Kutheni ngamanye amaxesha ukuthi "Hayi" kuBantwana baKho kubaluleke kakhulu

Abazali aboyikayo ukubeka iinyawo zabo bahlala banabantwana abanyathela iinzwane zabo. —Iqhalo lamaTshayina

Yikholwe okanye ungakholelwa, abazali babenzakalisa kakhulu abantwana babo xa bengabaniki amava okuba bathi "hayi".

Kubazali abaninzi, kusoloko kuhenda ukuba ewe kwiminqweno yabantwana babo-ngakumbi ukuba banako ukwanelisa loo minqweno, kodwa amaxesha amaninzi nokuba abanako. Ngokwemvelo abazali bafuna ukuba abantwana babo bonwabe. Nangona kunjalo, ukonwaba okubonelelwa zizinto eziphathekayo kukhawuleza kudlule, kwaye uphando lubonisa ukuba kukho icala lokuphambuka ekukhuliseni ekufuneni into entsha elandelayo, nokuba yeyokudlala okwexeshana okanye imodeli ye-smartphone yamva nje. Ikhuthaza imeko yentswelo enokuthi ihlale okwethutyana. [1]

Abantwana bakho banokuba nombulelo ongazenzisiyo xa beqala ukufumana into entsha "eshushu", kodwa rhoqo oko kuye kuphele kumnyama nje ukuba ubushushu obutsha obulandelayo buye kwintengiso. Ngelo xesha, ezingqondweni zabantwana abanjalo, into abanayo ikhutshwa ngokukhawuleza iphelelwe lixesha kwaye ingonelisi kwaphela. Kwaye, ukuba uyanikezela kwaye ufumane abantwana bakho obona bushushu butsha, xa iteration elandelayo ifumaneka, amandla ayaphindaphindwa. Oku kuba sisangqa esiqhubekekayo esikhohlakeleyo esidala ukungonwabi kunye nokungoneliseki.

Phakathi kwezona zifundo zibaluleke kakhulu onokuzifundisa abantwana bakho kukuba ulonwabo lokwenene alufumaneki ekufumaneni le nto uyifunayo; ifakiwe ekuxabiseni nasekusebenziseni okona kuninzi onako.

Ukufunda ukuba ungajongana njani nokungayifumani into oyifunayo kwaye xa uyifuna bubuchule obubalulekileyo ekufuneka wonke umntu abuphuhlise. Kukho uluhlu lwezizathu uninzi lwabazali oluthandayo ukuseta nokunyanzelisa umda kunye nabantwana babo:

• Abafuni ukuba phantsi komsindo / umsindo wabantwana babo
• Babuyisela ityala abanalo kumava adlulileyo nabantwana babo
• Banomnqweno ongafanelekanga wokuba ngabahlobo nabantwana babo
• Bakholelwa ukuba abantwana babo kufuneka babe nayo yonke into abayifunayo
• Bafuna abantwana babo babe nezinto ezingaphezulu kunoko babezenza njengabantwana ngokwabo
• Abafuni ukuba abantwana babo bahluthwe njengoko benakho

Ngaba kukho enye yezi zinto evisisana nawe?

Nditsho nakubazali abathi, nangasiphi na isizathu (izizathu), benze konke abanako ukuphepha ukuthi hayi ebantwaneni babo, ngokuqinisekileyo kuyakufika inqanaba xa befuna kwaye kufuneka babeke imida. Le iya kuba yindlela entsha yesihogo kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo. Xa abantwana bakho beqhele utywala, ukungafumani nantoni na abayifunayo ngokungathandabuzekiyo kuvakala kubo njengokuncitshiswa.

Ukuthi hayi yindlela yokubeka imida. Ngokwendalo, abantwana bakho baya kuvavanya imida oyibekileyo kwaye bakuvavanye ukuqinisekisa ukuba loo milinganiselo iyinyani na. Banokucenga, bancenge, bakhale, balile, bavuse uqhwithela, babe nomsindo kakhulu, okanye zonke ezi zinto zingasentla. Ngokwenxalenye oku kubonisa uxinzelelo lwabo lokungayifumani le nto bayifunayo, kodwa bafuna ukubona ukuba banokukufumana na ukuba unikezele.

