Indlela yokuCinga ngokuCwangcisiweyo malunga noBudlelwane bakho

Ukucinga ngokwenkqubo kungatyhila okuninzi malunga nokuqhubekayo kunye nokuba wenze ntoni ngayo, kodwa njengokucinga ngokuziphatha, kwahluke kakhulu ekucingeni ngokucinga malunga nokuziphatha kunye nokuziphatha kwaye kunzima kakhulu ukukufunda kunokuba, yithi, ukucinga kwengqondo okanye ukucinga ngokuziphatha . Ezona mpawu ziphambili zokucinga kwenkqubo ezenza ukuba kube nzima ukufunda kukungadibani nobuntu, ukugxininisa ekuzimiseleni, kunye nembono yabantu njengonamathele kuthungelwano lobudlelwane kunokuba babe ngabadlali abazimeleyo.

Ithiyori yokuzivelela kwezinto ithi ukwahluka kwemfuzo kukhethwe ziziphumo, apho iziphumo ezifanelekileyo zibandakanya ukusinda komzimba, impumelelo yokuzala, kunye nokusinda kwembewu. Indlela yokuziphatha ithi ukwahluka kokuziphatha kukhethwe ziziphumo ezibandakanya zombini imbuyekezo yebhayiloji kunye neyokufunda okanye ukungabikho kwabo. Inkqubo ithiyori ithi iindlela zokuziphatha zikhethwe ziziphumo zazo kwiinkqubo ezifanelekileyo, kubandakanya nemivuzo kodwa ikwabandakanya nokusebenza kakuhle kwenkqubo. Ke, intombazana iyaphula ixesha lokufika emva kwexesha kuba iyonwabisa kodwa ikakhulu, mhlawumbi, kuba oko kukhokelela kubazali bayo ekusebenzeni ekonisathini.

Inkqubo yokucinga iyayichasa ithiyori enomdla yokuba siziphatha ngendlela esiziphatha ngayo ngenxa yeenjongo zethu, ithiyori esifundiswa ngokubanzi njengabantwana. Le psychology yesiqhelo ikwanamathele kulwimi lwethu, apho izifundo ziqhuba iziphumo ngezenzi. I-thermostat “ayiqondi” ukuba iyabanda kwaye “ayithathi sigqibo” sokuvula iziko ngokungaphezulu, ngokwenkqubo, indoda “iyakuqonda” ukuba ithathwa ngokungakhathali kwaye “ithathe isigqibo” sokudlala ngothando nelinye ibhinqa.

Isishwankathelo esifutshane senkqubo yethiyori kukuba abantu bayazichaza iimeko kunye nobudlelwane abakuyo ngokwendlela iinkcazo ezahlukeneyo ezisebenza ngayo ekwenzeni inkqubo iqhubeke kakuhle, apho "ngokutyibilikayo" ichazwa ngokwenkcazo yemeko. Umzekelo, inkampu yeebhutsi iqhuba kakuhle xa abantu abasebatsha bediniwe kwaye besoyikiswa kwaye bebophelelwene ngokudibeneyo, kwaye umtshato ochazwe njengekampu yesiqalo uya kubandakanya umntu okhonkotha iiodolo kunye nomntu odibana phantsi komyalelo. Umtshato ochazwe njengendawo yokubaleka ngokomoya uya kuqhuba kakuhle ukuba isibini sinciphisa ubudlelwane kunye nabanye kwaye asisoze siphikisane.

Kuyanceda ukukhulisa isigama seentlobo zemitshato ngaphandle kwabantu ababandakanyekayo. Ibali "lokugqibela lothando," "isibini sokufa," kunye "nesikolo esizimeleyo" yiyo yonke imitshato endiyibonileyo. Inokukunceda ukusebenzisa imitshato ethile ukuchaza okwenzekayo. Sitsaleleke ePetruchio naseKate, kodwa siqhubeka nokutyibilika singena eOthello naseDesdemona. ” "Ngaba uyafuna ukuba nguMonica noTom Selleck okanye uMonica kunye noChandler?"

Ngaphezulu kwayo yonke loo nto, ukucinga ngokwenkqubo kuthatha ubuntu ngaphandle kwe-equation. Ubuntu bukhokelela kwizimvo ezinje, “Umlingane wam ungcolile, kwaye ndicocekile; iqabane lam lifanele licoceke. ” Ukucinga okucwangcisiweyo kukhokelela kwiingcinga ezinje, “Iqabane lam lifuna ubudlelwane, kwaye ndifuna unodoli. Hmmm. ” Endaweni yokucinga ukuba iqabane lakho alikuhloniphi, ngokwenkqubo umntu unokucinga ukuba iqabane lakhe lizama ukukhuthaza inkcazo enye yobudlelwane (ukapteni kunye nabasebenzi? Iimoto ezithandekayo?) Ngelixa uzama ukukhuthaza enye (ukubekwa ekhaya? Uxanduva olungalunganga?) .

