Ukuqonda kunye nokuziThandela kwiRape Fantasy

Kufuneka kuqatshelwe kwasekuqaleni ukuba ayikho into enjengokudlwengulwa kwemvume. Ukudlwengulwa kwamaphupha okanye umdlalo wokudlwengulwa kubandakanya ukudlala indima yesondo apho elinye iqabane lidlala ngokuzithoba (ixhoba) kwaye elinye lidlala phambili (umhlaseli). Ukuziphatha okususela kwimibono yokudlwengulwa kuyavumelana ngokupheleleyo. Amagama athi "udlwengulo," "ukunyanzeliswa ngokwesini," okanye "ukudlala udlwengulo" ngamagama angafanelekanga. Ukuba umntu uyayivuma indlela yokuziphatha ngokwesondo, ayikokudlwengula okanye ukunyanzelwa ukuba wabelane ngesondo. Inkqubo ye- layita ingangumbono wokunyanzelwa ukuba wabelane ngesondo nabantu abaninzi, kodwa abafuni ukudlwengulwa.

Oko bekutshiwo, ukuvuma ukuba nefantasy yokudlwengula ayenzi umdlalo ungabi nzima. Kukho umlinganiso opheleleyo wemilinganiselo kunye neentshukumo ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe xa kuthathelwa ingqalelo ukuzibandakanya kumabali odlwengulo.

Ludla ngokuqheleke Kangakanani Udlwengulo?

Intsomi yokudlwengula ixhaphake kakhulu kunokuba ucinga. UBivona, uCritelli, noClark (2012) bafumanise ukuba iipesenti ezingama-62 zabathathi-nxaxheba, ezinabafazi abangama-355 abavela kwiiyunivesithi ezimbini zikarhulumente kumazantsi-ntshona e-United States, baxela ukuba banamaphupha okudlwengula kumanqanaba ohlukeneyo ohlobo nohlobo. Kwiziphumo zophando zikaLehmiller (2018) zabantu abadala abayi-4,175 e-United States, wafumanisa ukuba isibini kwisithathu sabasetyhini ekufundeni babeneengcinga zokudlwengulwa kwaye isiqingatha samadoda kuvavanywa ukuba anemibono yokudlwengulwa.

Iindidi zeRape Fantasy

Iingcinga zokudlwengula azifani. Zikhona ngokwamanqanaba ohlukeneyo amandla. Kwiifom zayo ezinobuzaza, inokuba yinto nje yothusayo, umzekelo, mhlawumbi iqabane lakho likulindile emva komnyango wendlu yakho emnyama xa ufika ekhaya uvela emsebenzini. Kwiimeko ezigabadeleyo, abathathi-nxaxheba banokufuna ukunyanzelwa ukuba babandakanyeke kwizenzo zesondo abangazukuzenza kwezinye iimeko. Banokude bafune ukwenzakaliswa kancinci-yimivumbo eshiywe ngasemva kukungavumi kwabo ukudlala okanye mhlawumbi bafuna ukukrwitshwa ngexesha lomdlalo. Intsomi yokudlwengula inokuba nayo yonke into ephakathi kwaye inyanzelise imida yale mizekelo phambili.

Imvume isanyanzelekile

Xa ujonga intelekelelo yokudlwengula okanye udlala indima ngokwesondo, imvume yiyo yonke into. Yiyo loo nto ingekuko ukudlwengulwa kwaye abo bazibandakanya kuko abadlwengulwa okanye bafuna nokudlwengulwa. Amaqabane kufuneka amisele ukuba yeyiphi na imida ngaphambi kokuba kudlalwe ngolu hlobo. Ukuba loo mida ayimiselwanga, akukho mvume ke.

Yintoni engekho mthethweni? Khuphela indawo. Mhlawumbi indlu ihlala ivulekile okanye ingena emotweni kwindawo emnyama yokupaka, kodwa indawo yokusebenza ayivumelekanga. Kwaye kuthekani ngezenzo ezithile? Ngaba yonke into isetafileni? Mhlawumbi nayiphi na indlela yokungena ngumdlalo olungileyo, kodwa ukubetha, ukukrwitsha, okanye nantoni na enokutsala igazi ayisiyiyo. Kuninzi ekufuneka kuthathelwe ingqalelo xa kucwangciswa ukudlala indima ngokwesondo kunye nawo onke amandla emvume.

Ukubekwa amabala

Njengazo zonke iintlobo zeminqweno yesondo, kukho abo baya kuthi babeke amabala kuye nakubani na ovuswa ngokwesondo ngamaphupha odlwengulo. Abo bangakufumani ukuvuka kule ndlela yomnqweno bahlala bengasazi isizathu sokuba abanye bayithande. Kwaye ngelishwa, xa abanye abantu bengenamdla kumnqweno othile, benza ukuze bahlazise nabani na onjalo.