Ukuba uyanikezela, uthumela umyalezo kubantwana bakho othi "hayi" oko akuthethi ukuba hayi, kwaye ukuba bayakucela, bacenge, bakhale, okanye bakhale, baya kuyifumana le nto bayifunayo. Ukunika ukomeleza indlela abantwana bakho abaziphethe ngayo, okwenza ukuba kube lula ukuphindaphinda kwaye kube nzima ukucima.

Ukutyibilika kwale thambeka akunakugqithwa ngaphezulu. Ukuba uqinile kwaye ubambelele kwimida oyimiselayo ngokungaguquguqukiyo, abantwana bakho baya kufunda ngokuthe ngcembe ukuyamkela loo mida ngokulula nangokukhawuleza. Kwelinye icala, ukuba ubambelele ngokuqinileyo ekuqaleni kodwa ke uyeke ngenxa yokuba abantwana bakho bakutyhafisile kwaye bakunikeze ngokuqhubeka nokubongoza, ukubongoza, ukukhala, okanye ukulila, ngokuyintloko into obafundise yona kukuba cenga, ubongoze, whine, okanye ulile yanele ngokwaneleyo , ekugqibeleni baya kufumana le nto bayifunayo.

Kuyanceda ukwazi ukuba xa usithi hayi, akufuneki kubekho umdlalo weqonga omninzi. Ukuchaneka kwaye ungagungqi ngelixa utofa uthinte uburharha obunentliziyo elula kunokwenza ukuba le nkqubo ingabi nazintlungu. Mna nomama weentombi zam sasihlala sisebenzisa amabinzana anjengelithi “Get real, Neil,” “No way, Jose,” “No chance, Lance,” no “Nope, akwenzeki.” Siphindaphinde ezi mpendulo ngokungxama-njengemfuneko-njengemantra okanye ingoma ebambekile kuphindwe-kwaye yaphumelela kakhulu ekuncedeni iintombi zethu zifunde ukwamkela ukuba, kwezo meko, ngekhe bafumane nantoni na bafuna.

Ukuba ngaba babini (okanye ngaphezulu) abazali ababandakanyekayo, ngokucacileyo kubalulekile ukuba bavumelane xa kufikwa kumba wokumisela nokunyanzelisa imida. Impixano phakathi kwabazali ihlala ibangela ukuba bajongane kwaye bathumele imiyalezo exubileyo kunye nokudida kubantwana babo. Ngapha koko, abantwana abanobuchule ekufundeni indlela yokudlala omnye umzali ngokuchasene nomnye babone ukuba ngowuphi umzali oza kuye ukuze andise amathuba okufumana into abayifunayo. Lo mmandla uya usiba nzima ngakumbi xa abazali bengekho kunye, kodwa yeyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu kubantwana babo ukuba abazali bazame ukucula kwiphepha elinye lomculo ukuya kuthi ga kwinqanaba abanako.

Abantwana bafuna ulwakhiwo kunye nemida, kwaye abazali kufuneka babe nesibindi namandla okubeka emngciphekweni kwaye bakwazi ukumelana nokuhlaselwa ngabantwana babo kukukhathazeka, lusizi, umsindo kunye nezinye iindlela zokucaphuka. Olu luhlobo lokunyamezelana koxinzelelo kwaye kunokuba nzima kakhulu kubazali abaninzi.

Andazi namnye umzali oyonwabelayo xa abantwana bakhe benomsindo kubo, kodwa ukuba uqhubeka unikezela kwiminqweno neminqweno yabantwana bakho, usenza nantoni na abayifunayo kwaye ubafumanele nantoni na abayifunayo, kudala ulindelo olungaphaya kwendlela Ihlabathi liyasebenza. Bafunda ukubona umhlaba njengangoku ukusebenzela iimfuno zabo ezibonakalayo, zisenza kube nzima kubo ukuba baphumelele kwikamva, phantsi kweemeko zokungakhathali kwezo ntswelo.

Abantwana kufuneka babe namava okufunda ukulibazisa ulwaneliseko kunye nokuhlangabezana nemida ebabekelweyo. Ukomelela kwabantwana bakho ngenxa yamava okuhlala ixesha elide, ngelixa umsindo nengqumbo abakujongisa yona yeyokwexeshana.

Ilungelo lokushicilela 2018 uDan Mager, MSW