I-crux yendlela yam yokunyanga isibini kufanelekile apha. Nokuba sithini na esi sibini sisokolayo, kwaye nokuba yeyiphi na ithiyori endiyikhethayo, inye into endihlala ndiyenza kukujonga unyango lwabo omnye komnye kwaye ngakumbi abakuthethayo omnye komnye. Ukuba omnye wabo uthetha into endibetha njengenqaku elimuncu, ndenza uphawu "lokuphuma ixesha". Ndithetha into enje, "Ngaba leyo yindlela athetha ngayo iqabane (okanye malunga) neqabane (okanye umfazi emfazini okanye nantoni na)?" Ukuba bathi hayi, ndicela umntu ukuba azame kwakhona, ngeli xesha ethetha ngendlela asenza ngayo (okanye malunga) neqabane lakhe.

Ukuba bathi ewe, ndinokuphakamisa iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga zohlobo lomtshato abawusebenzisayo. (Umzekelo, xa umtshato uqhutywa njenge-kindergarten, ndingatsho ukuba akukho sini sini phakathi kwabafundisi-ntsapho kunye nabasafunda.) Ukuba abavumelani malunga nokuba ingxelo leyo yayihambelana nendima yobudlelwane, siya kuthetha .

Isibini sinokuzuza kumqondiso wokuphuma kwexesha. Lumka ungayisebenzisi xa iqabane lakho lithetha into ongavumelani nayo; Yisebenzise kuphela xa ungavumelani nendlela abayitsho ngayo. Emva koko thetha malunga nokuba luhlobo luni lobudlelwane indlela yabo yokuthetha ekhuthaza kwaye luhlobo luni lolwalamano enifuna ukuba nalo.

Ukuba akukho nto iyenye, ubuhlobo, indawo yokusebenzisana yokuphuma iya kuba yindawo elungileyo yokunxibelelana kwakhona. Ewe uphawu lwexesha lokuphuma kufuneka lusetyenziswe ekuqaleni kokuhamba gwenxa. Ukuba uyalityeshela ixesha lokuqala othetha ngalo ungathi ungumntwana wasenkulisa, kunokwenzeka ukuba uphendule njengomntwana, kwaye ngelixesha usenza uphawu lokuphuma, usemlweni opheleleyo. Okwangoku, nje ukuba izinto zihlale phantsi, ungazama ukukhangela kunye xa isibini siphume kumgaqo womtshato sangena kumkhondo womsindo, kwaye unokujonga kwakhona izibonelelo zokubiza ixesha xa izinto ziqala.

Ukongeza ekuthatheni ixesha kunye nokuthetha izinto (oko kubizwa ngokuba “kukunxibelelana”), ungathatha amanyathelo ukukhuthaza uhlobo lomtshato ofuna ukuba kulo kunokuba ngokungazi usebenzise uhlobo lomtshato ongafuniyo Okokugqibela kuhlala kuthatha iintlobo zeesangqa ezinolunya. Umzekelo, kuhlobo lomtshato wesikolo esizimeleyo, umfazi wenza ubuntombi okanye uyangxolisa, kwaye umyeni wenza ngathi ufuyiwe kodwa uqhubeka nokuqhuma kobutsha. Ukuqhuma kwakhe kwinqanaba lokufikisa kunokwenzeka ukuba kumenze azive ngathi uyamthethisa, kwaye ngokuchaseneyo, kwaye bobabini basabele komnye endaweni yokukhuthaza umtshato abanokuwukhetha.

Ndizamile ukuveza olu luvo lokugqibela kwi-sonnet epapashwe kwiiVoices.

"Imiboniso yoMtshato"

Ukuba bendimtshatile ngendandinguye.

Yiyiphi enye indlela onokuyichaza ngayo imeko yakhe?

Umsindo wakhe, isimilo sakhe sendoda ngexesha elifanelekileyo

Ngaba uqhuba ukuthulisa nabani na onengqondo.

Ukungaqiniseki kwakhe kuhlasela

Wayefana nenkanyamba yaseCaribbean.

Iindonga zakhe, iindonga, kunye neebhafu zesanti ayizizo iimpazamo.

Ngubani ongafuni kukhuselwa yimvula yakhe?

Okukhona ezifihla kokukhona kufuneka ahlasele

Ukungena ngaphakathi kuthintelo lwamatye akhe.

Ke, xa elwa akaze alwe,

Kwaye ke ubushushu bakhe bodwa abupheli.

Uqhankqalaza ngempendulo kodwa uya kuyekisa.

Ukuba bendimtshatile ngendandinguye.