Kulungile Akukho Cupid?

Ndikhumbula ngokucacileyo uvalo ngobunye ubusuku kungekudala emva kokuqhekeka nzima. Ndindedwa kwaye ndisoyika, ndajonga kwigumbi lam lokulala elimnyama nelithuleyo ndacinga, "iphelela apha kum, ndedwa ngonaphakade."

Kwakunjengokujonga kwangaphambili ukufa, hayi itonela elinethemba elikhanyayo ekupheleni kwayo, hayi ukungena kwindawo eyonwabisayo enezithunywa zezulu ezonwabileyo, kodwa njengokuvuka engcwabeni elingcwatyelweyo, elubhacweni naseclaustrophobic, ikamva lam laphakade .

Ndikhe ndanexhala kolu loyiko emva kokuqhekeka okuninzi. Emva komtshato wam weminyaka eli-17, ndandicinga ukuba umfazi wam uza kuxelela wonke umntu wasetyhini ukuba ndilahlekile kwaye ngekhe ndiphinde ndifumane umhla.

Kwakungekho njalo. Emva koqhawulo-mtshato wam, kwabakho ukukhanya ekupheleni kwetonela, uninzi lweenkampani ezithandekayo ezithandekayo zeengelosi, abafazi abathi, njengomfazi wam, bagqiba ekubeni abayeni babo balahlekile kwaye bajonge kum njengoncedo.

Ndinabahlobo abaninzi abatshatileyo abancinci kwaye bahlala benjalo. Baphila ubomi obusebenzayo, obonwabisayo, iqabane elisendleleni kulo lonke uhambo lobomi.

Ubomi bam bohlukile. Ndinomtshato wam omnye omde kwaye ukusukela ngoku ndatshintsha phakathi kokuba ndedwa, ukuthandana kunye nokusebenzisana, kunye nentsebenziswano ngokubanzi ihlala iminyaka emalunga ne-2.5. Khange isebenze kakuhle, zonke ezo zinto ziphazamisayo ezihlekisayo eziphazamisayo kunye neziphelo eziphazamisayo. Okwangoku, ibisisityebi. Ndibaleke kakuhle kwaye ndifunde okuninzi apha endleleni.

Kwezintsuku andicingi ukuba ndibekelwe ubambiswano. Izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka kum, kubandakanya nezo zichazwe kumanqaku am apha, zenza ukuba kube nzima ukuba ndithandane. Umsebenzi wam, ezifundweni kunye nakobuqu (elingana nam kwindlela yokomoya) ubukhulu becala kukoyisa utyekelo lokucinga ukuba nabaphi na kuthi abangaxhomekekanga kokulungileyo nokubi kubuntu. Ezothando, ngakumbi ngexesha lokuthandana, zitsala zikhetheke ngokukodwa. Andikwazi nje - okanye kunoko andiyi - kugcina ukunyaniseka okuxhasayo okubandakanya ukuthandana.

Kubonakala ngathi kukho indlela enqamlezileyo kwindawo ethile esembindini wobomi, indawo apho ungekabikho kuzinzo kwintsebenziswano emnandi okanye umtshato, amathuba okwenza oko ayawa. Kukho oomama, kodwa kunye newotshi yomtshato. Yenza abantwana ngama-40; iqabane ngu, yithi 55, okanye amathuba okuphumelela anciphe.

Mva nje ndibuze abahlobo abambalwa (uninzi lwabasetyhini) imibuzo emibini: Leliphi ithuba lokuba uchithe iminyaka engamashumi amabini edlulileyo ungatshatanga, kwaye uziva njani ngeli themba?

Ndifumana iimpendulo ezimbini. Inye kukusilela ukwahlulahlula le mibuzo: Zero ithuba ndiza kuphelela ndedwa, kuba iyakuba mbi. Abantu benza loo nto kakhulu. Baphendula umbuzo malunga nokubakho okwenzekayo ngamathemba, hayi ngovavanyo oluchanekileyo.

Ndikwafumana iimpendulo ezinje ngo "Kunokwenzeka, kwaye ndiya kuba lusizi."

Ukoyikisa amashumi eminyaka yindlela emuncu yokuhamba ebomini. Kulindeleke ukuba ndiphele ndingatshatanga ixesha elide, kodwa akusekho kubi. Ndiyayamkela ngehlombe.

Yibize iidiliya ezimuncu. Okanye yibize ngokwenza ilamunade kwiilamuni. Kukho umgca olungileyo phakathi kweediliya ezimuncu kunye nelemonade.

Emva kokwahlukana kwam okokugqibela ndiyekile ukucinga ngokungatshati njengokusilela. Ndiye ndaqonda ukuba eyona nto ndiyifunayo kwiminyaka yam yam kamva lixesha lam nengqondo yam ebuyayo ekuphazanyisweni luthando. Ndineeprojekthi ezininzi eziphambili, ezinye zazo zifuna ukuba nenkululeko yokulandela iingcinga zam apho zindithatha zingakhubekisi abo bakufutshane nabathandekayo.

