

Umntwana unokuhlala ekhosini ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi. Basenokuba baxelelwe ukuba banesiphiwo okanye akufuneki bachithe amandla abo. Okanye mhlawumbi abazali babo batyale ixesha elininzi kunye nezixhobo ukwenza into, umntwana woyika ukuvuma ukuba abonwabanga. Kunokuba nzima ukuba umntu omkhulu ashenxise kwicala, makungasathethi ke ngomntwana omncinci, umfundi ophakathi okanye umfundi ofikisayo. Basenokufuna imvume ecacileyo okanye baxhamle kumabali okuva amaxesha apho ujongene nokhetho olufanayo.

Kwincwadi yakhe, "Kwanele njengoko Anjalo," uRachel Simmons ubhala malunga nokuziva ulilolo njengoRhodes Scholar eOxford. “Bendingazenzi abahlobo. Ndichithe ixesha lam elininzi ndiseCavernous Bodleian Library okanye ndisebenzisa iindlela ezinenkungu zeOxford, ndizibuza ukuba yintoni engalunganga ngam. Kodwa andinakukuqonda ukuhamba. Ngubani oyeke iRhodes Scholarship, esona sipho sinqabileyo? ” utshilo. Xa wayeka, wayigcina iyimfihlo iminyaka elishumi. Wayeqinisekile ukuba ukuyeka ukucacisa isimilo sakhe. Ubhala athi, "Ngoku sendiyazi ngenye indlela." "Ixesha lokufikisa lixesha eliphawulwa ziinguqu ezinzima, kwaye ukhetho lokutshintsha ikhondo, uyeke, kwaye, ewe, ukuyeka-ngenkxaso efanelekileyo kunye nokubonisa-inokuba sisenzo esibonisa isibindi sokuzihlonipha."

Baqinisekise ukuba ukushenxisa iigiya kunokubuphucula ubomi babo

Ukunyamezela kunye ne-grit kubalulekile, kodwa ukuhamba kunokubanceda abantwana baphile ubomi obonwabileyo nobusempilweni. Izifundo ezininzi, kubandakanya nolunye lwabaphandi baseCanada uGregory Miller noCarsten Wrosch, lubonakalisile ukuba abantu abakwaziyo ukuyeka iinjongo ezingafikelelekiyo okanye ezingafunekiyo bonwabela impilo entle kwaye banezifo ezimbalwa.

Nceda abantwana bakho babone ukuba yintoni ebaqhubayo, yintoni abathanda ukuyenza kwaye banethemba lokwenza ntoni. Njengombhali kunye notitshala u-Alfie Kohn ubhale kwi IWashington Post "Nokuba ungangqubeki kwaye utshise ngokuhlala ekhosini, awungekhe uhambe kakuhle nokuba uyekile, waphinda wavavanya wazama enye into."

Nika imizekelo yabantu abaphumeleleyo

Ukuyeka kunokuziva kungahambelani. Ukuba umntwana wakho (okanye wena) ufuna ukuqinisekiswa, qwalasela imizekelo emininzi yabantu abaziwayo abayeka enye injongo bekhetha enye. Ngokwe-Insider ye-Business Insider, uVera Wang uhambe ukusuka kubuchwephesha bobuchwephesha ukuya kumyili wefashoni. U-Astronaut uJohn Glenn waba nguSenator wase-US e-Ohio. UDwayne "Iliwa" uJohnson wayengumgcini wecala lokugcina umva kwiKhanada yeBhola eKhatywayo ngaphambi kokuba awelele kumabonwakude nakwiimuvi, phakathi kwabanye abaninzi.

Yiza nesinye isicwangciso

Umntwana wakho unokwazi ukuba bayenzile ngento enye, kodwa abazi ukuba bangathanda ukuzama ntoni endaweni yoko. "Elinye icebo endilinika abazali lelokuba bathi ebantwaneni babo, kufuneka uzame izinto ezahlukileyo," utshilo uBritt Rathbone, umlawuli wezonyango kwizigulo zengqondo zabakwishumi elivisayo eBethesda, MD. “Asinakuze siyazi into umntu aza kuyithanda. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba banamathele kuyo. Thatha uluhlu lwemisebenzi, khetha into kwaye uzame nje. Yithi, ukuba awukhethi nto, ndikhethela into, kwaye ukuba awuyithandi, ngekhe uphinde uyenze. ” URathbone ucebisa ngokwakha umngcipheko ekuthatheni amandla kunye nomdla wabo. Ukuba bayasokola ekuhlaleni kodwa bayakonwabela ukuzoba, umzekelo, babhalisele iklasi yobugcisa.

Benza nabo ekusombululeni iingxaki

Yenza uluhlu lwezinto ezilungileyo kunye nezibi kunye kwaye uncede umntwana wakho ahlole ukuba lixesha lokusika ilahleko kunye nokuqhubela phambili. Yamkela into abalahlekelwayo kunye nento abanokuyizuza.

Sinenkcubeko ethile ngokuchasene nokuyeka kwaye sithande ukuyijonga njengo "kunikezela," kodwa loo nto ilahlekile. Ukuyeka kunokuba luncedo kwaye kukhulule umntwana wakho ukuba afumane ukuthanda izinto ezintsha. Njengoko uSimmons esitsho, "ukujika okungalunganga kunqabile ukuba kufe."

Ilungelo lokushicilela @ 2019 nguPhyllis Fagell

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UWrosch, uCarsten noMichael F. Scheier, uGregory E. Miller, uRichard Schulz, uCharles S. Carver. (2003). "Ukuzilawula okuguqukayo kweenjongo ezingafikelelekiyo: Ukupheliswa kweenjongo, ukuphinda usebenze kwakhona, kunye nokuphila kakuhle." Ubuntu kunye neBulletin yezeNtlalontle yezeNtlalontle: Umqulu: 29 ukukhutshwa: 12, iphepha (s): 1494-1508.