UkuBhengeza okanye ukungakuZisi?

Ukuziveza ngokwakho ukwenzakala ngokwesondo ngumbuzo uninzi lwabasindileyo olucingayo. "Ngaba ndiyachaza okanye hayi, kwaye ukuba kunjalo, kubani, phantsi kwaziphi iimeko, kwaye kungcono njani ukwenza oko?" Abanye bakhetha ukubhengeza ngokubanzi (umzekelo, ukuthumela umyalezo kwimidiya yoluntu kubahlobo nakwintsapho) ngelixa abanye banokukhetha ukungaze baveze (umzekelo, bangaze baxelele umphefumlo, nkqu nakwindoda okanye iqabane labo).

Uphononongo lwakutsha nje olwenziwe nguGundersen noZaleski (2020) bafumanise ukuba inkuthazo yabo bathumela amabali abo okuhlaselwa ngokwesondo kwi-intanethi iwele kwimixholo emine ephambili: “Bendingafuni ukuphinda ndithuliswe”; "Ndazibiza ngokuba sisixhobo"; "Ucingo oluqala ukuba nemingxunya kuyo wakuba uxele (isikweko sesithintelo nabanye)"; Kwaye “ukuzixela kwakuyindlela yohlaziyo.” Abo bathathe inxaxheba bakhuthazekile ukuba baxele ukuxhobisa umntu kunye negalelo kwingxelo ebanzi ye-Intanethi yamaxhoba.

Nangona kunjalo, ukhetho oluchaziweyo lunokuphikisana neenkxalabo zokubuyela umva, ifuthe kubudlelwane, okanye ukuziva ubhencekile / usengozini. Kungayingozi ukuxela, kungekuphela ngenxa yokoyika ukufumana iimpendulo ezingasasebenziyo kodwa kwanenkxalabo yokwenyani yokuziphindezela okanye ingozi eyonyukayo. Impendulo engalunganga evela kwabanye inokumisa ukubhengezwa kwangaphambili. Njengoko uphando lwe-Ahrens (2006) lubonisa, xa abantu befumana iimpendulo ezingathandekiyo emva kokubhengezwa, kunqabile ukuba baphinde bachaze, okunokuthi kuphazamisane nokufumana unyango kunye nokuphilisa. Nangona kunjalo, kunokubakho uxinzelelo lokuxela kubasebenzi bezempilo, amalungu osapho, okanye kubudlelwane obusondeleyo.

Masithi ukhetha ukungazivezi, kuba oku kunezibonelelo zako. Umzekelo, ukungachazi kunokukhusela ekugwetyweni, kumagqabantshintshi, ekugxekeni, ekusebenziseni ulwazi njengesixhobo esichasene nawe, okanye ngandlela ithile ukungcolisa ubudlelwane. Ngelixa ukungachazi kunokusombulula imicimbi ethile malunga nemfihlo, inokudala eminye imiba efana nokuziva ngathi kukho isithintelo seemvakalelo phakathi kwakho nabanye. Ukuba ukhethe ukungazivezi, ungaziva ngathi uyinxalenye yakho iyinyani kwaye uyayifihla into ebalulekileyo ebomini bakho. Ukungazichazi kuthetha ukuba akukho nkxaso ngokubhekisele kwinto eyenzekileyo. Kuthekani ukuba uyachukunyiswa okanye uneempendulo ezinxulumene nokwenzakala, abanye abayi kukuqonda kwaye abayi kuba nako ukukunceda. Kananjalo, ukuba uyarhoxa kwabanye, ngempazamo banokuzibuza ukuba benze ntoni, okanye kutheni ungasabathandi.

Kwiphepha elisecaleni, abanye banokukhetha ukuveza uxele kwabanye, mhlawumbi bathethe nabahlobo abambalwa abasondeleyo, okanye umcebisi, okanye iqabane elithandanayo. Kunokubakho izibonelelo ezininzi ekuzivezeni njengokuzinceda wena nabanye wenze ingqiqo ngokwenzekileyo, ukuphucula ukusondelelana, ukuthembana kunye nokunxibelelana nabanye, kukunika iqonga lokunxibelelana ngeendlela zokulwa, uziva unyanisekile kwaye uthembekile, kwaye uzikhulule ekuthwaleni umthwalo onzima wexesha elidlulileyo. Ewe kunjalo, kukho ubungozi obunokubakho ekuchazeni. Abanye banokungaqondi okanye bangayiqondi okanye bayiphendule ngendlela exhasayo.

Ke kwakhona, kuphakama umbuzo, ukuveza okanye ukungachazi? Ungumnini webali lakho kunye nokukhetha kunye nomxholo wento oyityhilayo kwaye yeyakho eyakho. Kukho ukubonwa okwahlukileyo xa ucinga malunga nokuxela kuxhomekeke kubani (umz., Umsebenzi wezempilo, ilungu losapho, osebenza naye, umhlobo osenyongweni, iqabane, okanye ubudlelwane obutsha), umxholo wobudlelwane, kunye nento onethemba ukuyiphumeza ngokwazisa. (Kukho eminye imiba ethe ngqo enxulumene nobudlelwane bezesondo eya kuthi ibhekiswe kwisithuba esahlukileyo.)

Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuxela apha zizinto ezimbalwa eziqwalaselweyo:

1. Cinga ngomgangatho wobudlelwane. Ngaphambi kokuba ukhethe ukuxela, kuyanceda ukuvavanya umgangatho wolwalamano lwakho. Lo mntu ulufumene njani ulwazi lomntu kwixa elidlulileyo? Ngaba babexhasa? Ngaba umamkeli naye wabelana ngezinto ezithile zabucala kunye nawe? Olu tshintshiselwano lwakha isiseko sokuthembela kubudlelwane.
2. Cinga ixesha lesabelo sakho. Ngokufanelekileyo, nobabini nikhululekile, nijolise, kwaye anicinezeli ixesha.Ukwabelana ngelixa ubukele imovie, ezemidlalo, okanye kwifowuni akulunganga ukuba ufuna ingqalelo yomntu. Ayikulungelanga nokwabelana kanye emva kobudlelwane obusondeleyo, ngeholide okanye ngexesha lomntu othile (usuku lokuzalwa, umtshato, usuku lwe-valentine, njl.
3. Cinga ukuba ungabelana ngantoni. Ngenxa yokuba ukhetha ukwazisa umntu ngento eyenzekileyo, oku akuthethi ukuba kufuneka bazi zonke iinkcukacha. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba wabelane ngaphezulu kokufuna. Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba wabelana ngaphezulu, kwaye umamkeli ubuza imibuzo ongafuni kuyiphendula, yima. Thatha umoya. Zithobe. Ngamanye amaxesha abantu babuza imibuzo kuba bengazi ukuba mabaphendule njani. Unokunxibelelana ukuba awusafuni ukuthetha ngayo kwakhona. Emva koko, jonga kwakhona kule nto ufuna ukuthetha ngayo.
4. Ndifuna ukufumana impendulo ethile. Lindela izinto ozilindeleyo zokuba kutheni ufuna ukuxela. Ngelixa unokuba nethemba lokuphendula ngenkathalo, uvelwano, intuthuzelo kunye nenkxaso, ngokunokwenzeka, umntu unokuba nezikhukhula zokuphendula. Ngelixa ujongene nalo mbandela okwethutyana, olu lwazi olutsha kunye nolungalindelekanga kumamkeli. Ngokwembono yomamkeli, oku kunokuba yinto eyothusayo, eyoyikisayo, kwaye kunzima ukuyiqonda. Basenokuziva benomsindo, bengenakuzinceda, kwaye benetyala. Isenokuba yinto engekho ngqiqweni into yokuba umamkeli wesibhengezo sakho anganakho ukufumana impendulo efanelekileyo kuwe, ngelixa benomsindo kunye nokuphendula kwabo. Kuyanceda ukuqonda ukuba banokubakhathalela ngokwenyani kwaye boyike ngelixa bexakanaza ukwenza intsingiselo yento eyenzekileyo.
5. Akuwaqondi amava omamkeli. Kungayinto yokwenyani ukuvumela lo mntu indawo ethile yokuqhubekekisa olu lwazi (xa kulunywa). Mhlawumbi impendulo yokuqala yindlela yokumelana ("Hayi! Ayikwazi ukuba le") kwaye angathetha into engafanelekanga okanye abeke ityala. Kwakhona, phefumla kwaye unike lo mntu indawo encinci kunye nexesha lokuphendula. Emva koko buya ubuze ukuba bafuna ukuthetha ngayo kwakhona. Mhlawumbi uya kuba nakho ukuqhubekeka nendlela abasabela ngayo okanye indlela osabela ngayo kwindlela abasabela ngayo.

Ukuba ukujonga ukubhengeza njengovavanyo lothando lomntu othile kuwe, inokuseta intlekele yeemvakalelo. Endaweni yokuba umamkeli afune isikhokelo ngendlela yokuphendula. Banikwe intshayelelo emfutshane, yiba novelwano ngendlela enokuba yiyo kubo, banike ixesha lokuqhubekeka, thintela iinkcukacha ezininzi ngokukhawuleza kakhulu. Bancede bakuncede.

Olunye uluvo kukuqala ngeengxelo ngokubanzi, ezinje ngala, “Bendifuna uyazi ukuba ndikhe ndafumana ukonzakala ngokwesondo xa ndandisebenza emkhosini (ebuntwaneni, njl. Njl.). Andinamdla wokuhamba ngeenkcukacha, kodwa ndifuna inkxaso yakho njengoko ndisebenza ekuphiliseni kwam. ” Nangona isenokuvakala ingenangxaki, emva kwako konke, ibinguwe owehlelwe ngumothuko, ukubhengeza kukwabelana kwaye kuphuculwe ubudlelwane obutyhila naye. Ukuba iziva ifanelekile, ungabulela, uqinisekise kwaye uxhase umamkeli. Umzekelo, “Ndiyazi ukuba oku kunokuba nzima ukuva. Enkosi ngokuba ngumhlobo olungileyo, ndiyakuxabisa. ” Kunokuba luncedo ukwazisa umntu lowo ukuba ungathanda ntoni kubo. Ndifuna uphulaphule nje. ” Okanye, "bendifuna uyazi ukuba kutheni ndinexhala." Okanye, "Yintoni enokundinceda ukuba ungayenza le nto xa ndenza / ndithetha le."

Kuxhomekeke kubudlelwane, kunokubakho okanye kungabikho zingxoxo zilandelayo. Unamandla okuhambisa incoko, wabelane okanye ungabelani, uthathe ikhefu, kunye / okanye uziveze ngendlela othanda ngayo. Ngelixa ukubhengeza kunokuba yinkohliso ukuhamba, khumbula awuwedwa kwaye kukho inkxaso kuwe.

Ukucamngca:

Ukuba ubona ihlathi lemithi, kubonakala ngathi bohlukene kwaye banqanyuliwe. Kodwa ngokwenene, iingcambu zabo zidibene kwaye banokunxibelelana. Ngokunjalo nathi sinokubonakala sahlukile, kodwa enyanisweni, sonke siyadibana. Kwaye ngoku ufunda eli nqaku ngoku, siyathetha.