Abahlobo bam abatshatileyo kudala bafumana ixesha kunye neengqondo zabo ngokutshintsha indawo yothando ngokuthuthuzela okucocekileyo. Enye indlela. Enye yeyokwamkela ubomi obonwabisayo obungatshatanga.

Ndinentlonipho eninzi kwindlela yomtshato-buddy yenkqubo yokuhamba ebomini. Akuphindanga kwaba bubomi bam kunokwesini esahlukileyo kube bubomi bobufanasini.

Amaxesha kunye nezimo zengqondo ziyatshintsha, kwaye abo kuthi bakwiminyaka yobomi obuphakathi kwezi ntsuku kwenzeka ukuba baphile kumanqam okwehla komtshato njengokuphela kwendlela yokuphila kunye nokunyuka kokungatshati, i-cusp ehambelana ngandlela thile ukwehla kobungqingili njeng kuphela kwendlela kunye nokunyuka kweendlela zokuphila ezingafaniyo. Kungalula nakubani na wethu ukuba azive eneentloni kwaye edanile ngenxa yokungakwazi ukufikelela kwimigangatho yayizolo, ngaphambi kokwamkela ukwamkeleka kwethu ngokwemigangatho yanamhlanje.

Ndibuthanda kakhulu ubuhlobo. Ndicinga ukuba yeyona ndlela ithembakeleyo nehloniphekileyo yokunxibelelana kunokuthandana - inkululeko engakumbi yokunxibelelana kunye nentetho, izizathu ezingaphantsi kunye ne-ajenda.

Ndiyakonwabela ukusondelelana, kwaye ndibonakala ngathi ndinako ukuza ngokulula. Ndihlala ndizame ukuhambisa incoko kude nentetho encinci ASAP. Ndinabahlobo abaninzi abasenyongweni, nangona abantu beza behamba ngokusekwe kwizinto zethu eziphambili ngokubaluleka. Nangona ndichitha ixesha elininzi ndedwa, andiziva ndikhutshelwa ecaleni okanye ndigxothiwe.

Abahlobo abanezibonelelo bayakhohlisa. Ukusondela kumashumi amathandathu, andisaqiniseki ngokulula ngesondo ukuba ndiyathandana. Kodwa andifumananga ngaphezulu kwesinye isinyanzelo esinyanzelayo esiza nokunxibelelana ngokwesondo: Ukoyika ukudanisa umfazi.

Ezothando ziqhutywa kukukhawulezisa kwayo, unxibelelwano oluhlala lusomelela luqinisekisa ukuba zonke iinkqubo ziyahamba. Kodwa kunokuba kukukhawulezisa okwethutyana. Yonke into esiyenzayo ukonwabisa omnye nomnye iba lulindelo, into yokondla okanye enye iyadanisa. Ke ngabahlobo ndithetha ukuba ngabahlobo.

Kule minyaka idlulileyo, njengoko ndandiqonda ukuba ndingoyame ngokungatshatanga, ndazama ukuzibophelela kuyo. Ndade ndayinika igama elitsha, elinye endaweni yokutshata, ukungatshati kunye nokuziphatha gwenxa. Ndayibiza ngokuba "ngumboleki-mali." Ubomi bam bubolekisiwe kum kwaye ndinokuboleka kwabanye - ubuhlobo njengokuzithoba kwesi siqu ndifumana ukuba sobomi bonke.

Kodwa ngaphandle kwemizamo eliqela yokuzibhengeza njengombolekisi, ndibuyele kubambiswano izihlandlo ezimbalwa. Eli xesha livakala lahlukile. Uninzi kuba ndingaphezulu kovalo. Into endiyoyikayo kuvela ngathi ndiziva njengesiphumo esihle ebomini bam.

Mhlawumbi ukuba ngumboleki-mali akukabambeki. Ndingaphela ndibambisene nolwalamano olude kwakhona. Ndinabahlobo ababeka ukubheja endikuthandayo, kunye nabahlobo abazama ukundiqinisekisa ukuba akufuneki ndiphele ndingatshatanga kwaye ndibuhlungu (benza umanyano). Oku kunokuvakala ngathi ngabantu abathandana nabantu besini esahlukileyo beqinisekisa abantu abathandana besisini esinye ukuba akufuneki baphele bengamafanasini.

Elowo kuye eyakhe. Kodwa ukuba uzifumanisa ucinga ukuba ungaphela ulusizi kumashumi eminyaka, unokuzisindisa kakhulu kulindelo lwentelekelelo ngokucinga ngendlela onokwazi ukuyenza ukuba ingabi mbi kangako. Amathuba okuba uyakwenza oko ekugqibeleni. Uninzi lwethu luthanda ukwenza okungcono kokungenakuphepheka.

Kukho isizathu sokuba umntu angaxhathisi ekwamkeleni ikamva elinye. Ukuyamkela kunciphisa ukungxamiseka kokukuphepha. Siyakhala, "ikhona indlela ebhetele!" ukuzikhuthaza ukuba siyifumane. Kodwa akusoloko kukho enye. Ngexesha elithile singatshintsha sithi, "le ndlela ilungile, ilungile."

Ngakumbi malunga nolonwabo olungalindelekanga lokungatshati, jonga ibhlog yakhe kunye noBella DePaulo.