Kodwa ngaphandle kwezimvo zesini zoluntu ngokubanzi, kubalulekile ukuba iqabane lakho okanye iqabane elinokuba nalo liyazi ukuba uvuswe ngumdlalo wokulala ngesondo. Ukuba iqabane lakho alizimiselanga ukubandakanyeka kwiminqweno yokudlwengula, konke oko kuza kuvuma kwakhona. Unxibelelwano olubi ngalo mbandela lunokuphelisa ubudlelwane okanye luthintele ukuqala kwalo. Imiba yobudlelwane, kumabali abathathi-nxaxheba bam ophando, agxile kunxibelelwano olubi phakathi kobudlelwane okanye ukungakwazi ukufumana iqabane elisekwe kwiminqweno yesini. Asinguye wonke umntu okhululekileyo ngamaphupha odlwengulo.Omnye wabathathi-nxaxheba (owasetyhini, oneminyaka engama-23) wathumela imicimbi yakhe namaqabane anokubakho:

Ndiyinkink. Ndikulungele ukuzama nantoni na. Ndiyayithanda irhabaxa. Ndityhalele apha, ndiqhwabe ngempama, ndikrwitshe, ukuba ushiya ukugruzuka okuncinci, kuthetha ukuba uyandithanda. Ndiyayithanda xa iyinxalenye yefantasy yam yokudlwengulwa. Kodwa, kunzima ukufumana abafana abazimisele ukunikezela kule nto ndiyifunayo. Banoloyiko lokuba bazakundenzakalisa-bafo besihogo, yiyo le nto indisusayo.

I-Psychology yeNtlalontle ebangela ukuDlwengulwa

Unokuba yintoni umfutho wokuvuselela inkanuko yokudlwengulwa? Izinto ezininzi zangaphakathi ziye zavela kuphando lwam. Ezimbalwa zazo zibandakanyiwe:

• Ukuba nemvo yolawulo ekuphenduleni ekuhlaselweni ngokwesondo kwixa elidlulileyo. Kumsebenzi wam, kunqabile. Ndifumene kuphela abathathi-nxaxheba abadwelise uxinzelelo lwangaphambili njengendawo yemvelaphi. Umthathi-nxaxheba wandixelela ukuba iminqweno yakhe yayikukudlala indawo apho wadlwengulwa khona ukuze abe nakho ukuzilawula ngokupheleleyo. Uphando oluninzi ngakumbi kolu nxibelelwano phakathi kokuhlukumezeka ngokwesondo kunye nefantasy yokudlwengula iyafuneka.
• Abanye banomdla wokudlwengulwa ngokungathandabuzekiyo ngenxa yesini okanye ukwanda kokuhlola ngokwesondo kwindawo elawulwayo. Abantu endiye ndadlan 'indlebe nabo abaxoxa ngamaphupha odlwengulo ngale ndlela bahlala benesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo kwaye babonisa ukuzithemba kwisini sabo. Ukudlwengulwa kwamaphupha kuyinxalenye yokuqonda kwabo nokuziphatha ngokwesini.
• Intsomi yokudlwengula ibonelela ngokuzithethelela kwabanye abantu. Ukuba indima yomdlalo wokudlala ibandakanya ukunyanzelwa kwabo ukuba baziphathe ngendlela yokuziphatha ngokwesondo ebekwa amabala kakhulu, bakholelwa ukuba banesizathu sokuba banyanzelwe ukuba bayenze (nokuba badlala ngemvume epheleleyo), abanakubekwa tyala yokuyifuna. Esi sizathu singasetyenziswa neqabane lakho okanye naye nabani na ofumanisa umntu oziphethe kakubi ngokwesondo. Likrele elintlangothi-mbini, nangona kunjalo, ngelixa unganakho ukuqinisekisa umhlobo wakho ukuba akufuneki ubekwe ibala ngenxa yento onyanzelwe ukuba uyenze, usazivulela amabala endali yokudlwengulwa.

Intsomi yokudlwengula inzima kakhulu kubume bayo nakwimo yezentlalo. Iziphumo zengqondo nezentlalo ziyanda. Olunye uphando ngokuqinisekileyo kufuneka lugxile kwesi sihloko, ngaphandle kokungonwabi kwabanye. Kwaye iingcamango eziphosakeleyo malunga nefantasy yokudlwengulwa, kunye nabo babandakanyekayo kuyo, kufuneka zichithwe. Ngenjongo yentlalontle yesondo, into ekufuneka iqondwe kukuba intelekelelo yokudlwengulwa ibandakanya imvume kwaye abo bavuswe yiyo abafuni ukudlwengulwa. Rhoqo kunokuba kunjalo, abo baxela ukuba neminqweno yokudlwengula banesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo sezesondo kunye nenqanaba eliphezulu lokuzithemba ngokwesondo.

ILehmiller, J. (2018). Ndixelele into oyifunayo. ENew York, NY: ICandelo leDa Capo.